(Feel free to laugh at us. Everybody does.)
Reach into your purse for your keys.
Pull out two jedis, a batman and a matchbox car, none of which will unlock your car door.
#momlife
Note to self: If you hang a coat on the back of a chair, a child will decide to wipe their nose on it.
The last night of AWANA is tomorrow. . . so I guess it’s probably time to sew on all those patches I was supposed to be adding to his vest all year.
Scold child for spilling oatmeal on himself just before leaving for school. Ten minutes later spill coffee down the front of your shirt on your way to book club.
#perspectiveadjustment
Daughter: I was in my birthmom’s tummy.
Me: That’s true. Do you know whose tummy I was in?
Daughter: My birthmommy’s?!
Me: No, I was in Grama’s tummy.
Daughter: What? (laughing) Mommy, that is a good joke.
Me: It’s not a joke. That’s the truth.
Daughter: That’s the truth. (laughing) That’s a good joke, Mom.
Maybe we’ll try again when she’s older.
The evening routine:
Baby screams for Daddy and bangs his head against the front door.
Mommy opens the door so Baby can see that Daddy isn’t there yet.
Baby cries for Daddy and slams the door.
As soon as the door is shut he thinks Daddy may have arrived.
(repeat)
I know how you feel, Little Buddy.
A sign you probably should have been more careful when applying your make-up: A friend asks, “Are you doing something different with your eyebrows these days?”
Josh: I wish I could do whatever I want to do. Like you do.
Me: You think what I want to be doing is spending this hour making a dinner that you guys are just going to complain about?
Josh: Yes. You like that. I want to play with friends.
Me: I have friends, too. I’d like to go play with them.
Josh: You could do that.
Me: Who would make your dinner.
Josh: I can’t do that. I’m too small. (long pause, then an understanding) Oooooooooh.
#progress
Apparently I forgot to explain the concept of “summer” to my Kindergartener until tonight.
Mind. Blown.
My six year-old wanted to put my Mother’s Day card somewhere I’d stumble across it as a surprise. So he put it in the pile of clean clothes that needed to be folded.
#nailedit
It’s not that it bothers me so much when they wet the bed, it just bothers me when they try to hide the evidence.
Daughter: Mommy, what this spell- HIK1011?
Me: Ummmmmm. . .
#momproblems
Husband made me all my favorite foods for lunch and then took the kids out so I could eat by myself.
Best. Mother’s Day. Ever.
#lovemykids #secretintrovert #hegetsme
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