Moms aren’t supposed to be sick. And yet, here I am. A fever, a cold, a stomach bug, a migraine, for whatever reason I can’t be the mom I feel like I’m supposed to be today. And so you step in.
You step in with love and tenderness for me. You make sure I have fluids and you remind me to drink them. You keep the kids from running into the room to jump on me (sort of. . . mostly. . . they are very sneaky). You take the stress off my shoulders so I can get to the exhausting and frustrating work of helping my body heal.
And let’s be honest—the kids love it when this happens. When Mom is sick and Dad is in charge, the rules change. The TV is an acceptable babysitter, snacks become dinner options, and toothbrushing is optional. This isn’t the way we want to live every day, but for the brief time Mom is sick, it works. In a time when the kids feel nervous or anxious about having a sick mom, the thrill of a routine change can be enough to keep them happy.
As I lay here on my sickbed hearing them yell things like, “One more episode?” or “Can we have the Lucky Charms for dinner?” or “Let’s get out all the temporary tattoos and put them on our faces!” I am tempted to jump up and intervene. But I can’t. Because I’m sick. And sometimes I think God needs me to deal with the reality that my kids will survive one more episode, while eating Lucky Charms for dinner, covered in facial tattoos.
What I do every day to keep this family afloat is good and beautiful. It is hard work and it requires my full attention. It’s because of the ways I provide stability and structure for this family that we can survive this little hiccup to the routine. Jelly beans can be an acceptable side dish on days like today because yesterday and tomorrow they ate the broccoli without complaining. While I’m wrestling with an illness, I have no energy to second guess your parenting. All I can do is be thankful.
Husband, as I overhear you managing the chaos that is our normal life, I’m thankful for a moment to hear you laugh with them, to hear you lovingly handling behavior problems, and to get an auditory glimpse into what life is like when the Queen Rule Maker and Schedule Handler has left the building. It sounds like fun. Chaotic, family fun.
Sometimes I need the reminder that you’ve got this. These are your children and although we might do things differently, your way works. For all the hours and hours I spend lovingly caring for our family, sometimes I need to know that you will all lovingly care for me when I need it. I know you didn’t want that child to come “bother” me, but when he brought me a stuffed animal he thought would help me feel better, it was no bother at all. To see how you all rally around me and handle things while I’m out-of-comission makes me see how well we’re doing as a family.
These kids are getting older. We’re getting better at this. We’ve got so many elements of managing our family down to a science. These kids of ours are actually thoughtful and considerate, but I think sometimes they need for mom to get sick in order for them to be prompted to BE thoughtful and considerate.
Sweet Husband of Mine, you never look more handsome than when you say, “You just rest. I’ve got this.” I never feel more thankful to be married to you than when you run home from work early to relieve me. I feel such loyal love for you when I hear you yelling, “Leave Mom alone while she’s in the bathroom!”
We are a parenting team, but sometimes I carry the majority of the burden of caring for them while you carry the majority of the burden of providing for us. These moments where I can’t do my “job” are painful, but sweet. They challenge the running narrative in my head that no one can do what I do and that I’m doing this alone. I need to be reminded that we do this together, even when I feel alone. We are partners and when I need you, you’re there.
And then there’s the moment when I’m back on my feet. Seeing their smiles, the relief that Mom is back and helping manage things again—it reminds me that I AM needed. I see all over again how vital my role is and feel their appreciation. Sometimes it takes a sickness to remind me of the things that have always been true.
So thank you, Husband of Mine. Thank you for loving me, for loving us and for letting me know that it’s okay to be sick. And thanks for being the most relieved one of us all when the illness has passed.
Love,
Your Almost Well Wife