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Putting a barely potty-trained toddler to bed means dealing with the impressive stalling tactics of The Boy who Cried “Poop”.
Joel got hurt and was crying.
Me: What happened? Can you tell me with your words? Use your words.
Joel: WOOOOOOOORDS!
Guess I should have seen that coming.
Child hands me a snack to open while I’m distracted. I mindlessly open it and then eat it. Child watches and weeps.
#momfail
When four kids watch “Dinosaur Train” and three of them are adopted, they WILL argue about which one of them is Buddy.
#adoptivefamilyproblems
Sometimes taking your kid to the doctor feels like taking your car to the mechanic. “She was making this weird sound, I swear. It was like this cachuggaSQUEE sound, but only first thing in the morning. I mean, she’s not making it now, but just before we got here she was. . . You’re not sure what that was, but maybe we should try this thing that costs $149 and see if that fixes it? Sounds about right.”
Was ready to pour myself some coffee and head out the door when I realized we were out of travel mugs. Briefly considered pouring coffee into a sippy cup. This is my life.
Me: Josh, I found Baby’s pacifier! Do you still need it?
Josh: Nope. She just likes my chocolate fingers.
(come around the corner and see her sucking on his thumb)
Adorable. And gross.
(Bethany comes in the room crying)
Me: Oh no! What happened?
Bethany: I hit myself with a block. I was trying to be awesome.
#obviouslyhasbrothers
Sign you have watched too many documentaries on the dangers of owning exotic animals: You feel vaguely uncomfortable watching “Curious George” with the kids.
A local radio station keeps running promos that say they’ve been named the best station in “a three state region”. The Doofenshmirtz in me feels compelled to yell back at the radio “in the TRI STATE AREA!”
In adulthood my kids are in for a shock when they realize one hot cocoa packet was not actually meant to be divided among four people.
Before you ask your child to put his wet pants in the hamper, it might be good to find out if he knows what a hamper is. Otherwise you might find them the next day shoved into his pajama drawer.
You know you’re an adult when you can’t enjoy “Home Alone” because all you can think about is all the cleaning that mom has to do when she gets home.
If finding a pacifier and putting it in a crying mouth all in the pitch dark were a sport, I could go pro.
I’m doing five days worth of laundry and wondering what’s more irritating- the child who wore 12 pairs of socks, or the child who wore one pair of underwear?
“If your mom is having a meeting at your house with a caseworker about how your foster sister is doing, it’s a good idea to go into your room and come out only wearing a pull-up. It’s nice for caseworkers to see how she handles real parenting challenges. Your mom will thank you later. I think.”
-Joel (23 months)
A couple years ago my dad proposed for our Christmas gift exchange we all just pass a twenty dollar bill to the person on our left. I think he was joking, but each year it starts to sound like a better and better idea.
#simplify
Bethany (age 4): MOM!!! The mailman TOOK THE LETTERS we put IN THE BOX! Now he have to deliver them. Hahahahahahaha. (whispering) My plan is working.
#evilgenius #sortof
Danny (trying to quiet the baby crying in the swing): I can’t control her! WHERE ARE HER BUTTONS?!
#goodquestion
Me: Shoot, Danny! There’s a hole in your pants! We’ll need to get different ones.
Danny: But Mom, I like to feel the wind on my knees.
To each his own.
Foster Parenting: The only time you gain the baby weight AFTER the baby is born.
Sometimes I think if I were a better mom my kids wouldn’t cry so much. And then I find my daughter weeping because “You usda live in a tiny house without me. I WANTED to live in TINY HOUSE!!!!!!” Nope. Can’t fix that one.
I had a great time talking to a group of future foster parents tonight. I found out two of the couples were blog readers of mine and another one said she and her husband got interested in foster parenting after randomly meeting me and my kids at an ice-cream shop FOUR YEARS AGO. I love seeing how God uses my family to nudge people into caring for His kids. I feel incredibly blessed to be part of what He is doing.
Signs you are raising a Mennonite toddler:
-He makes sure all doors are closed and lights are turned off behind him.
-While capable of saying “I love you” he seems fairly uncomfortable about it and avoids showy displays of affection.
-In the bathtub you can tell he believes in full immersion. A sprinkling would never do.
-He cleans. Obsessively.
-When you listen to music, he is too dignified to dance, but does seem to be trying to sing harmony.
#biokidsarefunny
International and foster adoption: Like being pregnant and having somebody change your due date every couple weeks. . . over the course of 2 years.
#frustrating #worthit #paceyourself
I’m putting together Christmas updates for the biological families of my children and I’m feeling sad that Joel (our bio baby) doesn’t have a birth family that wants an update.
#adoptivefamilyproblems
Me: What is this?
Danny: I draw you. At the beach.
It appears I have reached my weight loss goals, but it didn’t bring me the happiness I was searching for.
I’m just going to admit it: “While You Were Sleeping” is my favorite Christmas movie.
Danny: Mom, everyone sleeping but me. I a cow-yote. (Coyote)
Well that explains a few things. . .
Josh’s actual letter to Santa:
Dear Santa Claus,
I don’t know what I want for Christmas. Are the reindeer well fed? I guess I want tomato pizza. Don’t give Bethany any tomato pizza or Danny.
#bigbrother
Me: Do you want to go help Dad with organizing the garage?
Josh: Nope. I’d rather stay with you.
Me: He might be using power tools.
Josh: . . . It’s cold out there. I’m staying in.
Me: I bet with just boys out there it would be okay to burp as much as you wanted.
Josh: See you later, Mom.
#boys #priorities
Only when the last load of laundry is in the dryer do the socks feel it’s safe to come out of hiding.
I threaten it every Christmas, but this may finally be the year I take a brown sharpie to that obnoxious blonde curl on the Fisher Price nativity Baby Jesus.
Set my coffee cup too close to where I was making frosting and now there’s powdered sugar in my coffee.
#serendipity
Me: So what were your favorite presents this year?
Bethany (age 4): My Nerf gun and my remote control car.
#loveher #girlwithbrothers
Me: Why don’t you go play with your Transformer?
Bethany: Mom. It’s not just a Transformer. It’s an Autobot!
#myprincess
Bethany (age 4): Josh, I’m having fun with you.
Josh (age 7): I’m having fun with you, too.
B: Awwww. That makes me want to give you bubble gum.
J: Well, I want to give YOU jelly beans.
Maybe having all the kids home from school isn’t so bad after all.
He who sleeps with the most stuffed animals
Will wet the bed most frequently
-Ancient Maralee Proverb
“Mommy, I dropped the toilet paper roll into the dirty toilet water. But don’t worry. I wiped it with the towel, so just leave it on the counter and I think it will be dry and you can use it in the morning.”
-Child Who Shall Remain Nameless
Josh: Is Mary babysitting us?
Me: Nope. She couldn’t make it.
Josh: Well, who is babysitting us?
Me: Nobody. We’re just staying in.
Josh: Mom, you guys NEED a date night.
Me: Yeah, but we love spending time with you guys, too.
Josh: But Mom. We are A LOT of trouble sometimes. You need to get out.
#truth #lovehim