Imaginary ER Doctor Conversations

Am I the only one who has imaginary conversations with Emergency Room doctors while I watch my children play?*

Conversation 1

Doctor:  So, how did this happen?

Me:  Well. . . um. . . you see, they were playing this game called “Real Angry Birds”.

Doctor:  And?

Me:  Well, they made this tower of all the big plastic toys from the backyard and then they were launching themselves off of the swings to try and knock them over.

Doctor:  And this seemed like a good idea to you?

Me:  Um. . .no?  I guess not.

 

Conversation 2

Doctor:  So the baby was unsupervised when this happened?

Me:  Not exactly.  I was there, I just wasn’t thinking about how if he carried cups of water all over the house at some point he would probably spill it and then slip.

Doctor:  So he was really thirsty?

Me:  Um. . . no.  I just was tired of hearing him cry so I kind of let him do whatever he wanted while I tried to make dinner.

Doctor:. . . Right. . .

 

Conversation 3

Doctor:  Is he missing a tooth?

Me:  Yes. . . you see they wanted to know if you could ride a cardboard box down the stairs.  I guess in hindsight I probably should have stopped them. . . it kind of did look like fun.

Conversation 4

Doctor:  Vinegar in the eye?

Me:  Um.  Yeah.  Well, I asked them to help me clean the bathroom and I thought they were ready for the responsibility of handling the spray bottle of vinegar.

Doctor:  But maybe they weren’t?

Me:  Right. . .

 

Conversation 5

Doctor:  Those sure are some skinned up knees.

Me:  Yeah.  Yeah they are.  So he thought it would be fun to take the dog for a walk while also riding his bike. . .

 

Conversation 6

Doctor:  So you say he’s been pooping all day?

Me:  Yes.  I guess at some point I should have quit giving him raisins, but it was the only thing keeping him happy during church.

 

Conversation 7

Doctor:  Well, what do we have here?

Me:  Well, they watched this cartoon where if the character ran fast enough he could go through a wall.

Doctor:  Understood.

 

Conversation 8

Me:  I heard some people say kids are getting more allergies and illnesses because they don’t eat enough dirt.  That is not our problem.

Doctor:  Hmmmmmmm.

 

Conversation 9

Doctor:  This looks pretty serious.

Me:  Well, they were just wrestling.  On the coffee table.  With lightsabers.  In the dark.

 

Conversation 10

Doctor:  Well, this is colorful.

Me:  It’s not that I didn’t tell them not to eat the Play-Doh and crayons, it’s just that they needed to learn it for themselves.

 

*Disclaimer- the safety of my kids is hugely important to me.  With that in mind I closely supervise them, but also want them to learn their limits through experience.  I have yet to make an ER visit with one of my kids, but I imagine that day is coming as they get more independent and adventurous.  This is all written tongue-in-cheek.