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Joel: Can I go to camp?
Me: Nope. They don’t have camp for three year-olds.
Joel: Just for big year-olds?
Me:. . . yes.
Bethany (5): Mom, I made a friend at camp and she’s Mexican.
Me: That’s great! How do you know she’s Mexican?
B: On the first day I yelled, “I’m a Mexican” and she said she was, too.
#pride
Bethany (5): Mom, can we watch MacGyver today? Remember? MacGyver? You wanted to MARRY him?
We all did, Honey. We all did. . .
#thathairdontcare
Josh (8): Mom, my LIT at camp was black like me! And he was adopted, too. He had that hair like I want. You know- an alfredo.
#afro #soclose
There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who leave perfect parallel vacuum marks in the carpet and uncivilized heathens.
#vacuumguilt #mennoniteproblems
Bethany (5): Mom, this looked totally disgusting, but it tasteses wonderful! You’re a great cooker, Mom.
#kidcompliments #takewhatyoucanget
It’s almost the end of summer and I think I’ve finally got the last of the school playground sand out of my house.
Danny has been begging for a snake or lizard. No thank you. He is willing to offer me a compromise: chickens. I feel my resolve weakening. I fear this may have been his plot all along- ask for the snake to make me feel guilty enough to say yes to the chicken compromise.
#evilgenius
After watching “Ant Man” last night, squishing an ant on the kitchen counter today seemed slightly more sinister.
Well, we finished the summer reading program and only owe the library $4.90 in fines.
#nailedit
Danny (6): Mom, can we go to that fair? I’ve been waiting all year.
Me: The county fair? With the rides? It’s coming up soon!
Danny: Mom. No. The one with the books. The book fair?
#librarybooksale #mommyslittleresearcher
Amount of time 5 year-old spends picking a movie > amount of time a 5 year-old spends watching a movie
#mommath
The dryer isn’t working, so I have all our clothes out on the back deck for the neighbors to see.
#keepinitclassy
The exciting part of waking up to a morning thunderstorm is remembering all your laundry is outside. . .
#pajamapanic
Idea for a decorative sign for our living room: “All because two people fell in love. And got background checked and a home study.”
“Mom, I wish you could have a penis, too. They’re really great.”
#momofboys
I find I get a better response to Leftover Night when I call it Buffet Night.
#protip #toohottocook
Because sometimes “flesh colored” just. . . isn’t. . .
When the toddler wants a snack she pulls up her shirt, points to her belly and cries.
#thingstofixbeforeKindergarten
The three year-old has figured out the fastest way to get me to come to him- stick his hand out the front door and ring the doorbell.
#resourceful #middlechild
Joel (3): MOM! Josh hurt my feelings! Will you kiss them?
Me: Ummmmmm, sure?
#wherearefeelings #mom problems
Me: Oh Joel, what am I going to do? You keep getting so big and grown up.
Joel (3): It’s okay, Mom. After I’m done growing up, I’ll just go back to a baby.
#lovehim