So in the weeks since I gave birth to my son Joel I have finally lost enough weight to fit back into. . . my wedding ring. While becoming a parent through adoption certainly had it’s share of hardships, I did appreciate that it left my body relatively unscathed. I sure can’t say the same for pregnancy and a c-section birth. I can identify with my son Josh who was struggling to figure out how to work the zipper on his jeans the other morning and mumbled to himself, “This is going to be harder than I thought, Pants.” My thoughts exactly, Josh. I guess if I’m really interested in weight loss I should probably quit consoling myself with candy when my weight goes up or rewarding myself with candy when my weight goes down. Or maybe I’ll just get rid of the scale.
I have been surprised to realize how much this change in my appearance has changed how I feel about myself. In so many ways I have disentangled myself from needing the approval of society, but it wasn’t until recently that I’ve come to understand I have been calculating some of my worth based on my ability to meet a standard of beauty that now feels unobtainable. So I wrestle with questions about the importance of this body I’ve been given. Although it doesn’t look how it once did, it is still functional. But what if my body was damaged through accident or illness or even just age. Would I still have worth? I want to treat my body with respect, be thankful for the good health God has given me, but I also want to deeply realize that my worth is about more than this body and what it can do. My soul is what truly matters to God and I’m thankful for this change He has brought me through to help me realize it.