Potty-Training Survival Strategies for Moms

I have officially begun potty-training my sixth child. I’m not sure if I should laugh or cry about that, but it is my life so I’ll probably do a little of both. I have done all of this potty-training over the course of just about eight years, so I’ve had lots of chances to figure out what works for me and what doesn’t. I’m not interested in telling you how to potty-train your child right now. There are lots of other places to go for that info (including my thoughts here and here) and the more kids I have worked with, the more I realize we all tend to define potty-training “success” differently and have different priorities. So I’m not going to tell you HOW to potty-train, just how to SURVIVE potty-training. These are survival strategies for moms.

Rebecca Tredway Photography

When you decide the time is right to start potty-training, clear your calendar. Just decide that for the next week you are going to get nothing accomplished. Having low expectations makes life easier on you (in case you were wondering, this is my life mantra). Pull out the frozen pizzas, skip out on that volunteering you had planned, cancel your lunch plans, shower after the kids are in bed. If you have NOTHING planned, you are going to be less frustrated than if you’re trying to multitask and end up with wet carpet. I mean, you’re going to have wet carpet no matter what, but if you’re ALSO trying to get stuff done, you’re going to be more mad about it. Today’s major failure (I mean, “learning experience”) came when I foolishly tried to put a load of wash in the dryer. Silly me.

Now that you’ve cleared your calendar, be sure you have rewards on hand. Not for the child, but for you. You know to reward the child when they go on the potty or keep their pants dry (or even just walk in the general direction of the bathroom. . . ), but you need to reward yourself for keeping your cool when things get frustrating. Child pottied on the ground outside the bathroom right after you spent fifteen minutes entertaining them while they were on the toilet? REWARD YOURSELF. Child had a totally dry diaper for their nap, then pooped directly into their undies two minutes after you put them on? REWARD YOURSELF. Don’t get mad at your kids, don’t yell, just handle it and then go find that secret stash of Chewy Sprees. . .don’t judge.

If you know you are tempted to be a yeller and get frustrated, I recommend giving your best friend or mom or sister a call a couple times during the day. I have found it is really hard to say unkind things you’ll regret to your child while Grandma is listening. You will magically hear yourself go from, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I CAN’T. . . ” to “believe how hard you’re trying! Oopsies! Pee goes in the potty! The floor is not the potty, Sweet Love!” This strategy also helps deal with the cabin fever of having to cancel your adult plans and gives you a natural way to vent about how ridiculous potty-training is without saying something hurtful to your child.

Because let’s be real– we need to vent about this. We know we shouldn’t be unkind to our kids or discipline them because they haven’t mastered a developmental skill, but the frustration that comes with being peed on or realizing a child ran a matchbox car through his brother’s poop accident and now it is all over the kitchen floor. . . it can be overwhelming. If we don’t want to explode at our kids, we’ve got to release that pressure somewhere else. Don’t neglect this part because sometimes you don’t even know you’re at the breaking point until you hear words coming out of your mouth that you didn’t intend to say. So take regular small breaks to shoot a text to your husband about how ridiculous/hilarious this is. Or step out your front door, close it behind you, count to ten, then reenter your house with a little more peace. Or call a fellow mom who will understand.

It is also a necessity to redefine success if you want to maintain your sanity in this potty-training game. I recommend defining it in a way that leaves no option for failure. Child wet their pants? Success! Now they are learning what wet pants feel like. Child is sitting on the toilet, but manages to pee on your shirt? Success! That was peeing while on the toilet! Child hides under the dining room table to poop? Success! They know that pooping is private, so you just need to remind them that the bathroom is the most private spot in the house. You got super mad about cleaning human waste off your rug and decided to put a diaper back on your toddler? Success! You know your limits. Potty-training is a mental game and the only way I know to win it is to define EVERY OPTION AS WINNING.

And in all of this, give yourself grace. And give it to your child. They’re going to make mistakes and so are you. Remember– your child is probably going to figure this out before Kindergarten (or at least, by the time they leave for college) no matter what strategy you use. This too shall pass and you can either let it be a major stress in your life or a challenge to be overcome. I’ll let you know which it ended up being for me when I finally get done with this process.

Any other tips I forgot that you’ve found to be useful in keeping a positive outlook while potty-training?