I have 6 kids. You do what works.

I have six children.

2 are biologically related to me. 4 were adopted.

2 were c-sections. 2 were vaginal births. 2 I don’t know how they were born.

2 were breastfed. 1 was breastfed and bottle-fed. 3 were bottle-fed.

2 co slept with me until they learned to sleep through the night. 2 naturally slept through the night on their own by 6 weeks. 2 needed some degree of sleep training.

2 had great prenatal care. 1 had some prenatal care. 2 had no prenatal care. 1 I don’t know how much prenatal care happened.

I have kids who are most response to time-outs (or time-ins, as we mostly do), kids who are most responsive to loss of privileges, kids who are most responsive to a physical consequence and kids who just need a stern look.

I have 4 kids who are on the bottom of the growth charts and 2 kids who are in the upper percentiles.

I have 3 kids who were vaccinated in the hospital shortly after they were born and 3 kids who had delayed vaccinations to some degree.

I have 3 kids who loved being worn in a baby carrier. I have 2 kids who did not like being worn. I have 1 kid who has yet to make up his mind about that.

I have 2 kids who only took a pacifier. I have 1 kid who only sucked his fingers. I have 1 kid who did both. I have 2 kids who wouldn’t suck a pacifier or their fingers, but used stuffed animals to help them sooth.

I have kids who naturally love academics and kids who struggle. Kids who are musically gifted and kids who are tone-deaf. Kids who are athletic and kids who are uncoordinated. Kids who are loud, kids who are emotional, kids who are compassionate, kids who are energetic, kids who are spiritually sensitive. And I love them all equally.

My kids are all very different, but they have one thing in common. Me. The Mom.

I get a little irritable when I hear someone touting a particular parenting philosophy as the best or only option of reasonable people (or godly people or loving people, etc.). Because it worked for their children, they assume it will work for all children. Raising kids of different ethnicities with different histories, I have seen that what they need is unique except for one thing.

They need love.

They need love expressed in the unique ways they crave it. Motherhood is a constant adventure in learning how my children hear love, feel love, express love. And I don’t just mean the Snuggled Under the Covers Reading “Goodnight Moon” love. That’s the fun stuff. I mean the I Can Not Let You Get Away With That love, too. I have not changed my children with a parenting philosophy, I have been shaped and have changed my parenting philosophy by engaging with these children. I don’t do it perfectly. I often respond with my natural instincts, which aren’t always correct for each child. (I wish people would stop telling moms to always trust their instincts. Sometimes my instincts are terrible and somehow putting all the pressure on them makes me more nervous than reassured.) My preconceived ideas about what works for ALL children and what should make ALL families happy and what ALL moms will enjoy have pretty well gone down the drain along with that tube of lipstick my child flushed.

Having six very diverse children has made me a more flexible mom, but also a much less judgmental mom. I am not in your house seeing what works for your kids. I am not in your soul feeling how it is drained or inspired by the interactions you have with your children. I know that we are individuals and we raise individual kids. If you come to me for advice on a parenting issue, I’m probably going to have something to offer you because I’ve done things so many different ways and I’ve seen lots of things that work and don’t work. But if you don’t take the advice I offer, I’m not offended. You have to find what works for you. Are you doing it in love? Go forth, Good Sister. I have found that in the Mommy Wars, I am a pacifist. When you have a lot of little kids, you don’t have time for much else.