Don’t be Color Blind

We’ve been talking a lot about race at our house since Josh is out of school for Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Well, the reality is that we talk about race a lot at our house all the time without it being intentional. Sometimes we’re talking about our racial differences, or what makes the culture of a group of people unique, or even how different members of our family need to take care of their skin differently. We are a multiracial family (European,  West African, Native American, Hispanic) and race isn’t something we can avoid talking about.

We are a family that sees and appreciates the different shades of beauty that exist in the world. We enjoy learning about culture and ethnicity and appreciate what different people groups have contributed to our society (especially when it comes to food. . . yum). When our kids meet somebody, they are likely to ask them about their racial background especially if that person looks like them. They are not ashamed of racial differences nor do they ignore them. (I keep fighting the urge to write a giant disclaimer about how although I can teach them to value their cultures, I can’t replicate the experience my children would have growing up in their birth cultures and that is a loss to them. But that’s a post for another day because I have too many thoughts about it. Just know that I get that.)

So I get a little concerned when I hear somebody boast about being “color blind”. I find that phrase troubling. It is great to judge people not by the “color of their skin, but by the content of their character”, but does that mean we should be color blind? When I hear that phrase, the implication to me is that we don’t want to see the color of someone’s skin because to acknowledge that they are different would be to say that they are bad. It implies a sense of shame about color. We DO see the color and we should appreciate what makes our colorful neighbors unique and special, not try to imply that we are homogenous.

Race and culture are part of all of our identities. When you are part of the majority culture it is easy to not acknowledge that reality. We don’t think about our race because all around us it is reflected back to us that our race is the norm. TV shows predominately feature people of our race as main characters. Our politicians and city leaders look like us. The history our kids learn in school is generally told from the perspective of our ancestors. Our church uses cultural expressions that feel totally normal and comfortable to us. We don’t have to question the value or “rightness” of our race because it is normalized and reflected back to us in every aspect of our life. (Obviously there are exceptions in more racially diverse areas of the country, but white people are considered the “majority” for a reason.) It is easy to call yourself “color blind” when you don’t understand how much color may matter to someone who doesn’t benefit from the same majority status you do.

Ethnic, cultural, and racial identity matter. They do not determine our worth before God, but they are a big part of who we are. They shape our life experiences, our expectations, and our preferences. God created us in different colors and I don’t imagine his plan was that we shouldn’t notice his creativity. If you are color blind in the literal sense, I imagine there is a loss. It must be harder to appreciate the beauty of a great painting or a magical sunset or the vibrant colors of a parrot. Seeing in color is a beautiful gift from a God who wants his handiwork to be appreciated.

I want to raise kids who are not ashamed of their color. I want my kids to acknowledge the beauty of who they are and the beauty of the people who are different from them. And yes, at the ages my kids are right now (7, 4, 4, and 2) that sometimes means those conversations are about whose people group is the best. This is not a moment for me to freak out about racism or try to tamp down the love they have for their own ethnicity. I want them to be proud of how God made them and of the unique history of their ancestry. These conversations become a great chance for us to talk about equality, but within the context of acknowledging differences.

I love that my family is living the dream of Dr. King. That in our home “. . .  little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.” I hope that if he could see the way my children love and accept each other, he would be proud. I know I am. I can’t help but feel that our society will be different a generation from now because of the many families like mine that are challenging stereotypes and role modeling a love that is more than skin deep.

So as you’re parenting your children, model for them an appreciation for color. Own story books that feature characters of different nationalities. Attend cultural festivals in your community. Talk to them about the sad history of America when it comes to slavery or civil rights or the Trail of Tears. Don’t discourage them from asking questions about race when they begin to notice racial differences. Be proud of your own heritage and discuss what makes your people unique. Above all, don’t be color blind. Be color appreciative.

“I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.”

-Dr. Marin Luther King, Jr.