About two weeks ago I listened to a forty minute interview with a popular Christian author and speaker. Something I heard in that interview just felt like getting a rock in my shoe. While I’m going to use a specific quote from her, the truth is I feel like I’m hearing this same message in lots of places. Here’s the quote:
“Our potential is our gift from God. What we’re capable of is our gift from God and I can’t fathom anything more horrifying than you dying with all your potential left inside you.”
On the surface it sounds so good and right and true. It sounds like a message of stewardship. But instead of making me feel inspired, it made me feel exhausted.
I’m done being weighed down by the burden of “potential.” Potential is meaningless. Potential is an outside idea of what you SHOULD be able to accomplish. Potential is what makes you feel like a failure or keeps you from trying. Potential makes you feel like you’re better than your current reality.
As I listened to her more, I heard that idea fully fleshed out— making steps every day to be the best possible version of yourself, chasing your dreams, never giving up, and this thinly veiled disdain for anybody who isn’t constantly trying to better themselves and their situation. There seemed to be this consistent message of “If I can do this, you can do it. And if you aren’t trying to do it, there’s something wrong with you.” Am I overstating that? She literally said the most HORRIFYING thing she can imagine is that you die with your potential left inside you.
I can imagine more horrifying things.
I can imagine forsaking the needs of my kids in order to follow my bliss. I can imagine never experiencing rest because I believed I was capable of achieving more if I just sacrificed more and worked harder. I can imagine never knowing contentment because I felt I was always supposed to be reaching for more. I can imagine believing I was better than those around me because my potential was so great and I just needed to achieve it. I can imagine walking away from my marriage because my husband didn’t support my vision of what my life was supposed to be. I can imagine feeling like a failure because I didn’t achieve what I believed was my God-given potential. I can imagine on my deathbed feeling horrified because I was dying with my potential left inside me.
That’s not what I want for my life.
I feel very blessed that God has given me a platform to use for his glory. I have a place to write what I feel passionate about. I get to speak on a statewide radio station and share messages of encouragement. I get to support and educate foster and adoptive families through our foster care agency. There are times I am tempted to see all those opportunities as stepping stones to somewhere else. I should be putting all these pieces together to build a larger platform, to increase my “reach” or grow my followers. Do I have the potential to do more? I don’t know. But I’m tired of carrying that potential around.
When I’m focused on the next thing, I miss the beauty of where I am. When I’m focused on my potential, I am never in the present moment. People become tools to get me where I want to go. My needy kids become drains on me.
And what if I am currently achieving all of my potential? Is that okay with everybody? How would I even know? Can I stop striving now? Is it okay for me to stop trying to be the “best version” of myself at all times? Can the best version of myself be related to resting, enjoying, eating, and just generally being a pleasant, content person or does the best version of me always have to be about my achievements? Does it always mean I have to be restlessly pushing for more?
As I write all these frustrations, I am awkwardly typing around the warm, squishy body of a four-year-old, sitting on my lap. There’s a puppy resting his nose on my feet. My five-year-old is brushing my hair and singing to herself. I dare someone to tell me this isn’t the best version of life I could have. It has nothing to do with my potential or my side hustle or what I’m supposed to be accomplishing in this life or if I’m making all the choices the best version of myself would make. It has everything to do with the love I give, the encouragement I share, and the faithful way I keep going even when I’m struggling.
For those who feel inspired by that message of potential, I don’t want to take it away from you. Maybe that’s what you need to be reminded that God has a plan for you. But there are some of us who take a different message away from these kinds of conversations. We feel like we’re never enough. We feel the weight of our potential like a brick around our neck, pulling us underwater when we long for the freedom to enjoy our lives. For women like that—women like me– I want to untie that brick and set you free to find rest.
There is no such thing as potential. There is only what you do and what you don’t do. Find joy in what you do. Find freedom to not do the things that aren’t yours to do. There is beauty in your life, beauty you might miss if you’re always pushing for that ever-changing finish line of Potential.
This morning I heard a song from Marc Scibilia that made me cry. It wasn’t until I heard it that all these thoughts crystalized and I realized why this idea of potential is slowly killing me and maybe you too. I need the freedom to be thrilled with this life I’ve been given, not focused on what more it should be. This will be the song I sing when the discontent, disappointment and disillusionment creep in. The truth is, I’m incredibly blessed. Sometimes it takes letting go of the burden of potential to see it.
If this is as far as we get
If this is as high as we go
I will rest in peace
But I won’t fall asleep
Because it’s better than my wildest dreams
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