Adoptive Breastfeeding- an introduction

So, what do you know about adoptive breastfeeding?  I remember the first time I ran into the concept prior to the adoption of our first child.  I was fascinated by it and wondered if maybe it would be worth trying.  When we brought home our little Liberian we had a lot to learn about being parents and a lot to learn about our son.  There was one fact about him he made amazingly clear- he was HUNGRY.  He was really tiny for his age and had been battling malaria and some digestion issues that meant he just wanted to eat and he desperately needed to put on weight.  If I wanted to bond with him, I needed to be the lady with the bottle.  He needed the security of having food constantly available and as I proved I could provide food I proved I could be trusted.  Any delay in feeding became a major ordeal, so we went with what was simple, what was familiar to him and what we knew would work- the bottle.  When you consider the urgency of feeding a baby who has been starving (for issues his loving nannies weren’t able to address), complicating things by trying to breastfeed really didn’t seem like a great idea.
My three adopted kids all came to me as babies (10 months, 10 days, 5 months) and their bonding processes have been beautiful and sweet, although they’ve had their complications.  Two of my adopted children came to us through the foster care system.  As their foster mother it seemed entirely inappropriate to try breastfeeding.  I was providing care for another woman’s child until the moment the adoptions were final.  At that point my kids were toddlers and our bonds were well established.  So while I am supportive of adoptive breastfeeding, it hasn’t been something I’ve really tried.
Adoptive breastfeeding is amazing.  It’s another proof that the female body is capable of much more than we may have imagined.  The more you learn about the powers of breastmilk and the bonding potential of breastfeeding, the more it seems like a goal worth pursuing.  But adoptive breastfeeding is complicated.  The materials you read will say that you will most likely never be capable of producing all the milk your baby needs, so you’ll have to supplement with formula.  You’ll potentially need medication, or herbal aids, supplemental nursing systems, along with all the usual nursing supplies and bottle feeding supplies.  For some moms this is worth it for the benefits of breastfeeding, particularly the bonding benefits and the opportunity to experience something that can feel like such a rite of passage into motherhood (womanhood, even!).
I am excited to share with you the stories of two women who have had positive adoptive breastfeeding experiences- one with a newborn and one with a toddler.  While I’m glad for them to be a resource, I wanted to give my story so nobody thinks my belief is that every adoptive mother should breastfeed (and be sure and read Rebecca’s story of bottle-feeding, too).  Becoming an instant parent through adoption is a big task.  There are so many things to figure out and adding the stress of breastfeeding (which can be complicated under the most natural of circumstances) surely isn’t for everybody.  I think there may be some differences for women who have nursed other children and already feel confident about their abilities as both a mother and a breastfeeder, but that certainly wasn’t my background.  For a woman who has watched her body fail her through infertility and miscarriages, it was really intimidating to trust my body to work correctly in this area.  It was hard enough after the 9 months of pregnancy with my biological baby.  It was impossible for me in the midst of my adoption joys and stresses that were still tinged with the sadness of my fertility failures.
So I’d encourage you to read these stories knowing God has used this feeding option in a beautiful way in each of these women’s lives, but your story will be unique just as your child’s needs are unique.  Bryonie’s story is precious to me.  I first heard her name at a support group meeting for women who had experienced infertility and pregnancy loss.  A friend was asking for prayer for Bryonie because after years of infertility she had just delivered twins who didn’t survive.  I prayed for her and something just broke in my heart as I imagined her loss.  There were more losses to come in the lives of Bryonie and her pastor husband before the addition of their precious Judah.  And then the joy of their newly adopted baby girl just recently!  I have been so blessed to connect with Bryonie through Facebook and also through her blog where she writes thoughtfully and beautifully about her life.  She’s been gracious to share her heart and thoughts with me (even when I totally embarrassed myself by accidentally sending her a frustrated email meant for someone else- now that’s a true friend!) and I know you’ll be blessed by the honesty in the answers she gives.
Samantha’s (name changed for privacy reasons) story feels very familiar to me- unexpected infertility, foster parenting, and adoption.  She and her husband have adopted two toddler girls through foster care.  I have so much respect for couples who are willing to step out in faith and make the choice to take on kids during what can be a really challenging age under the best of circumstances (you families adopting teens- whew!), although if you see how adorable their girls are it will all make sense 🙂  I’m thankful she was willing to tell her story about breastfeeding her toddlers with us (you’ll notice her answers relate primarily to her older daughter because her experience with breastfeeding was longer).  I was really challenged by it- to consider the benefits of breastfeeding a toddler who didn’t experience an appropriate bond with a caregiver during those important baby days.  It’s great stuff to think through.
So get ready to enjoy their stories. . . tomorrow!  (*update- post can be found here)