Sometimes laughing about my life makes you feel better about yours. Come read along on Facebook and Twitter.
Dear NBA,
Thanks for having your final game tonight. You’ve just made my Father’s Day plans that much easier.
#gowatchthegame #Ivegotthekids #haveadonut #HappyFathersDay
Josh (9): Mom, when you die, can we look at your brain? Could somebody take it out so we could see it and I could hold it?
#supercreepy #kindofsweet
Joel (4): Do you have a brain?
Me: Yep! And you do, too.
Joel: I DO?! Where do I keep it? Is it in the house?
Me: It’s in your head. It’s right in there (pointing to his forehead).
Joel: WHAT? I HAVE THAT IN MY HEAD?
#mindblown
My favorite part of attending a women’s conference: 3 days of teaching, no sports analogies.
Just had a lengthy conversation about foster care, adoption, and Christianity with a door-to-door salesmen. And this surprises no one.
#advocacate #ringmydoorbellandbeready
It doesn’t surprise me when one kid pees on the floor, but I am continually surprised when another kid sees it happen, then decides to splash in the puddle.
#toddlerlife
Just realized the four year-old thought it was called “bath-tism.”
#baptism #makessense
Tiptoe out of a child’s room and spend an extra 30 seconds gently easing the door closed only to remember there’s nobody in the room.
#momneedsanap
The toddler has learned a new stalling technique when she doesn’t want to do something. She smiles and asks, “What?” about 397 times. If you need me, I’ll be rocking back and forth in a dark room until she outgrows it.
#itstimeforbed #what #ItsTIMEforBED #what #ITSTIMEFORBED
(listening to the radio)
Josh: Who is Justin Beaver?
Me: BIEBER. He’s a famous singer. You’d recognize his songs.
Josh: Oh. I thought he was like a famous beaver or something.
#JusticeBeaver
“I’m going to go clean. Anyone who interrupts me gets to help.”
– How Moms Get Quiet Time
Sometimes my heart is all, “Oh, I could do one more baby.” And my body and brain are like, “SHUT YOUR FACE.”
#almostdonewithdiapers #finishline #holdittogether
So apparently there exists no middle ground between leaving the door half open and aggressively slamming it.
#howmanydaysuntilschoolstarts
Me: I think it would be really good for you to have a little quiet alone time since it seems like you’re feeling grumbly. Some people when they’re feeling worn out need to be alone to fuel back up. That’s like you and me. And some people when they’re all worn out need to be with people to fuel back up. That’s like Daddy.
Bethany (6): I wish I were like Daddy.
#introvertproblems
Had a lengthy debate with my husband about whether Chewbacca is an animal or some kind of sentient being. I’d always considered him an animal- like Han’s pet or something. Turns out that is highly offensive to true Star Wars devotees.
Nearly 14 years of marriage and he’s still teaching me things. . .
Me: What movie are you watching?
Bethany (6): Boxtop Children.
#soclose #BoxcarChildren #wecollectboxtops
Husband: I’m not sure bed is the right place for fried chicken. . .
#dontjudgeme
Me: Have you seen Teddy’s B-E-A-R?
Joel (4): WHAT?
Me: Oh sorry. I forgot you can’t spell yet. I’m looking for Teddy’s bear and I didn’t want to say “bear” in case he heard and it made him cry because we don’t know where it is.
(5 minutes later)
Joel: MOM! I found Teddy’s B-R-I-N-D!
#soclose
If anyone knows of a Pinterest craft that involves empty Freeze Pop wrappers, I have about 137,589 of them in my front yard you can have.
I heard Rhianna’s “Sledgehammer” song yesterday and was sure it was “Slow Jammer.” I wasn’t sure what that meant, but it seemed like something the kids these days might say.
#toooldforpopmusic
Me: What are you doing?
Joel: I’m just punching down at hell. Like THIS (punches toward the ground). You shouldn’t punch up towards God, but you can punch down to hell whenever you want. Right, Mom?
Me: Ummmmmmmmm. . .
#nohandbookforthis