Please Buy Your White Kids a Black Doll

I was casually strolling through the aisles at Walmart when I overhead something that made my heart race. I was looking at some dolls, trying to pick a Christmas gift for my daughter and two women right next to me were doing something similar. One woman picked up a doll– the last one on the shelf that made baby noises when you hugged it. And that’s when the interaction started.

Woman: Oh, I like this one! I think we should get it for her.

Woman’s Mother: I don’t know. . . doesn’t that one look like. . . a kid of color?

Woman: Maybe? She might be.

Woman’s Mother: I wouldn’t bring that to a birthday party. Her family might not like it.

Woman: Oh Mom, not in this day and age. It’s not a big deal.

And then they proceeded to spend the next fifteen minutes looking through every doll on the shelf and calling over an associate to pull down all the dolls on top of the shelves so they could find one that didn’t appear to be a “kid of color” for this birthday gift.

I don’t know why, but I felt compelled to stand there for the whole experience. I felt rooted to the floor.

(two dolls from my mom’s current doll collection for my kids to play with at her house)

I thought about my beautiful daughter who has skin and eyes and hair exactly that shade of brown. I thought about my childhood, when my mom didn’t bat an eye when I picked out the dolls that looked nothing like me. I thought about the gifts I buy for my friends’ kids. And I wanted to say something. But I couldn’t figure out what to say to these strangers in that moment.

So I’m going to say it to you: Please buy your white kids some diverse dolls. Buy them the Captain America action figure AND the Black Panther one. Buy them a white Barbie, a black Ken and little brown-skinned, curly-haired Chelsea doll to go with it. White dolls aren’t just for white kids and black dolls aren’t just for black kids. Let your kids see you tell them how beautiful that black Barbie is, how precious that black baby looks and affirm what a good job your child does in caring for them.

Invest in books that have characters that don’t look like your kids. Watch movies that show life from a different perspective. Open their eyes to a world that looks different from them and affirm that it’s good and beautiful.

You have influence. If you choose to make their world as white as possible, that will say something to them. If you embrace and honor the differences in the world by including them in your home, in your library, in your doll collection, in your action figure assortment, that will say something to them. This is not hard. This is one small thing you can do.

As much as I wanted to be mad at those ladies (or at least that mom), I can’t say they aren’t right. Maybe some parent would be upset that you bought their child a black doll as a birthday gift. I’m actually coming to think this might be a really great way to find out what kids your child should be hanging out with. Maybe we should all be giving black dolls as birthday gifts to figure out if this is the kind of family we want our child spending time with. If someone is going to be upset about receiving a black doll, that is not a home I want my child (white or brown or black) spending time in. Instead of avoiding that interaction, let’s just go all in and see what we’re dealing with.

I have been forever thankful for the home I grew up in, where my doll collection looked as diverse as my family now does. My mom didn’t force that on me or make a big political or social statement about it. She just acted like this was beautiful, normal, and fun– to have dolls that looked so different, but were all special in their own way, just like our friends and neighbors. When I pretended they were sisters, she never told me they couldn’t be. When I said I was their mother, she never questioned my pretend play. It was a first step in a journey I had no idea I would eventually be making, but it communicated more than my mom ever knew.

Whatever your child’s future family eventually looks like, you can communicate to them right now that you value people of every ethnicity. You can affirm beauty in all its forms. And you can do that pretty simply and inexpensively and in a way that will bring them joy. Just buy them a doll. One that doesn’t look like them.