You know you have to leave to pick up your oldest from school in ten minutes so you say to your preschoolers, “It’s time to pick up your toys so we can go get your brother.” What is the response you’re likely to get? Whiney? Grumpy? Ignored?
So here’s my tip:
After you give them the directions, offer your hand for a preemptive high-five. The high-five is like the handshake of preschoolers. The high-five is their bond. They have just accidentally agreed to whatever you asked them to do because they accepted your high-five.
I have also been known to start thanking them for their great behavior BEFORE it really happens. So you say, “It’s time to pick up your toys so we can go get your brother”, then offer your hand for the high-five, then you say, “Great job obeying and picking up your toys!” at the first sign that they’re even turning towards where the toys go. Often I find that this gets them moving in the right direction.
Let’s be real- I have often said things like, “Hey, it’s almost time to leave your friend’s house and this time how about you don’t hide your shoes somewhere and then grab onto the door frame and scream as I’m dragging you out?” But I feel much better about saying, “Hey, it’s almost time to leave your friend’s house. Can you get your shoes for me? (high-five) Awesome job going to get your shoes! That makes Mommy want to reward you when we get home!” I bet you’ll feel better about handling it that way, too. It’s great to find ways to help encourage your kid towards right behavior without resorting to threatening or just being an overall whiner yourself.
(*Note to everybody—if you think my kids always obey the minute I ask them to do something because I have mom magic, you are wrong and probably have not met my kids. My kids have times that they cry and yell and don’t want to do what I ask. I’m sharing what works sometimes, but it’s all about knowing what motivates your kids and recognizing that we all have our grumpy days.)