(Don’t believe it? Come see for yourself.)
Sometimes I apologize for the state of my house even when it’s not that bad, just because I would like people to think usually it’s better.
#foolingnobody
I’m guessing with the amount of coffee grounds in my compost pile our garden tomatoes may be slightly caffeinated this year. Just a heads-up.
I’m guessing classier women don’t have a pair of slippers they think of as “going out slippers”.
Sometimes my four year-old does something naughty, pauses, and then says “yes ma’am” before I’ve had a chance to correct him. I can’t tell if this is a parenting success or a total fail.
Do you ever think, “I’d be a really great mom if it weren’t for all these kids!”
Yeah. . . me neither. . .
Brother and Sister are both playing with Iron Man action figures. Brother’s is clearly a traditional superhero. Sister’s seems to have a day job as a therapist of some kind. Works for me.
If someone could figure out how to add some nutritional value to Play-Doh I would greatly appreciate it.
#multitasking
Daughter: You not the best mommy ever.
Me: I’m not? Who is?
Daughter: Daddy.
I quit.
Husband is singing Andrew Osenga’s “Why do Lovers Grow Apart”, but with the words “Why does pooping start with farts”. He is and always has been a true romantic.
Sometimes I feel the need to explain that while I do expect my daughter to say “yes ma’am”, the salute was all her idea.
We got a new dryer and it sings a little song when it’s done, instead of the traditional buzz our old dryer did. I think if the song had words, they’d probably be about us paying too much for a dryer.
Husband: What’s in your hair?
Josh: Toothpaste. I wanted to look a little different.
Husband: Um, no.
That boy is always ahead of the trends.
When the doorbell rings and you don’t hear the dog’s customary bark, that’s when you realize it’s probably somebody returning the dog at your door.
Danny: So Mom. . . how you day?
Sometimes it’s the sweetest questions and personal interest in your life that let you know there’s probably a huge mess somewhere you don’t know about yet.
Fourth children know when you find a delicious treat unattended you should immediately grab it and hide under the table to eat it. Fourth children are geniuses. . . or else they’ve learned a thing or two from the family dog.
Josh and The Baby are snuggling on the couch.
Josh: Mom, I think the right baby came in your tummy.
#melt
Husband: Hey! Do NOT put that in your mouth. That goes STRAIGHT into the toilet!
. . . sometimes I wish I didn’t overhear things. . . trying. not. to. imagine. context.
Why twitter is awesome: I am literally being followed by Transformers. All my childhood dreams are coming true.
I’ve always sung the same lullaby to The Baby before bed. Now anytime I sing it he pops his fingers into his mouth and snuggles. Is this what it feels like to be a hypnotist?