It’s been great to be able to share with you my thoughts and feelings regarding school choices. I hope what you’ve heard from me is that whatever your decision, make it with a dedication to love your children well and support your sisters who are loving their children well even if their school choice is something different. I will have one more post tomorrow, but I really wanted to get this one to you as soon as possible because I think it’s so good.
I know my experience (just having one Kindergartner) is limited, so I’m delighted to share with you the voices of some people I admire. I can vouch for the character and faith of each one and I’m thankful they were willing to share their stories with me. Here are their school choice thoughts in their own words:
As someone who has been homeschooling for 14 years and now has children in both public school and homeschool, I can honestly say that I have never once experienced someone making snarky comments to me about our choice to homeschool. I’ve had cashiers ask my children what school they go to, but we were always proud to smile and say we homeschool. For some reason it was never offensive to me. It was always an opportunity to be a light. I appreciate the different points of view from both my public school mom friends and homeschool mom friends. . . they keep me balanced. For us the choice of education has been tailored to each child and what their needs are/were. I know that we tend to have this need to passionately defend our choice, but then we close the door to something that may be better for a particular child. It’s really not about us and what works best for us as moms, but what is best for the child. I had to let go of my dreams when I realized public school was a better option for one of my kids. God broke me when I realized it would be pride and selfishness on my part to keep him home. But what a relief to be in His will! We always need to be willing to listen to how God is leading, and if we speak so negatively about the other side, we put ourselves in a difficult position if God does lead us the other way at some point.
-Cristy
I am a parent of seven children, and through our children’s (many!) years of education, we have done just about everything—private Christian schools, homeschool co-op, and public schools. Plus, I have many friends who are homeschoolers. I respect that choice—and frankly, all choices of schooling that are made by parents who are making them in the best interests of their child’s education. This is not a “right or wrong” decision, but one made (one hopes) with wisdom and deliberation and humility.
Having said that, I have to say that there is something that I have heard many, many times from both private school-ers and homeschoolers, and that is something along the lines that they chose their particular mode of schooling as a way of protecting/shielding their kids from all of the bad stuff/bad people that are “out there”.
Dear, dear friends—the biggest sinner your child will encounter in his lifetime is YOU. He is around you more than anyone else, and is seeing up close and personal your foibles and failures. Your hypocrisies. Your secrets that you think no one knows. Your failure to be patient, loving, and forgiving. The evil is not “out there” somewhere; it is in our hearts. It’s being gently and tenderly rooted out by the Master Gardener, one day at a time, it’s true; but it is there and real, and has more of an impact on your kid than probably anything else in his life. Even that kid next to him, who isn’t as well behaved or doesn’t have good social skills or is flailing around in most of his subjects.
Make an informed decision about your schooling for your child–YES! But if you are making it on the basis of keeping your children away from sin, then you will probably only succeed in raising a well-educated Pharisee.
– Kerri
Coming from someone who has taught in both public and private school and who is currently homeschooling, I don’t believe there is “right” or perfect way to educate your kids. I have seen kids thrive in all three settings. Growing up, I attended public school, while my husband was in private, and neither of us is messed up (at least not me!). I agree that people on all sides need to be more careful with what they say in regards to the choices other parents make in this area. Most of these criticisms come off as very subtle cheap shots based in ignorance. I hate hearing people belittle parents who send their kids to public school, because some of the best people I know are public school teachers who are pouring their lives into their students. I also hate when people treat private school families as if they are wasting their money, since it is a personal decision and there are so many factors to consider. It is equally offensive to hear people say that homeschoolers are not provided the opportunity to socialize or be “salt” to a lost world, when I know many homeschooling families that are extremely committed to giving their kids opportunities to interact in their community and with other children their age. I think the one thing we all need to come together on is that this parenting thing is not a contest, and without God’s intervention, we’re all screwing up our kids! We just have to rely on His grace and do the best we can for the season of life we’re in.
