A Life in Status- November #1, 2015

It’s okay to laugh. I’m used to it. Come join the fun as it happens on Facebook or Twitter.

Joel (3) at church this morning: Mom! I see the T! You know! The cross. How Jesus died for his cross. Did he die here?
Me: Oh no, it was a long time ago and it wasn’t here.
Joel: And now he’s with God? And I’ll go be with God and Jesus because Jesus died for his cross? I’ll be with God and Jesus when I’m done.
‪#‎preschooltheology‬

It is especially challenging and weird to play Hangman with someone who is a bad speller and loves bathroom words.
‪#‎steenky‬ ‪#‎churchsurvivalstrategies‬ ‪#‎whateverkeepsthemquiet‬

My toddler asked for “lotion” on her toast. (butter)
‪#‎transracialfamily‬ ‪#‎somuchlotion‬

Sitting down to write a post about why moms should be talking to their sons about porn after having the appropriateness of that questioned by several men. I’m not sure if I should write a nice, logical list of reasons why it’s an important conversation for moms or just start yelling about how THIS IS NOT JUST SOME “MAN ISSUE”. IT HARMS WOMEN AND WE HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO TALK ABOUT IT. GET ON BOARD OR GET OUT OF THE WAY.
‪#‎endrant‬

Working from home- it’s exactly like working from an office if at your office people wipe their nose on your pants, expect you to fix them snacks, and ask you to watch them poop.

Me: I tried to call Grandma, but she’s not home.
Joel (3): She’s probably at the grocery store. Can we just call over there? You know that number, Mom?
‪#‎probablyright‬ ‪#‎grandmasboy‬

Thoughts from someone who has raised a lot of teenagers: When parenting a toddler, say “yes” as much as you can and selectively pick your battles. When you have picked a battle, YOU MUST SEE IT THROUGH. I like to believe that every 1 toddler tantrum correctly handled saves you 5 door slams and 3 dramatic eye rolls in the teen years. Or something like that.

I got a tiny bleach spot on my black pants. Nothing a little Sharpie can’t fix.
‪#‎classy‬

Found out the Kindergartener told her class we let her big brother (age 9) drink wine. Apparently she didn’t know SPARKLING GRAPE JUICE ISN’T WINE. So I think I’ll be making a call to the Kindergarten teacher this week.
‪#‎redribbonweek‬

Pediatrician: You’re my most interesting case of the day!
‪#‎parentinggoals‬ ‪#‎nailedit‬

Josh (9): I think I’ll have three kids when I grow up. And maybe adopt from Liberia.
Me: Do you think you’ll want to be a foster parent?
J: Well yeah, but that’s kind of up to my wife too, Mom.
‪#‎smartkid‬

I like Adele’s new song, but when it gets stuck in my head it invariably becomes Lionel Richie’s “Hello” at some point. Just me?

Me: So, any ideas about what you’d like for your birthday?
Bethany (6). Mom. ANYTHING.
‪#‎easytoplease‬ ‪#‎middlechild‬ ‪#‎loveher‬

My daughter got a plush Batman for her birthday. So basically her whole life is complete now.

(a child had some questions about rape)
“Mom, I saw that. On a movie. Well, he was trying to do that.”
“What are you talking about? What movie?”
“Back to the Future. It was Biff. He was trying to do that to Marty’s mom.”
“Oooooooh. Right. And what did Marty’s dad do?”
“He punched him IN THE FACE.”
“So who would do you think you would be in that situation? Biff or Marty’s dad?”
“Marty’s dad!”
‪#‎dontbeabiff‬

I spent a long time crafting a response to a guy who commented on my blog about how wonderful porn is. I kind of wanted to complain about how that’s a waste of my time and not dignify it with a response. . . but who am I kidding?
‪#‎comeatmebro‬

When I serve a dessert that I baked to my children, I also like to make a fun game out of it. The game is called “Find the Eggshell.”
‪#‎badatbaking‬

When you hand your baby something to play with and think, “There’s no possible way this could cause a problem.” that’s the exact moment they shove it up their nose until it bleeds.
‪#‎parentingfail‬

Three year-old is crying because his bed wasn’t made before he got in it.
‪#‎mennonitetoddlerproblems‬

Brian: You about done for the night?
Me: Yeah, just got to finish arguing with some random guy on the internet about porn.
‪#‎awkward‬

Bethany (6): Ellie was my best friend at school, but then she passed away.
Me: WHAT? When? What are you talking about?
Bethany: You know- she PASSED AWAY. To another SCHOOL. Why does everybody get worried when I say that? She didn’t die or anything.
‪#‎communicatingwithkids‬

Bethany wants her guests to have china tea cups, but she doesn’t really like tea. So we will be serving root beer in them.
‪#‎thatsmygirl‬