Adoption- What it is. What it isn’t.

What Adoption Isn’t:

– It isn’t rescuing a child

– It isn’t a solution to the world’s orphan/poverty/illness problems

– It isn’t what happens to “lucky” kids

– It isn’t a way to make your family more interesting

– It isn’t what you should do if you have “extra love” in your family

– It isn’t trendy

– It doesn’t end in 18 years

–  It isn’t a way to give your bio kids a broader picture of the world

– It isn’t a fix for infertility

– It isn’t a ministry

– It isn’t “the easy way” to have a baby

– It isn’t doing a good deed

(*there may be an element of truth in each of these sentences, but they alone are not a reason to adopt)

What Adoption Is:

Adoption is like an arranged marriage. It is choosing to make a lifetime commitment to someone you are not biologically related to and who you may not have any connection with at first. They may be very different from you, both physically and in personality. They come with their own history that has taught them who is trustworthy and what is safe or normal. They may not like you at first. You may not like them. They may seem hard to love or self-protective. They may cry a lot. Maybe they love you from the minute you meet and it feels like you were destined to be together. But you don’t know what it’s going to feel like or how you’re going to get along until that commitment has already been made.

And when the tough times come it won’t be enough to hold you together that you thought this was a ministry, and your child will likely not feel “lucky” to have been uprooted and separated from what was familiar. What looks cool and trendy in your adorable multiracial Christmas picture will not seem so trendy when the reality of a hurting child sets in. And for the infertile couple, the imaginary child  in your mind is a lot easier to love than the one sitting in front of you with real issues and real challenges. And while many families may have “extra love” or some extra room in their house, that doesn’t necessarily mean they are ready or qualified to meet the needs of a child who they were unable to shelter and care for from their earliest prenatal days.

BUT BUT BUT— the joy in this journey is huge. There truly are kids who seem to know they were waiting just for you and they become your child in an instant. They develop normally, they have peace about their life circumstances, they make you proud. And then there are moments of triumph when your child who struggles achieves milestones you’ve worked SO SO hard to accomplish. There is a trust you develop with your spouse and with your God as you try to see the good in hard situations. There is the absolute RIGHTNESS of loving and caring for a child who needs you even if you don’t see the benefits and they reject you entirely.

Adoption isn’t easy and it isn’t for everyone. But it is a blessing for those who are willing to persevere through the mountains of paperwork, educate themselves on the potential issues, and accept their children for who they are. We wouldn’t trade even our hardest days with our precious kids for those empty days of waiting to know their faces and hear their laughs. Adoption is an investment in the unknown and we have been so blessed for being willing to take that risk.