Today is the first day it’s starting to feel cold, crisp and like fall is really here. That must mean Thanksgiving is right around the corner. It’s a time of year where we want to be intentionally thankful for the beauty that’s in our lives and the struggles that remind us how beautiful the beauty really is. So for this month’s radio interview, I wanted to talk about cultivating a spirit of thankfulness in our kids.
Photo by Rebecca Tredway Photography
Below you’ll find a link to listen to the interview and some written thoughts of mine below to go along with it. Thanks for listening!
-We can’t really expect our kids to live lives of gratitude if we aren’t modeling it. If we are acting entitled and bitter about the circumstances of our lives, it’s hard to expect our kids will behave any differently when things aren’t going their way. Sometimes gratitude is spontaneous and overwhelming when we see how God is bringing beauty out of our pain, but sometimes we choose to be grateful even when life makes it hard.
-Teaching kids to be thankful may start with us expressing thankfulness to our kids when we see them doing what we’ve asked. We also teach them by reminding them to express thankfulness to others. My husband reminds them to thank me for meals or laundry. I remind them to thank him for pumping up bike tires or surprising us with donuts. We also play a game around birthdays and Christmas where we practice saying “thank you” even if a gift isn’t what we anticipated. I’ll say, “Oh look! Joel got a nice can of moldy tuna!” and then Joel will say, “Thank you for that tuna!” The kids love this game and have fun thinking of weird gifts to pretend to give each other. We discuss how this isn’t about lying and saying you love something you don’t actually like, it’s about acknowledging that when someone gives you a gift, it’s because they love you. We can be thankful they thought of us and invested in us even if the gift itself isn’t perfect.
-When we meet the needs of our kids before they’ve had a chance to express them (or even feel them), we rob them of the chance to be truly grateful. We can see that in our own lives— what are the things I am most thankful for? Usually they are things that have come at a cost or took time or have been taken away for a season. It’s the same for our kids. When they have to work for something or they know the effort that went into it, it becomes more natural to feel thankful.
-Sometimes it feels selfish or self-serving to make kids say “thank you” for the things we do for them, but the ultimate goal is that they learn to thank God. If we don’t help them acknowledge their needs and work at expressing thanks, how will they learn to express that to God?
-If we see our kids aren’t thankful, we need to address that. It isn’t just about having them say “thank you” when prompted. If they are treating their toys with carelessness, it may be because they aren’t thankful (likely because they have too many toys). Those toys may need to disappear for a time until you know your kids would be thankful to have them back. If they are ungrateful for the meal you prepared, maybe they need to help you with meal preparation the next day. If they show you they aren’t grateful for the effort you put into cleaning their toothpaste mess out of the sink, it’s probably time for them to clean their own toothpaste mess.
-Looking for a tangible way to help your kids think about what they’re thankful for? Make a Thanksgiving Tree. It’s easy. I promise. If it weren’t, I wouldn’t do it because I am not a crafty lady.
-If our kids aren’t thankful, it may be because they don’t have a bigger picture of what life is like for other people. If we see an attitude of entitlement creeping up, it may be time to educate our kids about what life is like in other corners of the world or even our city. This isn’t about having pity, but about learning compassion and seeing that we can be thankful in spite of our circumstances.
Any other suggestions for helping your kids develop a grateful heart? Please share!