“Bread and Jam for Frances” (everything I need to know about picky eaters)

My parenting philosophy has been shaped by a few key influences:  The Bible, my parents, and the written works of Russell and Lillian Hoban. What’s that you say? You aren’t familiar with the works of Russell and Lillian Hoban? Well, don’t bother looking for their books in the parenting section of the library. You won’t find scholarly articles they’ve written if you do a brief internet search. But they have managed to bring a face to many common parenting problems through their series of “Frances” books. How to handle a jealous older sibling when a new baby comes along? Handled it. Fights between friends? Handled it and handled it. Child won’t go to bed? Handled it. I seriously love these books.

So what about picky eaters? I think “Bread and Jam for Frances” does an excellent job at illustrating a couple key parenting principles for dealing with your child who is having a tough time with new foods.

(I am aware that sometimes food preferences are an indication of more serious issues. I have a child with some sensory quirks and there are food textures we just don’t do. I understand that and it’s no trouble to create a healthy meal plan for him without those foods. I also understand there are kids who are using meals as a time to exert some control. This post is meant to deal with the child who is hesitant to try new foods, but without a specific issue. Bon Appetit!)

–Offer lots of foods to try. I love that in the book meals include a variety of foods. Meats, fruits, vegetables, breads, and desserts are all offered. Frances and her father even discuss different kinds of ways to prepare eggs and the pros and cons of each. Lesson for you: Let your kids see you enjoying different foods. Put things on the table that you don’t think they’ll like just so they get the chance to surprise you. Talk to your kids about foods and their preferences. Help them think through why they enjoy the foods they do.

–Start a variety of foods at a young age. Frances’s little sister Gloria is offered the same foods as her big sister and parents. My favorite quote is, “She had already eaten her dinner of strained beef and sweet potatoes, but she liked to practice with a string bean when she could.” Lesson for you:  It’s great to make your own baby food by just mashing up what you are eating so your kids get used to the tastes they will be eating in your home. How many jars of baby food squash did I give my kids before realizing we don’t really eat that much squash. It was much more important to me that they develop a taste for broccoli since that’s something we do eat a lot.

–Don’t have an angry environment at meals. I like that Frances’s parents discuss her food choices with her, but never force her to eat. They don’t avoid talking about her decisions and seem to genuinely want to understand her preferences. They also don’t avoid letting her know that they feel she is missing out on some delicious foods. Lesson for you:  Food is a pretty terrible battle of wills to get into with your kids. You can’t physically make them eat. Don’t make mealtimes angry times if you can at all help it. Our goal is to offer our kids small helpings from all food groups with second helpings on their favorite foods available when they finish. End of story. No arguments. No fights. No anger.

–If their nutritional needs are being met, don’t freak out. Frances’s parents never panic about her limited diet. They continue to eat good foods around and in front of her and even pack diverse foods in her school lunches (until she objects). They don’t make what she is eating or not eating the center of everybody’s world. Lesson for you:  Offer your kids nutritious foods and don’t wimp out and give them foods that are bad for them. Even if their palate is pretty limited for a season, it’s not the end of the world. Putting more stress on the situation by having a panic attack isn’t likely to fix things. Don’t make mealtimes about control.

–Create an environment where it’s safe to change your mind. After several meals of only eating bread and jam, Frances decides she would like to try spaghetti and meatballs like the rest of her family.  She says a line that has become famous in my family: “How do you know what I’ll like if you won’t even TRY me?” It’s a great concept. We sometimes become convinced that our kids will never like a certain taste and may even start protecting them from those choices instead of keeping their options open. Lesson for you:  We need to give our kids the freedom to decide they do like certain foods which is easier when we haven’t made a big deal about it. Your kid doesn’t like peas? Just keep making them available. They may surprise you. And if you’re eating them and enjoying them, they are more likely to want to eat them, too. Do you know what my kids want to drink most of all in the world? Coffee. They know it’s something special just for Mom and Dad so the appeal is dramatically increased. If our kids think their food choices show maturity or make them “just like Mom” there is extra incentive.

So eat, drink and be merry! Enjoy meals with your family and create some happy memories between cleaning up the spilled milk, cutting up everybody’s meat, portioning out the vegetables, and reminding them to close their mouths when they chew. And if you actually get to eat while your food its still warm, all the better!