Mother’s Day tips for Dads

When my mom would ask my dad what he was going to do for her for Mother’s Day he would respond with, “You’re not my mother.” (It should probably be noted that my mom finds that funny, so don’t get all worked up, People.) While technically true, I don’t think most husbands can get away with that kind of logic anymore. Especially not when your kids are still at an age where they think the 97 cents in their piggy bank is a lot of money and have an idea that a great gift for mom would be a skateboard (true story). So Dads, here are some tips for you.

Rebecca Tredway Photography

First of all, let me clarify that these are tips that would help ME have a happy Mother’s Day. Your wife is not me, so she may require a different kind of attention. If you feel compelled, please pass this post along to my husband just to make things easier for him. And Ladies, if this is what would make you happy too, just direct your husbands over here and I’ll be sure they get the (not so subtle) hint.

So as I drift off to sleep on Sunday evening after our Mother’s Day festivities, this is how I will know that I had The Perfect Mother’s Day:

I was not woken up by crying. If somebody cries, this is daddy’s day. If multiple people cry, this is still daddy’s day. I often handle multiple children crying at one time, WHILE making a meal or taking a phone call or giving an additional child a bath, so you can do it today, too. I want to sleep until an ungodly hour like a teenager. You know, like 9 a.m. or something unreasonable like that. And when I wake up, I want it to be because it seemed like a good idea not because somebody was screaming “The Baby makeded a poopie!”

You handled your own mother. I love your mom. You love your mom. Today is the day you need to tell her she did a good job raising you. I can tell her she did, but she wants to hear from you. How do I know this? Because if someday after successfully changing his approximately 2,000 dirty diapers, constructing innumerable Thomas the Tank Engine tracks, quartering his hot dogs until he was 4, and spending movie nights watching cartoon animals make jokes about bodily functions, my son can’t manage to pick up the phone himself I’m going to be pretty steamed.

I cooked nothing. Nothing. No thing. I don’t care if that means we eat cheap fast food three times in one day, I just don’t want to cook anything. Do you know how much I actually cook? If you said three meals a day, you would be woefully mistaken. I prepare meals three times a day, but that often means making something different for the different palates (children, adults, baby) I am cooking for. And then there are snacks. Don’t even get me started on how many times a day I am portioning out graham cracker squares (and eating the broken ones myself because apparently they are toddler poison) or counting out grapes so everybody gets the same amount. And then there’s the slicing of the grapes so nobody chokes. It’s endless. So buying me dinner isn’t going to cut it. I only want to handle food that I am personally eating. And I don’t want to share.

I did not see anyone else’s poop. No diapers. No toilet training. No dog duty. No wiping somebody. No running around to check and see if somebody flushed. Let’s make today a poop-free day as far as Mommy is concerned.

I didn’t discipline anybody. I spend the majority of every day being the law and order around here. Today I want to just enjoy my kids. If somebody needs a time-out I’m telling Dad.

The kids did something adorable. I want something to help me remember how precious our kids were at this stage. A card from them, something with their little handprints, an interview with them about why they love their mom, a gift they picked out themselves, something like that. Something personal that let’s me know you helped them remember Mommy is a human, too.

You made it clear that you value me. A gift? Flowers? A card? Something. It needs to communicate that you get what I’m doing here and you think it matters. I need to know I’m not alone in this and you think I’m doing a pretty good job.

So there you have it, Dads. If you can get this right, you may be in for a pretty awesome Father’s Day in just a month. Like “Star Wars”, pizza, and donuts awesome. You can do it!