To Sleep or Not to Sleep

Well, I’m filing this one under “thank goodness I didn’t already ruin my child”.  Have you seen this article about how it may actually be okay to let your baby cry a little at bedtime?  You can find it here:  http://healthland.time.com/2012/09/10/its-o-k-to-let-babies-cry-it-out-at-bedtime/

Lots has been said and written about how to handle bedtime with a baby.  You can find such extreme opinions and an amazing amount of anger directed at anybody who disagrees.  It runs the gamut from “kids will have brain damage if they’re allowed to cry at all” to “by not teaching a child to self-sooth you are handicapping them for life”.  I really appreciate how this study looked at long-term sleep and attachment issues and found that kids who had “sleep training” (crying for periods of time with some form of comforting offered) didn’t have attachment or sleep problems.

I’m no sleep scientist, just a mom working through the normal sleep ups and downs of a Kindergartener, two toddlers and a baby.  I’ve heard a lot of talk about dealing with sleep issues and I do a lot of reading about it, too.  I’m blessed with kids who are pretty decent sleepers right now (although this was not always the case) and I want to give you a little something to consider, whatever your current sleep situation might be.

I think each mom should do what works.

What?  What does that even mean?  I hear moms say they can’t stand to hear their baby cry and it just breaks their heart.  You know what?  Go pick that baby up.  They will eventually learn to sleep through the night, but it may not be for a couple months (years?) down the road.  As long as you’re okay with the consequences, then just go rock that baby.  I hear moms say the are so exhausted and hardly feel like they can go about their daily routine because they are spending most of their night trying to keep the baby from crying.  You know what?  Let that baby cry.  As long as you’re willing to deal with the consequences of hearing a crying baby for awhile, go for it.

We as moms can act like there is only one right way in this scenario, but I’m just not buying it.  Kids are so different in their needs and God has made each parent with their own set of needs and coping skills, too.  We’ve got to find what works for us and be confident we’re doing the right thing.  The mom who has a strong emotional reaction to hearing her baby cry may not be the best mother she can be if she’s enduring that every night in an effort to sleep train.  A mom who really values her rest and a set schedule may not be the best mother she can be if she’s running in to rock a baby all through the night.

This issue is just one of many where there is not a one-size-fits-all answer for parents.  I think we try to frame the issues as doing what’s best for our kids, but often it really needs to be about what works for the parents AND THAT’S OKAY.  It isn’t selfishness if you’re learning how you can be the best mother you can be in dealing with the issues without a moral right and wrong.  We have such a tendency to make moral issues out of what may actually just be personal preferences and personality bents.  It can be really hard to have a relationship with another mom if we’ve decided the way she does something is morally wrong, when what it actually may be is just a different style that works for her and her family.

Of course, the basic principles in Scripture guide our decisions and have so much to say about all areas of life, but the way that may practically work out can differ so much from family to family.  Think about cloth diapers vs. disposables.  Does the Bible speak to that?  Nope.  BUT the Bible does speak to stewardship of our resources so for some families that may lead them to make a choice that values the resource of money, or environmental resources, or the resource of time.  Don’t even get me started on the organic apple vs. regular apple vs. twinkie debate.  There are a lot of moral absolutes in this world, but so much of parenting is an act of discernment.

(for more information on sleep and kids, I love “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” by Dr. Marc Weissbluth)