A Musing Maralee

December 17, 2018
by Maralee
7 Comments

The Mom Stocking Exchange: “Our Best Idea Ever”

It’s just a fact that creating Christmas “magic” falls largely on moms. We are typically the ones to decorate, bake, shop, wrap, ship, on top of our regular mom responsibilities that are plenty overwhelming without the extra pressure Christmas brings. This can be a really draining time of year to be a mom who wants to do even the most minimal things to facilitate a positive Christmas experience for her family. I know, because I’m pretty much a slacker mom when it comes to Christmas and I still feel it.

You work so hard to put this all together and then December 25th comes and there may be just a little bit of a letdown. I don’t know if your experience is like mine, but I fill every stocking except mine. So come Christmas morning, there are stockings full of fun waiting at the fireplace. . . and then there’s mine. It’s mostly flat. . . kind of like my mood by the end of all this.

Rebecca Tredway Photography

I don’t want to sound whiney and maybe this is just a first world problem, but I imagine there are plenty of mothers all across the globe that can identify with the feeling of working and sacrificing for their children and then fighting off feelings of disappointment when it seems unreciprocated. I can remember my mom putting some of the Christmas presents from her piano students under the tree so she’d have something to open while we were all opening our abundance, so I think women have been problem-solving this situation in ways big and small for years. I don’t blame my kids or my husband. They do a sweet job of making me feel loved at Christmas, but this stocking situation is just not on their radar.

Last year my good friend gave me a little gift for Christmas. I saved it to open when my kids were opening their stockings and it was such a little moment of joy and surprise in a morning when I knew (and had planned) just about everything that was going to happen. I called my friend later that day to thank her and proposed an idea: How about next year we exchange stockings? I’d give her my lonely, sad, flat stocking and she could fill it and bring it back to me before Christmas, and I’d do the same for her.

A couple days ago she dropped off the stocking for me, fuzzy and full of wrapped gifts. When she handed it to me she said, “This is our best idea ever.” I couldn’t agree more. Continue Reading →

December 11, 2018
by Maralee
3 Comments

Moms, Christmas, and Beginning with the End in Mind (radio interview)

I definitely have some grinch/scrooge tendencies when it comes to Christmas. Christmas is supposed to be a magical time, but all of the work for creating that “magic” seems to fall on the shoulders of mothers who are decorating, baking, helping with the Christmas program, buying gifts, wrapping it up, writing the cards, and planning a meal. It’s just overwhelming for some of us who don’t feel like we excel at ANY of those things.

Rebecca Tredway Photography

But it shouldn’t be this way. It shouldn’t feel possible to fail at Christmas as long as we’re keeping our priorities straight. I think this requires a lot of intentionality about what we do and how we do it.

In my interview with Stan on My Bridge Radio this month, that’s exactly what we wanted to talk about. I’m interested in any follow-up questions or thoughts you might have after you listen. Beneath the audio, I’m also posting links to several of my posts that give more detail on some of our holiday philosophies and the traditions we’ve established. I’d love to hear about yours!

Continue Reading →

December 5, 2018
by Maralee
21 Comments

GIVEAWAY from Jordan and Noelle’s Adoption Shop

It’s almost Christmas and I have a present for you! TWO beautiful wooden snowflake ornaments from Jordan and Noelle’s Adoption Shop. These are about the size of my hand, so unique and would make an ideal Christmas gift while supporting a couple who wants to add to their family. Noelle and Jordan make these beautiful gifts as a way to raise money for their adoptions. When I got my snowflake, I loved how the woodgrain was put together so the snowflake was multicolored just by using different types of wood. It reminded me of my family— a lot of beautiful different colors, just the way God made us.

Here’s how to enter to win two snowflake ornaments:

-Comment on this post with something you like about winter. Snow, candy canes, mittens, Christmas, whatever!

-Go “like” Jordan and Noelle’s Adoption Shop on Facebook and let them know on their share of this post that I sent you.

You can be entered into our drawing twice by doing both of those things. I’ll pick a winner Thursday (12/6/18) at noon (CST).

Rebecca Tredway Photography

I had a such a sweet time meeting Noelle and her family. We have lots in common including adoption and a passion for improvement in the foster care system. For years Noelle has been a volunteer with the Foster Care Review Office, which is an organization I have so much love and respect for. The FCRO provides unbiased oversight to the foster care system and reports back to the court on individual cases. It also provides invaluable data about the progress and challenges of foster care in our state. I love this group and I love that Noelle has dedicated years of her life to serving with them, even though her daughter wasn’t adopted through foster care. When I meet someone that has that kind of knowledge and passion for foster care, I know I’ve met a kindred spirit. Continue Reading →

December 3, 2018
by Maralee
0 comments

Zechariah and The Impossible Prayer Request

We got a letter from our pastor about something new our church leadership is trying for Christmas this year. There is going to be a Christmas offering– something above and beyond what we would normally give to help support our church community in some new ventures. And they wanted us to submit a prayer request they would commit to pray about over the next year. Not just any prayer request– an impossible prayer request.

