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Nursing the baby in the bed with you in the middle of the night is a really sweet and precious time. . .unless your baby is a projectile vomiter.
#everydayislaundryday
Sign you are sleep deprived: When sending your child out to the bus, you blow a kiss to your child and then accidentally blow a kiss to the bus driver instead of your usual wave.
I’m finally figuring out how to do life with six little kids. . . as long as the phone doesn’t ring, nobody comes over, and I don’t have to leave the house. So basically, I’m living in an introvert paradise if the introvert really likes changing diapers, opening fruit snack packets, and being cried at.
#livingthedream
It’s not that I like doing laundry, it’s just that I prefer it to replicating the Island of Sodor out of train tracks for the 15th time.
#mommysbusy #momconfession
So now TWO of my kids have shaved patches into their head with my leg razor. I don’t recall any wisdom about this in the parenting books.
#needtowritemyown
If I were writing a piece for The Onion it would be titled, “Woman Breastfeeds in Local McDonald’s, Nobody Cares.” It would include insightful quotes like, “I was sure I would be ostracized or asked to leave, but pretty much nobody noticed and they left me in peace. It was a major disappointment. It’s hard to be a lactivist when people don’t acknowledge what you’re doing.”
#yourewelcomeOnion
When I tell people the baby’s name is Theodore, anybody under twenty and over 45 assumes we call him Teddy. Anyone from 21-44 assumes we call him Theo. I credit the Huxtables.
#generationCosby
Had a terrified moment where I thought I was stuck in my pants. Then I realized they had a button and a zipper. Apparently maternity pants, yoga pants and sweat pants gave me amnesia about jeans.
#fourthtrimesterproblems
I’ve heard breast milk called “Liquid Gold”. I’m pretty sure at this point it’s mostly “Liquid Snickers”.
#Halloweenleftovers
When Netflix asks me if I’m still watching a show, I feel kind of like its trying to shame me for not having more interesting things to do with my time.
Carolina (12 months) has figured out if she steals the pacifier from the baby while he’s in the swing, he will cry and I will pick him up. She then hops into the swing. We are raising an adorable evil genius.
Fastest way to wake a sleeping baby- lay him in his crib.
Finished my snack and looked down at the baby sleeping peacefully in my arms. He was covered in a fine layer of Doritos dust.
#keepinitclassy #momconfession
Carolina (12 months) says “Dada” and occasionally says “Josh”, “yes”, “Da” (for Danny), and “Amen”. I’m just hoping she gets around to “Mama” before she learns the dog’s name.
Dear One Direction,
Nobody can “steal” your girl and she does not “belong” to you. She is a person who can be with who she likes. Also, stop making questionable songs that are super catchy.
#toooldforpopmusic
And while we’re discussing things, One Direction- you will continue to exist and the sun will shine if you don’t have her. Get a grip. Have some self-respect.
#toooldforpopmusic
I get encouraged hearing we may be able to avoid most illnesses just through frequent hand washing. Then I remember almost no one in this family is capable of reaching the sink without assistance. . .
Step 1: See child with mystery object in their mouth.
Step 2: Make them spit it into your hand.
Step 3: Realize it was in fact food (likely floor Cheerios).
Step 4: Let them eat it back out of your hand.
#motherhood
Find a spider when your husband is home: Surprised scream, call for husband, run to other side of room, keep an eye on spider until husband locates and kills it.
Find a spider when it’s just you and the kids: Kill spider, tell the kids to stop making such a big deal about it because it’s just a spider.
#sorryfeminism
Danny told me he wants a Transformers birthday cake with Octopus Prime on top.
#soclose
Creative Kids = Messy House
Some days you’re the Tigger and some days you’re the Eeyore.
#ohbother
1) Kids cry for hot chocolate.
2) You make hot chocolate.
3) Kids cry because the hot chocolate is hot.
#motherhood
Daughter’s “Frozen” themed birthday party is having to be rescheduled because of the snow forecasted for tomorrow. Guess we should have seen that coming.
#letitgo