Let’s get something out of the way first: You love the library. Your kids are awesomely well behaved. They have a lust for learning and feel the library is their home away from home. Fantastic. We’re all very proud of you. (Or maybe you work at the library. Bless you.)
And then there’s the rest of us.
The library is such an awesome idea in theory. IN THEORY. You can borrow books! You can bring them back and get more books! Kid books! Reference books! Fiction and non! Cookbooks, audio books, and you can even sit and read a magazine. What could go wrong?
And then you try to bring young kids to the library.
The library has a value system that is totally foreign to your average young child. The Library wants you to be quiet. It places a high priority on keeping things orderly (like VERY specifically and alphabetically). It does not want you to bring in a baggie of Cheerios, wet your pants, have access to a crayon, or have need of a trashcan. It is basically a place designed by old ladies for old ladies. And also for college students who are exceptionally good at sneaking in food and casually sleeping in library chairs.
The toddler value system places a high priority on VOLUME! ENERGY! Creating mess out of what was orderly and chaos out of what was calm. They will attempt to do this in your home, at the grocery store, at Grandma’s house, the church nursery, how much more at the library?
Now, The Library knows it is not a great fit for toddlers, but it also really WANTS toddlers to develop a love of learning. The Library is just thoughtful like that. So it tries to meet the needs of toddlers by providing a toddler story time. This is invariably lead by one of two types of women.
Type 1: Loves children, authoritative and energetic, exciting storyteller, good at keeping order, adequate singing voice, phenomenal at remembering names.
Type 2: The lady who lost whatever drawing of lots decided who had to be in charge of Toddler Story Time. Lacks any sort of warmth, is not aware that toddlers are not just small adults, would rather be sorting the card catalogue (if such a thing still exists).
If you get Type 1, good for you! Count your blessings. If you show up for Toddler Time and it’s Type 2, hold on to your hats. It’s going to be a bumpy ride. And you probably won’t be coming back to the library for a couple months out of shame for whatever (toddler appropriate but totally unacceptable) behavior was demonstrated by your children. Which is probably what Mrs. Type 2 was hoping for in the first place.
So if you can’t make it through story time, but still venture into the library with your young kids, what kind of drama awaits you? Your child will want a book. He will want a book he cannot describe to you, but whatever book you show him, that is NOT the book he is trying to describe. Your other child doesn’t want a certain book, but just a type of book. She wants a princess book. Now you are searching through shelf upon shelf of books that are categorized based on the author’s last name for a book on princesses. Needle in a haystack, for sure. And while you’re doing that she is helpfully yanking books off the shelf and then discarding them on the floor, where you then have to try and alphabetically resehelve them and for every one you put away, she has pulled out three more. Your oldest brings you a book and insists this is the one he wants. You inform him that you already have that book at home, but he isn’t deterred. You bring the book home with the full knowledge that it will make its way into your bookshelf because you mistakenly thought it was the copy you already had and you will end up buying this book from the library- yes, a book you already owned you will now own two copies of.
And half the time nobody wants a book anyway. So you join the ranks of the shamed and shameful by going to a place with a hundred thousand books on every fascinating topic under the sun and leaving with two Thomas the Tank Engine movies. You are well aware that these discs are scratched already so as to be entirely unplayable after the theme song is over which will cause your kids to cry and there’s a good likelihood the library will fine you for damage done by somebody else’s three year-old, but you check them out anyway in the eternal hope that this time will be different. And because you are really sick of the kids badgering you and you are just ready to get out of there with what little dignity you have left intact. (translation- before the potty-training toddler pees himself)
Now I know the whole point of the library is the ability to “borrow” a book and return it at no cost. This is not how the library functions for our family. We have less of a “borrowing” scenario going on, and much more of a “leasing” situation. We put money down on books we didn’t even like enough to want to buy until we find them in somebody’s pajama drawer and remember to bring them back. Or else we go the “rent-to-own” route and just pay enough fees that they don’t even want the book back anymore and we’re tired of the shame. Seriously, I needed cash for the babysitter the other day and went to the library to break a twenty. I knew there would be some kind of fee there and it seemed like the simplest solution.
But we keep trying. We tell ourselves, “Someday this will be worth it! Someday they will be professors and will tell everybody that their love of learning started by going to the library with their mom.” We just hope they don’t remember the part where Mom was crying, “We are never coming back here again until you’re old enough to control your bladder, find your own books, and have a job so you can pay your own fines!”
Someday. . .
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