I have grown up steeped in the Christian faith. The idea of praying for impossible things seems totally normal to me. God does miracles. I believe that. I see the evidence of it in the Bible and in the stories of believers around me who have seen God do what no one thought could be done. So it was surprising to me how overwhelmed I felt trying to come up with an impossible request I could hand over to my pastor and elders. I know God CAN do the impossible, but do I believe he WILL? Do I really trust that God does the impossible not just for men and women of the Bible, not just for missionaries in the stories I heard as a kid, not just in the medical mysteries I read, but for ME?

If I do believe God will do the impossible for me, it’s sad to me that I’m not asking or expecting it more often. I tried to think about what challenging, difficult, unlikely thing I needed from God and I came up blank. My own thinking is so contained and controlled by the constraints of what I see as “reality” and a strong need to protect myself from disappointment. It was frustrating to me to realize that while I have access to ask God for the things ONLY he can do, I may only be talking to him about the things I think can probably happen without his involvement.

Rebecca Tredway Photography

During this Christmas season where we thank God for his miraculous, impossible gift, I have looked at the characters involved in that first Christmas story and have found myself identifying with Zechariah.

In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. Both of them were righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly. But they were childless because Elizabeth was not able to conceive, and they were both very old.

Luke 1: 5-7

Two people who love God and work to live in a way that pleases him find they can’t get pregnant. This is a story that sounds familiar to me. While devoting our lives to caring for other people’s children through work at a group home, my husband and I found out we were infertile. Lots of testing and multiple doctors and specialists confirmed it over several painful years– without major medical intervention, we would never have a biological child. As devastated as I felt about never experiencing pregnancy, I wanted to come to peace about the road God chose for me. I grieved it and did my best to move on. We decided to become parents through adoption and foster care because hoping for pregnancy seemed like a lost cause. Continue Reading →

November 30, 2018
by Maralee
0 comments

Book Review: Brick Builder’s Illustrated Bible

I am always on the lookout for Bible storybooks that capture the imagination (an attention) of my kids. When we got the Brick Builder’s Bible in the mail, it was a win from the moment it came out of the package. Instead of me suggesting we do a Bible story, my first grader is begging me to read the next one every night when I tuck him in. It’s lead to some great conversations as we expand on the stories and talk about how it applies to our lives.

The book has 35 Bible stories illustrated with Lego-style pictures. I’m pretty picky about how we retell Bible stories and these are pretty accurate and consistent with the original message. We have some other children’s Bible books that are more poetic in nature, which I’ve found are less compelling to some of my more concrete-thinking kids. This book is straight-forward and feels more fast paced.

(aff. link)

As we’ve been reading it, my son’s favorite part is the application at the end of each story. It’s inspired some great conversations about how we see the themes of the Bible continuing to impact our world today. I’ll read the story and he’ll read the “Building Block” application principle so we’re taking turns and he’s practicing some of his reading skills. Continue Reading →

November 27, 2018
by Maralee
0 comments

Mom Moment: The Humiliation of Parenting

A couple weeks ago my husband and I were leading music at church, so two of our kids sat on the front row, unsupervised. . . other than my piercing glare from the stage when they got out of line. It all seemed to go okay until it was time for the kids to be dismissed to Children’s Church. I took them both by the hand and went to walk them out of the sanctuary when they both started crying. My four-year-old was crying because he wanted to take all his toy cars to class and my six-year-old was crying because he wanted to stay in the service and drink coffee. As I half-dragged them right down the center aisle, all I could think about was how humiliated I was. I’ve learned that if you want to preserve your parenting reputation, never take your kids to church.

But being perceived as a perfect parent can’t be our goal. We want to raise kids who know they are an important and valued part of the Body of Christ, which means they need to be in church, even when their behavior there is less than ideal. I’m so thankful that within that community of believers my children are known and loved, even when they embarrass me. Continue Reading →

November 21, 2018
by Maralee
4 Comments

The Hospitality of Broken Things

We hosted Friendsgiving last night and a little teacup got broken. It was an accident. I usually count on at least one dish casualty when we get to host an event, so this was not unexpected. While it’s always a little sad to bid goodbye to a well-loved dish, I wasn’t heartbroken. This is the cost of welcoming people into our home and risking what might be comfortable and safe to express extravagant hospitality.

In the moments when I hear a crash, all I can remember is the sound of the mirror smashing off our minivan as I clumsily backed it out of the garage when I was a teenager. I remember sitting in the driver’s seat, slumped over the steering wheel and crying. I was embarrassed and I felt terrible. I remember my dad quietly and intentionally walking into the garage, squeezing around the busted mirror, climbing into the passenger seat, patting my back and saying, “People are more important than things.” Every time something breaks, I hear his voice again.

