I have been partnering with My Bridge Radio for a couple years now to talk about issues impacting moms and families. And it all started with an interview about foster care. After that experience, I started doing 90 second spots (speaking of which, I need to get back to doing those!) and now for the last two years I’ve been doing monthly conversations on a range of topics. But in my heart, this is all still a conversation about loving kids who need love. I look forward to the month every year when instead of just implying those things or bringing them into unrelated conversations, I get to talk openly about my heart for foster care and foster kids. So here it is! September is the month My Bridge Radio sets aside to talk about foster care (they are interviewing several foster families and providing an opportunity for people to thank a foster mom, which I think is such a great idea) and it is also the month where the foster care agency we work with holds its informational meetings. I’d encourage you to check out our agency and feel free to come to a training in your area. No pressure, I promise! And free dinner!
So here’s my interview below along with some additional thoughts. There’s always stuff I think about later that I forgot to cover. I’d also love to have you come check out my current post on Her View From Home that opens the door to specific questions about foster care. If you have thoughts or questions, I’m all ears!
-My story of a calling to foster care and adoption started when I was really young. I remember playing “orphanage” with my dolls all the time. God used infertility to move that along, but even before we knew we had infertility issues we were pursuing kids in crisis. The way God first brings the needs of foster kids to your awareness may be different, but it’s a whisper worth hearing.
-Lots of people in lots of different life circumstances can be called into foster care. It doesn’t always make sense, so you can expect people to be surprised or even discouraging when they find out you’re pursuing this. You can be a foster parent with an “empty nest”, with a full house, with young kids, with teenagers in your home, whatever.
-Families have different giftings. I like to think of each family as having their own niche in the foster care world. While we have done older kids in the past, we feel strongly that right now we are best able to serve babies. Hopefully as our kids get older, we will be able to serve older kids again. When we understand and respect our limits, it keeps us from burning out. We want to see foster parents do this for the long haul (there is a great benefit in understanding the system through years of involvement and the connections you create with caseworkers, visitation workers, lawyers, judges, etc.) and not feel pressured into taking placements that aren’t right for their family. This does mean you have to fight the guilt of saying “no” to a child, but this is easier to do when you’re looking at this from a longterm perspective.
-There are a lot of areas where you don’t have control in foster care, but you DO have the ability to control what child comes into your home. You also have the ability to have a child moved if there is a major problem in your home. In Nebraska (and many other states) there is a ten day notice policy— you can let your caseworker know they need to have a child moved within the next ten days. Nobody wants to do this. It’s devastating to the child, but it’s important to know that you do have the ability to reevaluate how a placement is going.
-There can be difficulties for your biological or adopted children when you bring foster kids into your home, but it is also a broadening and beautiful experience for your family. You want to be intentional about how you include and talk to your kids about what’s going on to minimize the negative impacts.
-Foster care is our “mission field” during this season of life. That puts a different spin on everything we do. We believe in redemption. We want to be Jesus in the system. It kills me when I hear about “Christian” foster parents who are actively trying to sabotage the biological family or they’re openly hostile to caseworkers or demeaning of judges or intensely critical of visitation supervisors. Nobody wins in this scenario, certainly not the cause of Christ. We have to be peacemakers in a system that is set up to create adversaries. It isn’t easy, and by all means we have to be advocates for what’s “best” for the children, but we can’t act as though we are unbiased in that respect. We have to constantly evaluate if we are advocating what’s best for them and their families or what is easiest for us or makes us look good. This is the truly hard work of foster care.
– Foster care isn’t for everybody, but everybody can do something to support the work of foster care. Make meals for foster families. Bring diapers. Get licensed to do respite. Volunteer as a CASA or for some other advocacy agency in your state (in Nebraska, I love the Foster Care Review Office). Donate your gently used clothes to places like The Foster Care Closet. Call a local foster care agency and ask how you could help. Ask a foster family in your church what they need. Whatever your gifts are, use them on behalf of foster kids.
-This journey starts with little steps. At no point are you obligated to take the next step, but by not taking the first step you have said “no” already. It’s easy to think there aren’t kids in your community who need help when you don’t put yourself in a position to hear about their needs. Nobody will call you unless you have your license. You can’t get your license if you don’t call an agency. Start with the little steps and see where God leads.