When I first read about the concept of “self-care” it seemed entirely overwhelming to me. There was a description about why it was important and then a list of possible self-care activities. As a rule-follower, I looked at that list and instead of it looking like a bunch of life-giving suggestions about how to invest in myself, it looked like one more to-do list when I already felt overwhelmed. Okay, I’m supposed to be feeding my kids, doing the laundry, keeping the house clean, investing in my marriage, staying up on current events, be involved with my church and now also perform all these self-care tasks? Run a marathon? Get a pedicure? Take a cooking class? None of this sounded good to me, but I felt like this was now what I had to do if I was going to check off the self-care box on my list of Things Good People Do.
Photo by Rebecca Tredway Photography: “Reading a book for fun is a special pleasure. Not only does it feed my mind and rest my spirit, but it also models the love of reading for my child. Win-win.”
It took some time and introspection (two things I don’t have much of on a regular basis) to figure out that wasn’t at all how I was supposed to be thinking of self-care. I decided to think about the things I was already doing and enjoyed, that felt rejuvenating and fun and ask myself some questions:
What is it about this activity that I enjoy?
What need is this meeting for me?
How is this helping me treat myself with kindness?
This helped me prioritize some activities I was already involved in so I could be sure I was carving out time to make them happen regularly. I’m going to share what some of those activities are here, but my goal is not that you would adopt MY form of self-care, but that it would help you think about what might be good for YOU. Hopefully this list will help you think about what you might already be doing that you could start to think about not as a guilty pleasure, but as actual self-care.
Refit– I am uncoordinated and have never been one for regular exercise, but somehow Refit won me over. It took me a couple months of going before I was able to identify why Refit is so healing for me. It’s because I can’t think about anything else while I’m doing it. I am a major multitasker. My brain often feels like it’s on overdrive trying to problem solve just my daily life. But from the moment the music starts until the moment it stops, Refit requires my entire brain to just focus on what my body is doing. This is physically exhausting, but is a mental challenge unlike anything in my normal life. I am genuinely terrible at Refit, but because it gives my mind a break from the hamster wheel of motherhood, it has been so good for me. And that’s not even addressing the physical benefits of exercise. This is a win. And for some reason, that time to connect with my body also allows an emotional response from me that my brain keeps pretty well guarded during my everyday activities. There may be sadness or joy that bubbles to the surface during that hour, but I don’t have the mental power to question it or reason it away, so I just experience it. That is a good thing for me and I do it weekly.
Stitch Fix– I had friends that were raving about this service where you send in your measurements, preference, and some style suggestions and get a box of clothes in the mail. It sounded kind of odd to me, but I decided to try it with my friends. We each ordered a box, then tried stuff on for each other. . . and there was also food and lots of laughing, because that is what friends do. The stylist that picks the clothes out for you sends a little note with the box to explain why she chose what she did and she gives some styling suggestions (what kind of shoes or purse to wear with it, etc.). I’m not sure I can fully explain my emotional response to this or WHY I even had an emotional response to this, I will just tell you that it moved me. Some woman– a stranger– thought I would look beautiful in this polka dot blouse. She wanted me to wear it with these cute black jeans for date night. She said she had fun picking out things that would make me the cute mom at the park this summer. As I write these things out, they seem simple enough, but the act of some other woman expressing interest in me, in helping me be pretty, in understanding my life and the clothing needs that come along with it. . . it did something emotional to me. That emotional response was only reinforced by my sweet friends that affirmed the cute things and told me we could find something better when things weren’t quite a fit. I also loved being able to build into my friends by supporting them and enjoying their company when they tried their own stuff on. While this is an activity that may seem pretty shallow (it IS just buying clothes), I have learned to acknowledge the emotional response as an indicator that this is something important for me. Because Stitch Fix clothes can be a little pricier than what I would normally buy, this isn’t something I’m doing monthly (maybe once every three months) and it requires some intentional budgeting and planning, but it has been worth it. (If you’re interested in trying Stitch Fix, this is a referral link that will reward me for sending you to them. If you do that, please accept my virtual hug as thanks. Bless you.)
Good food– As a mom, it is a reality of my life that I often survive on coffee and PB&J crusts. I do the grocery shopping, make meals, cut food into toddler-sized bites, pack lunches, clean up food messes– SO much of my life is about food, but so little of it is food I’m actually excited about eating. An important act of self-care for me has been to find food I want to eat and eat it in peace. That might look like a date night dinner with my husband, it might be a late night snack out with friends, or it might be a special treat I make just for myself after the kids are in bed. The point for me has been to think about what I’m eating and enjoy the experience of taste. This is something I do at least once a week.
Netflix, Reading, Baths, Puzzles, Walking– These are five ways I turn off the outside world for a few minutes (who am I kidding? maybe more like an hour or more) and recharge. As I’ve stressed before, the important element is that while I’m doing these activities I am being kind to myself. I am not feeling guilty, I’m not saying I don’t deserve this, I’m not going through my mental checklist of things I should be doing instead. These are ways to engage a different part of my brain than I use during my normal parenting tasks or to intentionally shut down the overworked parts of my brain. This is a good time for me to pray. These activities are also ways to let my introvert self reboot after a lot of time with people. The self-care activities I listed previously are ones I do with other people, but these five things are activities I can do alone and feel energized or wonderfully relaxed afterwards. I have had to learn that I need a balance of both types of activities (introvert oriented and extrovert oriented) or at least access to whichever type I need to balance out the activities of my day or week. Busy week with people = introvert self-care activities. Quiet week at home = extrovert self-care activities.
So what’s on your list? What is it that fills you up, connects you to your own emotions, and allows you to be kind to yourself? How do you make sure you’re scheduling time for that? I’d love to hear other suggestions from those of you who have been down the self-care road ahead of me.
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