Foster Parenting FAQs

I am so encouraged by how many people are starting to consider foster parenting.  It can be a scary idea at first, especially with how foster kids (and even foster parents!) are portrayed in our society.  A lot of the reasons people shy away from getting involved are misunderstandings of how things actually work. These misunderstandings keep out the quality, loving, compassionate, and wise people that are so very needed in “the system”.   And the less quality people get involved, the more the foster parent stigma continues to grow.  If you’re considering foster parenting, I wanted this to be a chance for you to see the questions I am most commonly asked answered from my point of view.  I do not speak for a specific agency, I can’t address every issue in every state, and I’m not licensed to dispense advice about this stuff.  I’m just a foster mom with a heart for these kids and nearly a decade of work on their behalf.  Use these answers as a starting point for your own fact-finding journey to see if this is where God is calling you.  And PLEASE feel free to add your own questions in the comments here, on facebook (www.facebook.com/AMusingMaralee) or via email.  I’m happy to answer what I can.  You can also contact Christian Heritage for more information through the link on the right side of my blog.

How do you become a foster parent?

Becoming a foster parent involves getting a license.  This means you need to take a class that will help prepare you for what it means to be a foster parent (the expectations, what the kids and families may be like, what the process looks like, etc.).  This will end with a homestudy.  A homestudy is not as scary as it sounds- it just means your home needs to be safe and have the physical room to house an additional child.  This whole process takes a couple months from beginning to end and is a necessary part of being sure kids from unsafe situations aren’t just moved to another unsafe situation but are placed in homes where they can be loved.

Do you have any say in what kids you get?

Yes!  We filled out lots of paperwork on exactly what kind of kids we thought would fit best in our home.  This included age, gender, medical needs, history, and emotional/behavioral needs.  But even after you’ve filled out the paperwork, you can expect that you will probably be asked to take kids just outside the boundaries you’ve set up.  This is where you need to prayerfully consider what your family can handle and feel confident about saying “no” when you need to.  There shouldn’t ever be a time you feel pressured into taking a kid you don’t feel capable of caring for.  While there are kids who can stretch and challenge you in a good way, it isn’t helpful for foster parents to say “yes” to situations they aren’t equipped to handle.  This can lead to burnout for the family and more disruptions for the child as they get bounced from house to house.  When you get a call about taking a child, you have the right to ask for information about that child and the caseworker should give you the information you need to make an informed decision, although the caseworker may not know everything (or much of anything!) upfront.  We have had to say no based on a lack of information at times, not even just based on the information available.  Each family has to decide what will be the deciding factors for them.

What impact will fostering have on our finances?

Some people are reticent to talk about foster parenting and finances.  I don’t like that.  You should NEVER foster parent for the money.  That’s a given.  BUT I also think it’s important to realize this shouldn’t be a financial drain.  There is a small monthly amount to compensate you for the financial impact taking a child has on your family (food/clothes/transportation costs) and it will vary based on the needs of the child.  The child should also have their medical needs paid for and any necessary daycare costs covered.  While I don’t want anyone to go into this thinking it’s a money maker (it surely isn’t, especially in Nebraska) I also don’t want someone to be scared out of it because they think they can’t afford to do it.

Can someone just show up and take the foster child away?

I can’t tell you that doesn’t ever happen, but I will say that if you pay attention to what’s happening in court and team meetings, this is highly unlikely.  You will see the progression of the child’s case and have a very clear picture of what the reunification goals are.  If parents have to complete treatment, have jobs, have appropriate housing, etc. you’ll see them meeting those goals and have a good idea about when the child will be moving.  The idea that foster parenting means someone can drop a child off on your doorstep  that you’re unprepared for and then one random day just show up and take them back is not accurate.

I’m worried about the impact this will have on my own kids.

This is a VERY valid question.  The children God has given you (whether through birth or adoption) are your priority.  You need to make decisions with the needs of your children in mind.  That may mean only taking kids younger than the children you already have, or limiting what medical needs you take if you feel you don’t have the ability to meet those needs along with the needs of your other kids.  You also need to be sensitive to what your kids are experiencing and that they feel safe.  Use your good judgement when it comes to what kinds of kids you can add to your family.  With that being said, I think God calls FAMILIES to foster, not just the parents.  If this is something you feel lead to do, trust that God is preparing your children and is going to bless and change them through this experience.

What if my husband/wife isn’t supportive of my desire to foster parent?

Pray.  Brian and I weren’t always equally committed to this journey, but with time and research and prayer we were able to get on the same page.  I think it’s important to try and take emotion out of this discussion and answer the questions your spouse is asking.  Figure out why they feel this isn’t a good fit for your family and do your best to provide them with resources that would help answer those concerns.  If ultimately your spouse doesn’t feel comfortable, then this isn’t the time for you to be fostering.  If a child is coming from a situation where they feel unsafe or unloved it will not be helpful for them to come into a family where one parent doesn’t want them or feels this is an imposition or threat.  That’s not going to be helpful or healing.

Can a single person foster parent?

Yes!  There are situations where it is BEST for a child to be in a home with a single parent if they have had a negative experience with an adult of the opposite gender.  This is not just a Plan B if there are no two-parent families available, this is a needed and necessary Plan A for some kids.

What if we can’t get along with the foster child in our home?

Nobody wants a child to be bounced from home to home.  There are lots of options as far as working to fix problem situations and we ultimately try to only say “yes” to situations we think will work long-term.  With that being said, you need to know you have control in a situation where those problems can’t be resolved.  You have the ability to say  a child needs to be moved and within a set time-frame that will be respected.

What kind of contact can biological families have with us?

This will vary dramatically from situation to situation, but I want to emphasize that you shouldn’t feel unsafe.  The amount of direct contact you as the foster parents have should be related to how safe a situation is.  It can be as little as team meetings and court or as much as telephone calls and visits in your home.  But YOU have the ability to say what you feel comfortable with.  No matter what you feel about the situation, the child will have a predetermined visitation plan with the parents that may take place at a neutral location or in the parents home, but doesn’t have to involve you.  (I hope that whatever the situation you are committed to loving the bio family and doing your best to have a positive relationship for the sake of the child.  That is hugely important.)

Are there kids available for adoption through foster care?

Yes!  Each state has a photolisting of available children or you can go to www.adoptuskids.org to see the national database of waiting children.  Those kids are legally free for adoption.  We adopted our two foster children, but they were not legally free for adoption when they were placed with us.  That means there were no promises made when we took their placements and we didn’t have adoption expectations.  Whether you want to take the legal risk of a child who comes to you as purely a foster placement or you want the certainty of adopting a child who is already legally free will depend a lot on your situation and priorities.  If we had waited to pursue our kids until they were legally free we wouldn’t have had them until they were nearly two years-old instead of having them from their infancy.  I wouldn’t trade those precious days for anything although it did feel like our hearts were on the line.  It’s all a matter of what’s important to your family.

 

Do you have more questions?  Leave them here!  Do you have your own advice or perspective on this topic?  I want that too!