The Conflicted Heart of a Foster Mom

Photos by Rebecca Tredway Photography

When you first get into this fostering thing, it’s easy to just be focused on the kids. That’s how they sell you on foster care, right? Poor needy children have no place to sleep tonight unless you let them in your home. It’s true and we do this because we love kids, but there comes a moment when you realize it isn’t just about the children.

We have worked with kids ages birth to eighteen and while the kids have had struggles, the hardest part of this process has never been the children. The hardest part has been dealing with a system that moves slowly and learning how to build relationships with people who have hurt the very children you’re trying to help. It feels counterintuitive to want to see them get help and make changes when you love their child and are worried about them going home, but when you see how much these kids love their parents, you can’t help but root for them.

I had an idyllic childhood. I came from a middle-class family where parents stayed married and extended family was supportive and available. My mom stayed home to invest in her kids, my dad worked a good job to provide for us. While we may have had clothes from Goodwill (before it was cool to have clothes from Goodwill) and we didn’t go out to eat much, I don’t remember being hungry or wanting for any of the necessities. My parents taught me the value of education and that to succeed you need to work hard. They told me to trust the police, obey my teachers, follow the rules. But what if that hadn’t been the case?

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