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Bethany (6): Hey! That’s MINE!
Joel (4): Loser keeper, finder sweeper!
#soclose
I’ve got The Toddler convinced that afternoon tears are just the juice of a person who is ripe and ready for a nap.
#funnycauseitstrue #protip
I decided to organize the shelf of art supplies. Which (of course) attracted all the toddlers and made them interested in the art supplies. Which reminded me why I mostly try to ignore the art supplies.
#somuchmess #Ihateglitter #wheredidallthesestickerscomefrom
Just watched The Baby walk past me, licking a can of Play-Doh like it’s a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.
#momfail #nontoxic
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to work in an office where nobody climbs up on your lap and pees a little while you’re trying to do some work. On days like today, it sounds kind of dreamy.
#workfromhomemom
Sometimes you walk into the bathroom and think, “Gross. What smells like old orange peels?” and then you find out that it is actual old orange peels.
#mysterysolved #lifewithkids #WHY
A Tip for Feelers from Your Thinker Friend:
If we say something like, “I wanted to cry” or “I almost cried” or “I think I’m going to cry later,” treat that with the same seriousness you would if you saw someone sobbing in the fetal position.
#badatfeelings
Carrie (2): This is gross. (hands me something)
Me: Ick. What IS this?
Carrie: Ummmm. . . the name is poop.
#sheonlyspeaksthetruth
“So is this cheese Pepper Jack or Pepper John?”
-Danny
#soclose #parmesan
Joel (4): Mom, what the heck is a bad word?
Me: I’m happy to answer that question, but in this house we don’t say “heck.”
Joel: I know. What the heck is a bad word.
Me: JOEL. I JUST told you not to say “heck!”
Joel: That’s what I said, MOM! What the heck IS a bad word!
Me: Oh. Right. Yes. Sorry.
#whosonfirst
While doing a deep clean of the bathroom I figured out the children have apparently mistaken the shower curtain for The World’s Largest Hand Towel.
#cantreachthetowel #TheProblemSolvers#dirtandtoothpasteEVERYWHERE
So The Baby handed me a little figure of Jesus and identified him as “Star Wars.” I quit.
#Christianmomfail #lookslikeObiWan #JediJesus
Joel (4): What are you doing, Mom?
Me: I’m defrosting the meat.
Joel: You’re frosting THE MEAT?
#soclose #wishfulthinking
Danny (7): If there are possums in our neighborhood, how come we never see them? I want to see them.
Me: What kind of animals might not be out when we’re up and around, but come out at a different time?
Danny: I don’t know. Predators?
Me: Nope, but that’s a good guess. It starts with an “n” and it means they are active at night.
Danny: Invertebrate?
Me: No. . .
Danny: Oh! I know! NINJAS!
#soclose #nocturnal
The Charlie Brown sheets were on sale at Target so I bought them and made two little boys VERY HAPPY. It occurs to me that these might be the last sheets with cartoon characters on them that these boys ever sleep in. I know we all love the look of magazine-style, chic bedding and accessories in the our children’s bedrooms, but there’s such a small window of time where it’s socially acceptable to go to bed every night in the company of your favorite cartoon characters. Let’s just let them embrace it. They’ll be adults soon enough and we can make those empty beds look however we like.
Danny: For Christmas can I get a Candle Fire? So I can read books and play games?
#soclose #kindlefire
Joel (4): I don’t want to make my bed! I just did it the other day!
#thestruggleisreal
Sometimes being a mom means having no idea what is in your own pants pocket. Today’s discovery: a squashed Dixie cup.
#thanksToddlers
Grabbed a book at the library that looked interesting and my first thought was, “Oh! This looks like a documentary, but on paper!”
Clearly, I have a problem.
#documentaryaddiction #nonfictionisjustbookdocumentaries
I used to wonder why it seemed like my little sister had a totally different childhood from me. And now I see how we all treat The Baby and it makes perfect sense.
#kindofspoiled #everybodylovesTheBaby
Note to Self: Next time you think, “Oh, the two year-old will be asleep so I can do a live Webinar at the kitchen table and surely she won’t come down and try to participate.” remind yourself that toddlers can sense when you need them to sleep and it causes insomnia.