I don’t like to travel, but I am learning that sometimes I need to leave my family and go recharge. Now that my kids are all potty-trained and can mostly open their own fruit snack packets, I don’t feel the same guilt I used to about leaving them for a few days. It’s a strange new (wonderful) world.
But traveling with friends can bring its own drama and stress if you aren’t careful. There’s no point in leaving your stressful home to go on a stressful vacation to come back more stressed than you started. Now that I’ve done a couple little get-a-ways with different friend combinations, I’m coming to find that there’s one key to success:
Clear expectations.
If one friend is imagining finally catching up on her sleep and one can’t wait to bounce out of bed (HOW? and also WHY?) to catch a beach sunrise, this can make for some awkwardness. If one needs to vacation on a budget and the other feels like this is finally their moment to be a big spender, things can feel pressured.
Having those conversations beforehand can make a huge difference. It’s been important to me to reverse engineer the trip. When I imagine coming home, how do I want to feel? What do I want to have eaten? What do I want to have seen or experienced? I need to make time for the things that are most important to me and be clear with my friends about what I’m prioritizing. I need to talk to them about their priorities too and be sure we’re on the same page.
That may mean I need to be willing to go to a favorite spot by myself if my friend isn’t interested in that, or it may mean compromising on what felt important to me. If I know that ahead of time, I can adjust my expectations and not feel disappointed.
I know some people are more naturally flexible and don’t need to do this kind of mental preplanning. That is not me. Before a girls trip to Washington DC last year, I spent hours reading about museums, creating an itinerary, and figuring out where to leave spaces for some planned spontaneity. I promise, “planned spontaneity” can be a thing. It just means leaving open spaces in the schedule. That’s not easy for some of us, but when we’re traveling with the more spontaneous types, it’s an absolute necessity. For me, I found almost as much enjoyment in reading about the museums, looking at local food options and deciding what to pack as I found in the actual trip. Knowing that about myself allows me to fully embrace the planning process. Clear communication of my expectations after all that planning (and during the planning) while specifically asking about my friend’s expectations helps be sure we’re both going to love it.
A girls trip doesn’t have to be long or expensive. I’ve done a plane trip and multiple days away and I’ve done a quick one-hour drive and a brief overnight stay. Sometimes trying a little trip will help you figure out what works for you and who you travel well with. Even if you don’t think this is something you need, I’m telling you that magic happens on a girls trip. Walking out of the bathroom to find that someone has already turned the TV to HGTV is magical. Traveling with another person who brought the same kind of snacks you like is magical. Knowing you aren’t the only one fully equipped with band-aids, advil and feminine hygiene products is magical. On a recent girls trip a friend made me toast every morning while I was getting ready. Can you even imagine? Traveling with another person who is a natural nurturer/caretaker is pretty phenomenal.
So face the awkwardness of figuring out who sleeps in which bed for the joy of refilling that empty emotional cup you’ve been carrying around. Take the risk to ask someone to have an adventure with you. Make the time and set aside the money to prioritize remembering your own humanity for a weekend. Even if they cry when you leave, eventually your family will see this makes life better for everybody.
I’d love to hear how you make a girls trip work! Let me know your tips and tricks.