I was honored to speak at my friend Shelli’s funeral this last Wednesday. Her death was unexpected, although she’s had physical challenges for a long time. The pastor who performed the funeral had people who knew Shelli from different activities she was involved in come and speak about her character and dedication to the things she was passionate about. I got to talk about her involvement with foster families through her 20 years of work in child welfare. I wanted to share with you all what I was able to share at her funeral. I think there’s something beautiful about hearing the meaningful accomplishments of someone’s life and the way it can challenge you to live each day with purpose. Shelli was an inspiring person to know and I hope you feel that as you read about her life. I will miss her greatly.
(Kids playing in the church lobby and looking at pictures of Shelli while her funeral was happening in the sanctuary. It felt like a fitting tribute to a woman who devoted her life to these kids.)
For Shelli
8 years ago Brian and I met Shelli when she was the trainer in our foster parent class. We were impressed with her knowledge, experience and dedication to the challenging world of child welfare. She was honest, even when she knew the truth might scare potential foster parents away. She only wanted to work with people who were tough enough for this and when she knew you were up for the challenge, she would support you with all the fight she had in her.
And Shelli was a fighter. She had a sweet demeanor so her toughness sometimes caught you off guard. She fought for her kids and was always a diplomat. She built connections with so many people and she knew just how to use those connections to advocate for her kids. When we’d show up at court, she’d talk to every single person in the waiting area. Everybody knew Shelli and respected her.
I always appreciated that Shelli wasn’t afraid to tell me the truth. She would tell me when it was time to push for what we knew was right for our foster child. And she would tell me when I needed to back off, even if she knew I wouldn’t like that answer. She had a sense about how things were going to play out and we all benefitted from the hard-earned wisdom she gained from years of learning our local judges, attorneys and caseworkers.
When the rest of the world wanted to make us feel like saints, Shelli reminded us that WE were always the blessed ones to get to work with these kids. When the rest of the world wanted to make us feel unimportant or unnecessary, Shelli reminded us of the good and important work we were doing. It always blessed me to see her interact with my children, especially the foster kids. She treated her kids with respect- taking time to look them in the eyes, ask them questions, and listen to them, whatever they wanted to say. She was a welcome guest in the homes of so many families for team meetings and sometimes just for brownies in the evening so we could debrief about the kids and pray. And sometimes it was a family affair for her too when her dedicated mom would drive her to meetings and then wait in the car so Shelli could do the work she was so passionate about.
She loved her work and she devoted herself tirelessly to her families. One time we had an issue with a visitation worker and I called Shelli on a Saturday. I came to find out later that she had left a Nebraska volleyball game to handle our problem, and if you know Shelli you know what a big deal that was for her to do. There was never a time it was too late to call, a problem too small for her to want to know about, an update she didn’t want to hear. She rejoiced over the progress of our children as though they were her own and in some ways they were.
These kids are her legacy. Shelli was a living example of the importance of the full Body of Christ in the challenging work of foster care. We could do the actual work of caring for the children, but we desperately needed Shelli in order to do our job to the best of our ability. Her advocacy and diplomacy made life easier and better for the children in her care and she knew that. She didn’t give up, she was willing to be the bad guy so foster parents didn’t have to be and she always kept the best interests of the child as her priority. She was extremely serious about her work and she always had an opinion she was happy to share if you asked her.
As she transitioned out of direct work with foster families, they were never far from her mind. She was passionate about getting foster parent input through facilitating a focus group and she and I worked for years on creating a foster parent training and support program. Just last night we had the last meeting Shelli and I coordinated and her absence was keenly felt. It becomes so much more obvious how much Shelli did when she’s no longer there to do it. Things like remembering to brings forks, napkins and water bottles just fell through the cracks because Shelli made those things happen without any of the rest of us even thinking about it. She was the glue that held things together, the one behind the scenes greasing the wheels and fighting for what she believed would help the families she loved.
Shelli was my mentor. She was an advocate for my children and a defender of my family. She was my coworker and through it all she was my friend. I will miss her laugh, her wisdom, and our regular messages back and forth to chat about foster care or just life. I’m glad I had lots of chances to thank her for her important role in the life of my family. We knew how good she was at her job and I loved that she knew it, too. She took such pride in her work and it was inspiring to work with her. Her absence will be greatly felt by so many of us, but I know as she ceases to be a part of our daily life, she will become something of a legend to these children. She is forever part of their story and we will speak of her often and with love.