At a recent Chick-fil-A visit my kids got some cards with questions on them that were meant to spark dinner discussions. As we went around the table answering these questions, my nine-year-old daughter pulled a card that said, “Who gives the best hugs?” She immediately and without reservation answered, “Grandpa!”
It stopped me in my tracks as I thought about how true that is for her and how different my dad has become because this little girl loves him so fully.
When my daughter got old enough to put sentences together, she began to retell the story of her adoption that she had heard from us so many times. But in her retelling she added a key detail that none of us knew. She would say, “I loved Daddy first. Then Grandpa. Then Mommy.” I could never feel too bad about that timeline because it was just the truth. From the moment she was placed with us as a four-month-old, she knew that her daddy loved her and she was intent on charming her grandpa. She has always loved my dad fiercely and confidently and it’s been beautiful to me to see the way that has impacted his heart and her relationship with him.
The dad I grew up with was a little cautious about being physically affectionate with his kids. He didn’t always know when or how to offer affirmations. He worked hard for our family, loved us faithfully, and was home every night for dinner. We learned to translate those actions as proof of his love, even if he didn’t always know how to put his love into words. When he did verbally or physically express his love for me, I knew it was a special moment and I treasured it in my heart. I instinctively knew that he needed a certain level of space and didn’t push him to be someone he wasn’t.
But that never occurred to my daughter. She has always wanted to be held by her grandpa. She has expected that he would always want to hug her and would value being hugged. She has loved him without any regard for his feelings about personal space. She has affirmed him without waiting for him to affirm her first. And in loving him with that kind of selfless abandon, she has created the kind of grandpa she knew she needed.
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