I hear the first ten years are the hardest

There are lots of good reasons to stay married.  You already know them.  At least you think you do.  When we got married ten years ago I was pretty sure life would always feel like a road trip- my man and me traveling through life side by side, seeing each new day as an adventure we’d face together.  I didn’t realize married life would always feel like a road trip- my man and me getting irritated when somebody (I won’t mention who) got us lost, or forgot to put enough gas in the car, or brought the wrong snacks, or picked a crummy hotel.

In those first years there is a lot of passion, which isn’t purely a good thing.  I can be pretty passionately angry when I want to be.  While you can find a ton of material on keeping the passion alive in your marriage, I’m thankful for some relief from those dramatic ups and downs.  So if you want to know why I think it’s good to stay married, I’m going to give you the world’s simplest example.

Last night my husband and I were watching the gymnastics portion of The Olympics.  He (also writing an email and kind of half-heartedly paying attention) and I (also eating a bag of salt and vinegar chips and trying to decide if ultimately it’s worse to be the gymnast or the gymnast’s mom) were doing what we basically do every night unless we have a hot date or a sick kid.  As Jordyn Wieber was doing her floor routine Brian says, “What music is that?”  It had been bugging me, too.  I couldn’t quite place it.  I said, “Shawshank Redemption?  Legends of the Fall?  No, it’s that movie where everybody dies and I got a headache and I hated it.”  Brian said, “Right.  Last of the Mohicans.  That’s it.”

Was that her actual floor routine music?  You’re missing the point.  There is something amazing and something peaceful about having a shared history with somebody.  I married Brian when I was just 21 and I really feel like we have grown up together.  We’ve helped raise each other in some ways.  Ten years ago we sat on a Goodwill purchased couch in our first apartment with a bunch of friends crammed on either side of us and I watched “Last of the Mohicans” for the first time.  Much to my new husband’s displeasure, I did not enjoy it.  Not enough dialogue.  Too much death.  And I got a horrible headache.  I’ve never watched it again.  I was just becoming confident enough about my opinions that I didn’t feel pressured to say I liked something when I didn’t.  These are pieces of my life that my husband knows.  We’ve developed a short-hand for explaining situations, expressing our feelings, speaking about our kids that only comes from years of history together.  Knowing that somebody in this world understands me is a feeling that gives me peace and wherever he is, that’s where I feel at home.

Marriage is hard.  I can find myself blaming Brian for the fact that life is complicated and we face sadness and disappointments.  When someone is always by your side, it’s easy to think they are the reason for the hardships you face.  But hardships are coming no matter what.  And I don’t care who you are, you’re no peach to live with either some days.  I could never put a price on replacing the history I’ve built with this man- the good and the bad parts.  He knows me and he loves me anyway.  I think I’ll keep him.