I’m afraid too many moms have bought into a lie that to be a good mom, you should be an exhausted mom— never time for rest because we’re so invested in meeting the needs of our kids. There are definitely seasons of motherhood where exhaustion is unavoidable (with a two week-old in our house right now, that season is definitely upon me), but I don’t think it should be the norm. This month’s Morning Conversation allowed me to talk through why we’re so tired, how we sabotage our ability to get rest, and how to prioritize our need for refreshment.
You can listen to the interview via the link below and/or read my additional thoughts underneath it.
-Motherhood can bring about a deep exhaustion that drives us to seek out rest. Meeting the needs of dependent children can mean physical exhaustion as we spend the hours we should be sleeping rocking the sick child, changing the wet beds, chasing away the nightmares, and doing the 4 a.m. feedings (sometimes all in the same night). We can experience emotional exhaustion as we deal with temper tantrums, or rebellious teens, or preschooler dramatics, or irrational fears (our own and our child’s), or the marital conflict that parenting can bring. We can experience spiritual exhaustion when we find ourselves falling asleep during our prayer time, continually interrupted when we try to read our Bibles, and isolated from Christian community because of our sick kids or feeding schedules or lack of childcare. It’s this exhaustion that points us toward a need for rest.
-The same way we can look at our crying toddler at 1:30 in the afternoon and know he’s emotional and frustrated not because his life is so bad, but because he needs a nap, sometimes we need to realize that about ourselves, too. When I’m snapping at my kids, short with my husband, angry at myself over what I’m not accomplishing, that may be the time to tell myself, “You need a nap.” Even if I can’t get the rest I need at that moment, it’s good to see those negative emotions for what they are— an indication that I’ve reached a level of exhaustion that’s unhealthy. If I think those emotions are the true picture of my reality, I’m going to start to feel bitter, disillusioned and ready to quit.
-We sabotage our ability to rest because of guilt and pride. Aren’t moms supposed to be exhausted? Isn’t a well-rested mom a lazy mom? Do we take pride in how busy we are, how much we’re accomplishing, and how much we do for our family? Does our desire to be needed keep us from teaching our kids the life skills they need to be self-sufficient? If rest is what we need, we need to be honest about what keeps us from getting that rest. There may be legitmate reasons (we can’t really abandon the newborn’s 4 a.m. feedings), but there may be ways we’re unnecessarily hurting ourselves.
-Along with being honest with ourselves, we need to be honest with our community about our need for rest. How will our husbands know how exhausted we are if we try to act like superwomen? Is there a friend who could exchange babysitting with? Do you need to let your mom or mother-in-law know how much it would mean if you could get a night away while she watched your kids? It’s hard to humble yourself and admit you need help, but it may be beneficial to your relationships if people know you are actually human.
-God rested. He set the model for us that even if you are the all-powerful God of the universe, you need to set time aside for rest. That should help us let go of the guilt we feel in taking time to rest. We need to prioritize it, although that may mean more work up front. We all know it’s easier to do things ourselves rather than delegate them to our kids, but if we’re going to be able to have some kind of Sabbath, we need to do the pre teaching about what that’s going to look like in our house. In my family growing up, Sundays were a day we all had quiet time in a rooms- toddlers and teenagers alike had a rest time so my parents could rest (either literally or just by having quiet in the house). That required training so we understood what the expectations were, but once we were trained it made for a peaceful environment.
-Spiritual rest is going to look different for different people. You have to figure out what is refreshing for you and what helps you focus on your relationship with God and prioritize it. Sometimes the most spiritually refreshing thing I do in the day is the dishes— warm, soapy water, the peaceful sound of running water, a kind of mindless activity— for me, it’s very calming and allows my mind to focus on deeper things. You’ve got to find what that is for you— running, driving, crocheting— for some of us, engaging our body in something mindless frees our soul to engage in the spiritual.
-Rest requires boundaries. Set them with your kids and with yourself.
-I don’t want to just survive these stressful years of raising young kids. I want to be a good mom. That means being rested. Maybe I could just tough it out until the kids are off on their own, but I don’t want to burn-out. I don’t like the kind of mom I am when I’m exhausted and I don’t think my kids like it either. Rest is a gift I give my kids as much as it is something I do for myself.
Anyone have something to add? How do you make rest happen when you’re raising young kids?
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