Be part of the conversation as it happens on Facebook or Twitter.
If you are trying to eat a sneaky treat without your kids catching you, a powdered sugar donut may not be a good idea.
#protip #whatsonyourfaceMom
I’m watching Daniel Tiger sing “Grownups Come Back” with a kid who knows that sometimes they don’t. This adoption stuff can be heavy, but building trust with my kids and being loved by and loving them has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
Bethany (5): Joel, did you know Jesus is God? He IS! And there is only one God and Jesus came down to earth. Like a ghost! But he is NOT a ghost. Did you know that, Joel? Jesus is NOT A GHOST.
#preschooltheologian
(We have had a digestive illness over here)
Child: I pooped, Mom.
Me: You did? How was it?
Child: . . . Brown?
#askasillyquestion #tmi
Me: I’d like to go back to Niagara Falls some day.
Josh (8): You want to go to Canada?
Me: How did you know Niagara Falls is in Canada?
Josh: Your man is smart.
#lovehim
(Watching the new Star Wars Trailer)
Han Solo: Chewie, we’re home.
Josh (8): Did he just say “Chewie, we’re old?”
#letthewookiewin
Child: Mom, the bathroom smells really bad.
Me: Oh yeah? Did you flush?
Child: Oh. . .
1) Find ants in the house
2) Read about how to get rid of ants
3)”First, get rid of all crumbs in the house.”
4) Decide it may be easier to just move
I was at Target trying to find something to hang on the wall and all I could find were signs that said, “Love is happiness”, “Follow your dream”, “Dream until your dream comes true” and “Do what makes you happy.” Not my life philosophy. I’m thinking of having the inspirational quote from The Princess Bride painted on the wall: “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”
#realist #diapersdontmakemehappy #stillhavetochangethem #lovemylife
If the teacher doesn’t write something nice on your paper, just write it yourself.
#Joshphilosophy
(Josh was doing a magic act for his siblings. Danny got bored and left.)
Me: It’s time to go to bed, guys.
Josh (8): But Mom, Danny hasn’t even done his part of the show yet!
Me: Josh, Danny disappeared like five minutes ago and you didn’t even notice.
Bethany (5): (GASP!) MAGIC!
#loveher
Joel (3): Mom. . . me and the toilet. . . um. . . the toilet didn’t win.
#dontwanttoknow #cantbegood
(I spilled my coffee on the kitchen counter)
Bethany (5): Oh Mom! It’s okay. You can get some more. Can’t you, Mom? You can get some more. It will be okay.
#shegetsme
Me: Josh, what do you want for dinner?
Josh (8): Um, stroga. . . stroga. . . stroganaut?
Maybe that’s what they call stroganoff in space.
It’s not that I don’t think women are capable of rolling the trashcan to the curb, it’s just that when I do it it’s while balancing a fussy baby on my hip, a dog running between my legs, two toddlers crying at the window and a preschooler yelling out the door how I’m not doing it like Daddy does.
#dadchores #entertainingtheneighbors
I spent a panicked moment circling the van to locate the toddler I knew I had just unbuckled. Then I realized I was holding her.
#momconfession
“Hey, that hamper is only big enough for one person at a time!”
#thingsmomssay
(Kids were arguing about who was the best at something)
Me: Listen, we all have things we’re good at and things we stink at. Like I stink at drawing.
Danny (6): I’m good at drawing. Josh stinks at poop. His poop is the stinkiest in the whole house.
Josh (8): Yeah, but I’m the best at drawing poop. You guys wait here, I’m going to draw some poop and I’ll show you.
Me: Um, I think you missed my point, which was. . . never mind. Just stop drawing poop.
#whydoIbother
I know none of the rest of the words to Kool & The Gang’s song “Jungle Boogie” but I can’t count the number of times I have sung the opening lines to a toddler who has climbed up somewhere they shouldn’t.
#getdowngetdown
Sign you have a large family: The 18 month-old tries to solve disputes by doing Rock, Paper, Scissors. (Spoiler Alert: She can only make a rock.)
#largefamilylogistics
Is the #Iwokeuplikethis thing over yet? I think it was supposed to make us feel better about our natural beauty, but it just made me feel like a slob for waking up with wild bedhead, mismatched pajamas, and a kid’s foot in my face.
The Baby is sleeping in his own crib in his room for the first time. It has taken me almost seven months to let him just go down the hall. I’m getting soft in my old age.
#TheBabyofthefamily
I’m thinking it may cut out the middle man if instead of feeding the baby bananas, I just mash up some banana along with some curdled milk and then rub it into my shirt sleeve and drop it around the house over the course of the next hour.
#simplify #spitup
Things my three year-old said (LOUDLY) while “helping” me try on swimsuits:
-What you doing with your pants? You gonna poop in here, Mom?
-That’s not fitting all of you in there.
-Oh, it does fit! It’s just. . . it’s not right, Mom.
-That’s funny. You gonna wear that outside?
-Mom. It’s. Bad.
#nothelpful
(Danny came in the house sobbing)
Me: What’s the matter?
Danny: Joshie (unintelligible cry talking).
Me: What? I can’t understand you.
D: JOSHIE (more unintelligible cry talking).
Me: I’m sorry, Josh did what?
D: Joshie called me a CRY BABY! (more wailing)
#makessense
Getting ready to do a radio interview about how every mother is also a daughter and how our relationship with our mom impacts our parenting. So, you know, no pressure. . .
#momguilt #daughterguilt #ALLTHEGUILT
I’ve been having some potty conversations with my 18 month-old over the last couple weeks. When I change her poopy diaper I say, “Poop goes in. . . THE POTTY!” in the same singsongy voice each time. Today she walked passed me and I got a whiff of something unpleasant. I said, “Poop goes in. . . ” and she shamefully pointed to her pants.
#shegetsit #sortof
Me: Look at that goose!
Bethany (5): It’s called a geese, Mom.
Me: When it’s just one it’s called a goose. Just like if you have one mouse it’s just a mouse, but if you have a lot of them they’re called. . .
B: MOUSEKETEERS!
#soclose
As soon as Bethany composed herself after getting her Kindergarten shots she looked at me and said, “Don’t tell the brothers I cried.” I love her.
#toughcookie
Note to self: Thinking, “I’m going to take some medicine before this headache gets too bad.” is not the same thing as actually taking the medicine.
#forgetful #regretful
Baby rolls over and smacks his head into all the hanging toys on his play mat.
#tallbabyproblems
Joel (3): (crying) She’s making a sound and I don’t like it!
Me: She is? I can’t even hear it.
Bethany (5): I’m making it in my head.
J: AND I DON’T LIKE IT.
#cantwin #littlebrotherproblems
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