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Sometimes you get halfway through lunch before realizing there’s a bag of dead bugs on the table beside you.
#motherhood #raisingfutureentomologists
About the same time you can’t see anything below your bellybutton, your doctor hands you a tiny cup and asks you to start bringing in a urine sample every two weeks. . .
#thirdtrimesterproblems
It’s always nice when your daughter bursts into tears at the sight of you when you come to pick her up from her first day of preschool because, “I was having so much fun I didn’t want to leeeeeeeeeave!”
Sometimes I miss being the mom who was judging the mom feeding her ten month-old a french fry instead of BEING the mom who is feeding her ten month-old a french fry. But then I remember how hard is it to try and be the perfect mom all the time and I just hand that baby another one.
#momconfession
Contemplating putting a beautifully lettered sign up in our home that says, “Mommy loves you even if you wet your pants or the bed. But she gets angry when you hide the evidence.”
I was worrying about how we were going to make the grocery budget stretch until the end of the month. And then I heard the sound of my two year-old dumping a box of cereal on the floor. It’s like God designed a “trust fall” exercise just when I needed it. . .
I’ve been looking for a “big sister” t-shirt for our foster daughter to wear when our new baby is born. Turns out they don’t make a lot of those in the 9 month size.
#figures #fosterfamilyproblems
Apparently Iggy Azalea does not want me to taste her GUM, but is asking if I can taste her GOLD. I think I like my original interpretation better.
#toooldforpopmusic
Chicken legs under the broiler = monthly fire alarm check.
Having a toddler with separation anxiety who grieves his siblings leaving for school and Dad leaving for work means we live Psalm 2:12 out very literally:
“Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and you perish in the way, for his wrath is quickly kindled.”
I’m thinking of teaching the babies that McDonald’s is called Trader Joe’s. That way when they cry, “We want Trader Joe’s” I’ll sound more like a hipster mom and less like a negligent mom.
#momconfession
Just heard our most current home study was 30 pages long. I’m guessing by the next time we update it they will also require letters of reference from our pets and copies of our five most recent selfies.
#fosterfamilyproblems #worthit
Any idea how long I have to keep this on my desk until I can throw it away without being a bad mom?
The same anticipation and excitement I used to have about waiting for a boy to pick me up for a date, I now feel waiting for the babysitter to arrive.
Braxton Hicks contractions always seem to start around 5 p.m. I’m pretty sure my uterus is trying to get me out of making dinner. Well done, Uterus. Well done.
1. Spend weeks teaching the baby to sign “more”.
2. Feel super proud when you succeed.
3. Realize you have now created a demanding baby monster.
4. Regret ever teaching the baby to sign.
5. Suffer amnesia about this and repeat the process with each new baby.
It’s fun to see the midwife’s facial expression when she asks what you plan to do for birth control after your baby is born and you say, “Infertility.”
Pulled a crusted booger off the baby’s upper lip which immediately fell into her open mouth.
#nailedit
Josh: Mom, a girl already has a crush on me.
Bethany: Well a BOY has a crush on ME.
J: You don’t even know what that means.
B: Yes I do! It means he sneezed on me and he DID!
#soclose