Hey Summer Moms

Don’t laugh at me homeschooling moms, but I literally woke up in the night five different times with the anxiety of facing all six of my kids home with me for the next couple months. Ah, Summer. I love the thought of us all being together. I love the change in the routine. I love not having to be up at a certain time or having to remember to pack the lunches or trying to figure out if it’s library day (WHERE ARE THE BOOKS?!) or P.E. day (WHERE ARE THE SNEAKERS?!). Summer is all kinds of wonderful. . . and also super stressful. So here’s what I’m reminding myself today:

Hey Summer Moms,

If you’re feeling panicked right now, just know you’re not alone. Yes, you love your children and you enjoy being with them. Feeling anxiety about summer doesn’t mean you’re not a good mom. The problem is that your children love structure and knowing what to expect each day and now you have entered the land of CRAZY SUMMER FREE-FOR-ALL. But you can do it! Go ahead and make a schedule for how your days are going to go and post it on the fridge. Ask your kids to make a summer bucket list and cross things off as you do them. ENFORCE A QUIET TIME, FOR THE LOVE. This year I think I’m even going to plan a weekly breakfast and lunch menu (I always have a dinner menu) to head off the questions about what we’re eating each day.

But as much as the work of adding structure to the seemingly endless days of summer may be stressful, that isn’t what really bothers me.

It’s the sound of my own voice.

Photo by Rebecca Tredway Photography

During the school year a couple of my (high maintenance) kids are gone for a couple hours each day, five days a week. That means for a couple hours I am not using the stern voice. I am not saying, “That is unacceptable in this house.”, “If you get it out, please PUT IT BACK.”, “We don’t use that whiney voice.”, “FIVE MORE MINUTES.”, or “I didn’t ask if you liked it.” I have three kids who are not in school at all yet, so it’s not like I’m sitting around sipping lemonade on my porch swing through the school year. But the kinds of issues that come up with babies are different than the problems I need to deal with when it’s my school aged kids. The kinds of boundaries my older kids need are different. It requires a lot more thinking on my feet and a willingness to not wimp out when I have to reinforce what I’ve said.

It’s exhausting.

But it’s not bad.

I can start to feel like a jerk when the carefree summer I’m picturing in my mind becomes me just grumpily stomping around the house after the eighth time the toddler cried because the big kids are leaving him out of something. I’m irritated at the sound of my own voice having to explain again for the MILLIONTH time why SHOES DON’T GO RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR. I have to retrain my brain about all this. I am no longer the Let’s Do Our Homework And Then Have Fun Mom. I am now the We Have All Got To Figure Out How To Get Along Mom. And she’s on duty 24/7.

When my kids aren’t home, they also aren’t making a mess in the house. When my kids aren’t home they also aren’t being loud and waking up the napping babies. When my kids aren’t home, I can sometimes make a phone call. When my kids aren’t home I can eat lunch without interruption (as long as I’m willing to wait until afternoon nap time). But there’s so much I miss.

Summer is a time to reinvest in those training issues only a mom can address. It’s a time to remind them how to be kind toward younger siblings, how to help around the house, and how to cure their own boredom. It’s a time where I can let them stay up late and eat popsicles in the middle of the day and laugh together and do the 300 piece puzzles we usually don’t have time for.

So Summer Moms, it’s okay if you’re feeling frustrated when things are getting crazy and stressful. We’re all adjusting to being back in the same space. If you feel like you’re constantly having to correct your kids or use the Stern Mom Voice, that doesn’t mean you’re doing any(sorry, I literally had to get up and go deal with a fight between two kids)thing wrong. Take deep breaths. Give yourself a break and eat a spoonful of peanut butter with chocolate chips in the bathroom. Take time to laugh with your kids in the midst of it. Being the Tough Mom is the hard work of parenting. And moms don’t get a summer break.