-Tiffany
I was a public school mom for three years and am now entering my fourth year of homeschooling. Our reasons to homeschool are specific and have been an obvious plan for our family at this point. For complete transparency, I love being able to teach from a Christian worldview. I use My Father’s World curriculum. I’m one of those conference attending, co-op hosting, timeline making homeschool moms. But here’s the deal. There are so many variables to consider when it comes to education choices. Seriously. Hundreds. Do we believe this, sisters? There are a couple examples I want to submit for our consideration. We need transparency in the parenting community. The sad reality is, homeschooling HAS been used as a veil to conceal horrific child abuse. Uncomfortable? Truth. Admitting, being grieved, and being a voice for the hurting in no way deters me from advocating for a parent’s right to homeschool. Truth loves light. Be in the light as He is in the light! The sad reality is, children in public schools have been bullied to a point of deep, and sometimes irreversible, harm. Some have been led away from a life of faith in Christ. Uncomfortable? Truth. Admitting this does not mean I flee from sacrificial teachers, great friends and communities that I can be involved in. So where does that leave us in my estimation? In the hands of God. . . being grounded in His Word, led by His Spirit and loved by His people. How does the world know we belong to God? By seeing our love for the brothers. (1 John) Let’s point the world to Jesus by loving and supporting and advocating for each other. Not the “I’m on my high horse and even though you arent taking the wise road you may still be saved” kind of love. The sacrificial kind. Do we trust that other brothers & sisters listen to the Spirit? The amazing gift Jesus could send after He ascended? That’s where we should stop. That’s what we tell our children. That God loves us all and leads us all according to His plan. Love those who He loves, my sweet kiddos.
-Becky
Growing up, I hit all three different educational systems–I was in public school for seven years, private school for two years, and home-schooled for four years. I also worked as a paraeducator in a public middle school in an urban area for one year.
The biggest thing the experience taught me is that there isn’t a perfect, one-size-fits-all program. The issue with school choice is almost never between making a right choice and a wrong choice and is almost always one of picking what battles your family is willing and able to fight. (There may be exceptions if you have a really awful local public school, a really awful private school, an unaffordable private school, your family can’t handle home-schooling, etc.)
As far as handling relationships when we disagree with friends on these issues, I think the biggest thing we need is to know that our friends hear us. My parents took a ton of crap from people for sending me to a public school, then took more from a different group when they pulled me out. (I did public school K-2, home-school 3-6, private 7-8, and public 9-12.) People would ask my parents how they could dream of putting me in a public school, as if they weren’t aware of all the issues. It was insulting and hurtful to them and it made them not want to talk about those issues with those people. It’s a testament to my parents’ patience and kindness that they didn’t respond to such people by saying, “Wait, you mean that if we put Jake in public school he’ll be in classes with non-Christians? We had no idea! Thank you so much for telling us, we never would have known otherwise.”
As members of the church, we’re united around the Lord’s Table, where he receives all of us and welcomes all of us. So we have to presuppose that mutual belonging in how we talk to each other. We are brothers and sisters in Christ no matter what. But we can talk about these issues in a way that creates distance and alienation between brothers and sisters, which is a disastrous move on an individual level and in the church at large.
-Jake
Why we do what we do…Our two oldest children went to a public school preschool. Our daughter has Down Syndrome and right after Early Intervention (birth-age 3) a child with special needs gets automatically put into the public school. The parent can choose to have their child stay or go, but all of their therapy services are free through the public school system. We had a really great experience. Our son went as a peer model for a year and he really enjoyed it. They both flourished and the teachers and therapy were really great and kind. I could tell they really loved my children well.
When our daughter went into kindergarten, our son was entering first grade, I had started to flirt with the idea of home schooling. By flirt, I mean, notice it from across a crowded hall and think, “maybe I could do that, but probably not.” As the year progressed, I liked both of my children’s teachers, our daughter was in a mainstreamed classroom, but she began to be pulled out more and more and our son was coming home with no nails because they’d been chewed down to the nub and pencils completely chewed up. He was clearly getting bored. He’s super bright and smart and while waiting for other students to finish up he was gnawing on stuff.
