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We have an awesome puzzle that makes a train sound when you put the last piece in. . . or if you lose the last piece then it makes a loud train sound every time you turn off the light at bedtime, which is slightly less awesome.
My daughter is debating husband options- Optimus Prime or Batman.
#priorities #littlesister #bigbrothers
I can’t say I intended to launder a log of human poop today, but I also can’t say I’m entirely surprised.
#motherhood
The front door to our house has grape jelly all over it. Seems about right.
#kids #summer #whydoIbother
While I’m aware eating something sugary won’t actually cure a headache, falsely believing that it will does make being a migraine sufferer slightly more pleasant.
Me: Why are you crying, Buddy?
Joel (3): I want a peach! (sob)
Me: Maybe later we-
J: I don’t want to DIE! (more sobbing)
Me: Oh Sweetie, some day we all-
J: I don’t want MY BOOTY TO BREAK! (epic meltdown)
Me: Ummmmmm . . .
#themindofatoddler
Sign you are not a great housekeeper- you spend half your housecleaning time trying to find the vacuum and mop.
#wheredidIputthem #toolongbetweencleanings
While the husband is away, the wife will play. . . and by “play” I mean “organize the board game cabinet.” I feel I may need a better definition of “play.”
The amount of time I spend cleaning up board games > the amount of time the children spend playing board games
#mommath
Sometimes it’s hard to explain to your spouse who works outside the home how something that was obviously a terrible/dangerous/expensivetofix idea did actually seem like a good idea at the time because the kids were playing quietly and getting along while they were doing it for FIVE WHOLE MINUTES.
5 year-old daughter still calls me “Mama” while my 19 month-old daughter calls me “MOM!” like an angsty teenager. Girls.
Natural Consequences- the child who spilled your coffee all over the kitchen floor will now have to be parented by a mother who hasn’t had her coffee.
“Hey, FIRST take your pajamas off THEN you can have some time to dance.” Sometimes motivating your child to get dressed in the morning sounds a little dicey. . .
Me: Guys, I think the last baby bird in the nest has died. It hasn’t moved in a long time.
Danny (6): Why did it die? Maybe it was born too early and it couldn’t breathe.
#assumptionsofapreemie
My daughter just rolled her eyes because I thought Iron Man was part of the Justice League.
#littlesisterwithbigbrothers
(Leaving Old Navy)
Bethany (5): Mom, I need to go say goodbye to those people. (points to the mannequins)
Me: Oh, sure.
B: Bye! See you later, guys! YOU’RE ALL DEAD.
Me: Ummmmmmmm. . . .Okay.
Bethany (5): Mom, I know all about how Christ died on the cross for my sins.
Me: I’m so glad you know about that. Did you know there are people in other parts of the world who have never heard about Jesus?
Bethany: Oh, that’s just awful. Awful waffle. Awful waffle toffle. Is toffle a word?
#subjectchanger #worldchanger
Toddler is crying because she has four shoes she wants to wear and only two feet.
#momscantfixeverything
(in a crowded toy aisle at Target)
Bethany (5): MOM! Look! There’s Optimus Prime! Remember how you wanted to MARRY HIM?
#thatwas30yearsago #whatsnottolove
Bethany (5): I love Teddy. He’s so sweet. What are we going to rename him when he gets bigger?
#adoptionassumptions
(waving goodbye to the babysitter)
Joel (3): See you next time! See you next time on GOOD EATS!
#futurechef
I was positive my daughter told me she was playing a super fun pretend game where it was Hot Girl’s birthday and she was having a party. After further clarification, turns out she was saying “Hawkgirl” from Justice League. Crisis averted.
Josh (8): Mom, I want to watch Scooby Doo, but I think it’s too scary for Danny.
Danny (6): You watch it. I’ll be an ostrich. (shoves head between couch cushions)
#problemsolver
The boys like to dress in matching outfits and then I pretend I can’t tell them apart.
#transracialfamilyjokes
In need of a quick pick-me-up? Watch a three year-old unsuccessfully attempt to take off their own button-up shirt. Spoiler alert: A summersault may be involved.
#toddlerskillz
Sadness = seeing a fire truck and not having a kid in the car with you to appreciate it.