“The system is too broken” is not a good excuse

When I talk to people about foster care I get a lot of responses. People are always telling me why they could never invest themselves in these kids. There is the standard “I’d get too attached” response that while it frustrates me (Of course you would! That’s the point. These kids need people to attach to them.), I think I get most baffled by people who shrug and say they’d love to do something but “the system is just too broken.” Maybe they follow this up with an anecdotal story about a friend’s cousin who had a foster child that went back to an unsafe biological family member or they speak disparagingly of caseworkers and judges who are overburdened and just don’t care. So why get involved if the system is so broken kids aren’t getting the help they need?

Here’s my easy answer:  BECAUSE THE SYSTEM IS SO BROKEN THAT KIDS AREN’T GETTING THE HELP THEY NEED.

I have seen unmotivated caseworkers who don’t seem to understand that a year in the life of an infant is their actual whole life. We can’t just ask these little ones to wait to attach and love and have stability until we decide on their permanency path. I’ve seen cases that defy all logic and reason– children who haven’t seen their biological parents in years, but the court still holds out hope that they will reappear so they are stuck in legal limbo. I’ve known about visits where domestic violence is actually happening during the supervised visitation the parents have with the child. Parents who test positive for meth are allowed to continue that day’s visit with their child. Being in jail is considered an adequate excuse for missing visits and may not be held against the parent. A child’s attorney never actually attempts to meet with the child. Laws are enacted that keep kids stuck in a system that doesn’t value their need for permanency in a timely fashion. Foster parents see their kids as a good deed to perform or as an annoyance or a paycheck.

Yes. The system can be broken. But why is that an excuse to not do something about it?

If you’re disgusted that some foster parents seem to be “in it for the money”, then it’s time for you to become the kind of foster parent who is motivated by love for a child and their family. If you’re frustrated that caseworkers don’t seem to care about the kids on their caseload, then become a foster parent who can be an encouragement to a discouraged and frustrated caseworker. If you’re upset that judges don’t take into account the best interests of a child, then become a foster parent that brings the child to court so the judge sees their face and knows she’s making decisions about real people.

We need foster parents that see a broken system and start thinking of solutions. Foster parenting is ultimately an act of diplomacy as you do your best to get a team of people working towards the same goal– whatever is best for this child. Foster parents have no rights, but we have influence when we use our voices to advocate in peaceful and positive ways. It would be easy to just get angry at how much we invest and how little input we may have, but this isn’t a situation where you can take your ball and go home. These kids are worth more than that.

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