We decided to take the next year and travel around the country, so home schooling became a if-we’re-gonna-do-a-crazy-thing-like-travel-with-four-kids-might-as-well-home-school. We had a really great year and when we moved back into our house sending the kids back to school never became an option. However, we signed our daughter back up for services in our local elementary school for her to get as much therapy as she can. Along with other outside therapy, this has been her best year yet. She’d doing incredible.
We still stay in touch with our public school friends and we really enjoy them and have the kids over to play. We live in a very liberal part of the country, so I want my children to be exposed to hard issues. I don’t want them to grow up in a bubble of home schooling that would make their worldview seem narrow, but rather have them LOVE Jesus first and foremost and ask us hard questions. Like, “why does my friend have two moms or two dads?” “why doesn’t my friends dad live with them?” “my friend says he believes in God, but they go to a temple and not a church, what’s the difference?” There’s a lot of hard questions out there that our kids aren’t exposed to when we’re keeping them at home in a more controlled and sheltered environment. Books are great, but sometimes the best way to make things REAL is to let them have real friends who REALLY experience hard things and talk about it.
Right now home schooling is working for us. We’re enjoying it. We’re enjoying one another and the kids are still able to be a part of the community with relationships that they’ve built in the past. We’re able to have conversations about tough things and filter them through what Jesus says in His Word and try to learn to love the folks around us who are different then us and how to pray for them and love them well.
-Michelle
I only homeschooled for a semester. Hardly qualifies me to talk from a place of lots of experience. But I spent 10 years preparing my heart, my curriculum, my relationship with my husband & children, attending multiple homeschooling conferences & practicums–in preparation for what I thought my life was going to be about. I was was raised in a religious home that was nowhere close to Jesus. My first experience with Christian parenting was through an amazing homeschooling family who I nannied for and lived with while planning my wedding. I learned so much through their example that there was absolutely no option for me but to homeschool. When we had kids, we bought homeschool books, researched, planned, shared our plans, talked at length with family & friends, and even started attending conferences when our oldest was 3. Fast forward to a semester into homeschooling after I had joined a co-op, joined another formal group, and was in the midst of teaching our son to read and loving every minute of it. I began having health issues that sent me to the ER several times (first time in an ER since breaking a bone as a child) before we figured out what was going on. I tried to keep homeschooling into that 2nd semester but the stress of doing that and trying to work through my health issues wasn’t working. Feeling like I failed, I cried and enrolled our son in public–but began filling out our Rule 13 for the next year to begin homeschooling again.
When we dropped out of our co-op and our formal group, we had mixed reactions. From me and others! I got many hugs. Most everyone said they’d pray for me, and I know they did. Some asked if maybe I was homeschooling too intently. Some said it was hard to homeschool, and they understood if I didn’t want to do it anymore because they’d been there many times (yet were still homeschooling…so I guess they thought I was giving up.) Some said they struggled with my health issue too, but “God worked it out.” My mentor mom told me graciously, “You don’t have to homeschool! (It isn’t in the Bible!)” Thank God for her. Our families were relieved to see us be more “normal.” When entering the public school system, the teachers and administrators made no comments about our former choice and welcomed us. They said I was always welcome to check in with them. The public school parents made no comments as I transitioned other than curiosity, and the usual, “Wow!”
Over the past year and a half, God has worked in my heart deeply and given me a passionate desire to help parents and children know Jesus in the public school system. That’s what I fell in love with during my time with that sweet homeschooling family–it was not just “homeschooling” that I loved because I actually didn’t “do” much of that with them or see it–but rather I DID see the shepherding of a child’s heart, discipling our kids, and living as an intentional woman, wife, and mother in a fallen world. As we transitioned to becoming a family with kids in public school, we truly appreciated the people around us who acted like nothing ever changed except the physical location of the primary academic training of our kids. Because in our mind, that IS all that changed. The school choice was truly a minor issue, the parenting is what it was all about.
-LeAnn
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