Come be part of the fun on Facebook or Twitter.
Choosing where to eat dinner after listening to a sermon about gluttony = awkward.
The seven year-old is reading bedtime stories to the two year-old. Is this why they say parenting gets easier when you have more kids? I could get used to this.
The toddlers who play tea party with a pitcher of water
Will be the toddlers who later forget they are potty trained
-Ancient Maralee Proverb
An organization I partner with compensated me for something I wrote for them with a Dairy Queen gift card. So NOW my family believes I’m a professional writer.
Baby with reflux + tummy time = spit-up volcano
Me: I think I should bake something today.
Joel: Cookie!
Bethany: Cake!
Danny: You think Daddy could shoot a rhinoceros and then we can eat it, but I DON’T want it toasted.
Me: So either cake, cookies or untoasted rhinoceros? Awesome.
My dad is taking off work to watch Nebraska play in the NCAA tournament. I’m pretty sure each element of that sentence was specifically mentioned in Revelation as a sign of a coming apocalypse.
Thought I was totally cool with registering Danny for Kindergarten. Then I realized during some kind of out-of-body experience I sent a long rambling message to the woman I hope will be his teacher. I may not drunk dial, but I do irrationally email.
#separationanxiety #mamabear
Me: Guys, let’s be a little quiet so I can hear the game. Our team is playing, but they’re losing.
Bethany: Nooooo! I picked them! I put them on my paper! Oh no! (and then she starts crying)
And just like that another little girl learns the hard truth about sentimental bracket picks.
Sign you don’t go out often enough: You find yourself putting on make-up and jewelry in preparation for eating pizza on the couch and watching “Frozen”.
I feel a little awkward about this time of year when a bunch of guys co-opt the terms “big dance”, “sweet sixteen”, and “Cinderella story” for their own purposes.
#marchmadness
Dear Spring,
I packed away my sweaters. Take a hint already.
I sent my preschoolers to the basement so they wouldn’t wake up the napping babies. Preschoolers proceed to start some kind of death metal band involving a harmonica, a drum, an accordion, and a screaming lead vocal.
Well played, Preschoolers.
I love my husband so much, when I’m with him it’s almost like being alone. I now realize this is a compliment only an introvert would appreciate. Probably should have thought about that before I told it to my extrovert husband.
#hindsight
5 kids. 5 unique racial backgrounds. 5 different types of soap/shampoo/body wash to keep track of.
#transracialfamilyproblems
A fun game:
Pretend to be asleep on the couch. When the two year-old comes to investigate, open your eyes and yell, “Oogily boogily!” Two year-old laughs.
A not fun game:
Pretend to be asleep on the couch. When the two year-old comes to investigate, open your eyes and yell, “Oogily boogily!” Two year-old is terrified and head butts you.
I have played both versions of this game tonight.
#Iregretnothing
Bethany (crying): Mom! Look! There a dead bird! I so sad about it.
Me: Maybe he was an old bird and he lived a good long life.
Bethany: I think he was a evil bird who poked a lot of people. I’m glad he’s dead! (evil laugh)
#moodswings
Things you wish you never had to say #39:
“If you have poop on your hand, DO NOT wipe it on your shirt.”
Josh: Mom, we’ve been learning about digestion in school. You know, how when you eat your food goes down to your large contestant and your small contestant.
#almost