The other evening I took my five year-old Josh out on a grocery trip with me. Since the two of us rarely have time to chat about things without the interruptions of his younger siblings, I wanted to be really intentional about hearing what was going on in his life. I was wondering if he was having a tough time adjusting to another new baby in the house, so I asked him if there was anything he was struggling with. He answered with an emphatic “Yes” and I braced myself for his deep inner thoughts. He said, “You know how when you take a book out from the library you have to give it back? I don’t like that.” As much as you think you know your kids, sometimes you’re just not ready for their answers.
It made me realize how much stress I can add to my life by assuming things about my kids rather than just asking them. While I’m worried about the stress of new family dynamics on my son, he’s just worried about having to give back a library book. I have a tendency to filter the life of my kids through an adult lens and assume they are responding to life the way I would. I have forgotten how resilient kids can be and that whatever life we’re living is what seems normal to them. Four kids ages five and under? That’s normal life for my family. I need to learn to ask and then truly listen to find out what the struggles of my kids may be instead of assuming the worst and giving in to my worries. And besides, when you initiate a conversation with your kids, you may just be in for a good laugh- the best cure for worries I know.