2015. A number that brings with it a lot of focus on other numbers that are important to us. This is a time we make resolutions to change the math of our lives. We use many numbers to determine how we feel about ourselves. How fast we run a mile (or 5), the amount in our bank account, how many ounces of breast milk we produce, how many hours we work in a week, our GPA (or the GPAs of our kids), the square footage of our house, our volunteer hours, the number of events we’re invited to, or the number of Bible verses we memorize can all be numbers we use to evaluate how much our lives matter. In a season of resolutions it can be easy to focus on changing our numbers with the conscious or subconscious belief that those numbers are what’s really important— that we ARE our numbers.
photo by Love Equals Photography
As a mom with a new baby, that number on the scale has become pretty important to me. It’s a temptation for me to see the numbers not as just an indicator of my current weight, but as a judgement on my work ethic or my discipline or my beauty. And then there’s the other scale. The scale at my pediatrician’s office that seems to indicate if I’m a good mom. Is my baby gaining weight like the doctor thinks he should? Am I somehow failing at motherhood if he doesn’t conform to the growth curve?
What about the social math of our lives? Do we judge our worth by our number of friends or the likes and shares of the things we put out for the world to see? Do I compulsively check to see if I am a person of value as reported by the circle of people I’ve chosen? The struggles for acceptance and approval we thought would disappear when we packed away our high school yearbooks have returned as we strive to find meaning in our lives by being important to the people we think are silently judging our success.
But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7
I am never just a compilation of my statistics. Changing the external math of my life rarely seems to change the person I am inside. And the process is never-ending. What starts as a desire to lose ten pounds turns into a quest for an unobtainable perfect body when I realize I don’t feel any better about myself when I’m ten pounds lighter. The desire to have more friends and be invited to more events is a monster I can’t control when I realize there will always be someone more popular or involved or loved than I am.
It’s good to be healthy and treat our bodies with respect. It’s good to have friends and be involved in a community we can serve and that blesses us, too. Being a wise steward of our money, our time, our talents is an important job we are given. But the moment they become an idol or the only way we define ourselves, we will be disappointed. Is it possible that instead of focusing on merely changing the outward appearance and trying to calculate our personal worth based on the math of our lives, we can make a resolution for a different kind of change? A heart change.
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