A Life in Status- February 2013, #4

(You can find me here if you’re feeling adventurous)

Josh: Mom, do you think there are any rollercoasters that jump?
Me: No, I don’t think so.
Josh: I bet God could make one.
Me: Maybe there will be one in heaven.
Josh: Oh, (giggling) I’ve got to be SO GOOD.
Probably not theologically sound, but if it keeps him from fighting with his brother today I’ll take it.

I’m pretty sure I could reconstitute an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich from the remnants I just wiped off the walls.

I’m making President’s Day festive by eating off our special Happy Birthday plate. Happy birthdays, Lincoln and Washington! (On an unrelated note, I have managed to put off doing dishes so long that there are no regular plates left to use in the house. . . )

Josh: Mom, I have too many M&Ms. I’m going to go put some under your pillow for when you get hungry in the night.
He knows me too well.

I think The Baby has a future as a pastor- at least if he baptizes people half as enthusiastically as he “baptized” his teddy bear in the toilet.

Josh: Daddy, tonight so you don’t have to steal my candy after I go to bed, I already put some under your pillow.
#bestkidever

Three of my children can’t sleep without their favorite stuffed animals. One of my children sleeps with an encyclopedia of dinosaurs. It makes me wonder when he’s an adult and we say, “We should have seen this coming” what exactly will we be referring to?

The Baby is no longer taking a morning nap. Somehow mornings are now feeling approximately 6 hours longer and half as productive.

My husband just got back from observing a foster parent training event. He said upon hearing his name a woman he’d never met said, “Your wife wrote the best thing about breastfeeding.” Highlight of my week to hear that. . . And I would have loved to have seen the look on Brian’s face trying to think of a response to that.

I’m pretty sure “well-child checks” are a scam pediatricians use to infect you with the flu so you have to come back for another appointment with your sick kid ten days later. Works. every. time.

Danny: Mommy, I need hot cocoa- I go outside, I super cold, I have boogers.
I can find no flaw with this argument and I am now making hot cocoa.
#4yearoldlogic

When I’m tempted to just clean the toothpaste out of the sink myself because it would be easier, I’m reminded that I’m raising future husbands. Their future wives owe me one.

I’m pretty sure all contestants on “The Bachelor/Bachelorette” are contractually obligated to say:
1) I never knew I could have such strong feelings for two people.
2) This is the hardest decision I’ve ever made in my life.
3) I had to follow my heart.
4) I never wanted to hurt you/him/her/anyone.
Any phrase I left out?

Signs you are not a great housekeeper- every time you go to mop you realize you don’t know where you keep the mop.

Things I didn’t anticipate hearing my three year-old daughter say #275: Daddy, help! The Mighty Thor is trapped in my guitar!

Nothing like watching your child pick his nose with the lightsaber on his jedi action figure.