Pinocchio and Me

As an adoptive mom I can get a little worked up about the word “real”.  Seems innocuous enough, right?  But when somebody says, “So, what do you know about his REAL mom?” you suddenly get a little irritable.  I’ve wanted to say things like, “His real mom?  Because I am a figment of his imagination?” or “Whoever cleans up the puke is the real mom.”  Mostly I just say, “You mean his biological mom?” and people are nice enough that they correct themselves.  Problem solved.

Except that sometimes that problem follows me home and I keep pondering this concept of “realness”.  When did I become a “real” mom?  Was it when I became a housemom to my first set of children’s home boys?  Was it when the orphanage director put my son in my arms?  Was it the first time I saw a positive pregnancy test?

I do a lot of reading of children’s books these days, so I’m enjoying what Pinocchio and the Velveteen Rabbit have to say on the subject.  Maybe you don’t become a real mom in a moment of signing adoption papers or even giving birth.  Maybe becoming real is what happens to you over a period of time because you love someone.  And someone loves you back.  Maybe becoming real happens in a thousand small steps until one day you wake up and realize that you aren’t just going through the motions of acting like a real mom, you just ARE a real mom.

So here are some of the moments I would point to that indicate you are becoming a real mom:

If you’ve taken an unscheduled detour into a parking lot during a routine grocery store trip to stop and handle a discipline problem, deal with a potty emergency, or rebuckle a carseat.

If you’ve hidden your head in the pantry to sneak a handful of chocolate chips.

If you use the word “potty” even when talking to an adult.

If you’ve accepted a kiss from someone knowing they would leave a major amount of drool/chocolate/jelly on your face.

If you unnecessarily use the word “we” i.e. “We don’t blow our nose on the dog”.

If you’ve ever been given a handful of flowers- just the tops, no stems.

If you’ve fallen asleep reading a picture book.

If you refer to your husband as “Daddy”.

If you’ve cried seeing someone zipper their own jacket for the first time.

If you accidentally watch half an episode of a kid’s tv show before realizing there aren’t any kids in the room anymore.

If you’ve climbed into bed and found two puzzle pieces, a strawberry shortcake doll and a packet of fruit snacks.

If by lunch you have brushed three mouths full of teeth, but none of them were yours.

 

What would you add to the list?