Parenting Tip of the Day #8- Let them teach you

I am a big fan of pre teaching.  I feel it’s important to let kids know the expectations before you go into a situation so they know how to be successful.  I have developed a pre teaching vocabulary to help my kids know that their good behavior is important.

Before an event I tell my kids that they are going to teach me something.  They are going to teach me if it’s a good idea to go to library story time, or take them shopping, or to the park.  They are going to teach me if it’s a good idea to give them an extra privilege or reward when we get home.  They will teach me if they need a nap now.  My goal is to help them connect their behavior to the consequences even before they happen.  Even while an event is happening (I am using the word “event” very loosely) I will say to them (in as detached a voice as I can muster), “Interesting.  Well, this definitely teaches me that we may not be ready for making our own breakfast if we’re going to choose to dump cereal on the ground and not clean it up.”

Do you love taking your kids to the park?  I’m going to be honest and say that’s not my favorite thing.  Having four young kids means going to the park feels like releasing a pack of cats and then trying to round them back up again.  So here’s how this “you’re teaching me” language may sound if we’re going to the park.

“I am excited to take you to the park today, but I will be interested to see what you want to teach Mommy today.  When I say, ‘it’s time to go’ I need you to say ‘yes ma’am’ and come to the car.  If you run the other direction, that will teach Mommy that you’re not ready to go to the park yet.”

If the trip goes well:  “Great job!  You taught Mommy that you’re ready to go to the park more often because you were so safe and obeyed Mommy so well.  That makes my heart so happy.”

If the trip doesn’t go well:  “What a bummer!  You taught Mommy that we’re not ready for the responsibility of going to the park because when I called you, you didn’t come.  It’s really important that you come when Mommy calls because that’s part of being safe while we’re out.  We’ll have to wait and try this again when you’ve shown me that I can trust you to obey.”

Let’s be honest- this kind of language sounds ridiculously scripted.  Am I always using it?  Nope.  Do my kids always respond perfectly when I do?  Nope.  But it’s great to have some new language tools if you’re struggling in a particular area.  Sometimes trying something different can be a help to your kids and help you think differently about a situation.  Give it a try!