It’s made me wonder if in heaven there’s a China Room like the one in the White House. But instead of the fancy plates and priceless cups, there will be all the broken things made new. The teacup broken when it slipped from a friend’s hand during our Friendsgiving feast. My favorite mug that was knocked off the counter by a careless child’s elbow. The stack of plates that accidentally tumbled off the counter during the silent standoff of 2002 when my husband and I were figuring out who was responsible for doing the dishes when we were both exceedingly busy. The bowl I broke as a kid that was full of rice meant for a special meal before my dad went out of town. And maybe even the glass candle holder my husband accidentally broke by bumping it with the broom handle. He didn’t know why I was crying, but it was one of the few things I owned that was my grandmother’s. Even then I could hear my dad— People are more important than things. Continue Reading →

November 19, 2018
by Maralee
0 comments

Making a Gratitude Tree (Pinterest Worthy, Lazy Mom Easy)

Last week I was in a meeting with a roomful of other parents when I was jokingly accused of “Pinterest shaming” the other moms by saying our family does a Gratitude Tree every year. If you know anything about me, you know how hilarious this was. I am NOT crafty, not artistic, not a terribly “fun” parent if your version of fun involves glitter or yarn. But I DO know a simple project you can do this Thanksgiving that is easy, you probably already have all the supplies, and it’s good for your kids’ hearts.

Moms, we need a win, right? We need something easy that helps us connect with our kids. And if other moms feel Pinterest shamed by it, all the better. KIDDING.

Rebecca Tredway Photography

So this Thanksgiving, make a Gratitude Tree with your kids. I’m going to teach you the most simple, basic way to do it. You make it your own. Color coordinate. Use pretty paper. Get out the glitter glue. You do you. Mine will be. . . a tree in the grand tradition of Charlie Brown, if you know what I mean. But the way it looks isn’t necessarily the point. You’re really aiming for a fun way to connect your kids with the heart of the season. Continue Reading →

November 15, 2018
by Maralee
14 Comments

GIVEAWAY from Artist Holly Carton CLOSED

I’m about to give you a chance to win something incredibly special. Family heirloom special. Keeps-making-me-cry-just-thinking-about-it special. I want to help you win your own personalized painting from artist Holly Carton.

Holly somehow manages to infuse your feelings into her artwork so it perfectly represents what you’re wanting to capture. She puts surprise details and hidden meanings into her work that provide layers of meaning. It makes the picture so much more special than just a literal rendering. I’d love for you to check out her work on her website, but I want to show you what she did for me.

This is the moment I truly became a mother:

And this is how Holly captured it:

photo by Rebecca Tredway Photography

It’s just so perfect.

The whole process was so therapeutic. That’s the only word I can use to explain it. Holly asked me to describe the moment and to tell her about who I am and who my son is. From there, she painted colors and flowers to symbolize what was happening in this moment beyond the physical. It felt like it gave me a heavenly glimpse of what was truly happening in the preciousness of that moment.

The flowers around us symbolize relief and peace, but around the edges she also included flowers that represent anxiety. The little blue flower tucked into my son’s hand symbolizes “your presence soothes my pains.” Holly has such a gift not only for the visual, but also for capturing emotions and meaning. It’s amazing how she uses colors and the language of flowers to express what your heart knows, but your eyes couldn’t see. She included me in each step of the process, so I knew I’d be emotional about it, but it was a surprise to me to see how it touched my son (who is 12). He asked if we could put it in his room, or somewhere he could always see it. I feel the same way.

I’m thrilled to introduce you to Holly and to give you a chance to win your own 8×10 Personality Portrait from her. This would be an amazing gift for your spouse, your parents, or your child.

To enter, here’s what to do:

-Comment on this post with who you’d want a painting of.

-Go “like” Holly’s Facebook page and let her know you were sent by A Musing Maralee on her share of this post.

We’ll pick a winner on Friday at noon (CST).

So come learn about Holly’s process in her own words:

When did you start painting?
I’ve been drawing ever since I could hold a crayon, but didn’t start painting until highschool when I took my first watercolor class. I went to college for Two Dimensional Studio Art and graduated with a BFA. Continue Reading →

November 13, 2018
by Maralee
1 Comment

The Three Types of Friends All Adoptive Parents Need

Adoption changes your world. You may not know it when you first start researching adoption. You may not even fully understand it the moment you become an adoptive parent. But the longer you live life as an adoptive family, the more you come to fully understand how unique your world and your view of the world have become.

Not everybody understands this. There will be those who only see adoption as a happy ending. There will be those who only see it as a disruption of the natural order. Until you’ve been intimately involved in adoption and how it changes with time, it’s hard to get a grasp on how it touches everything and yet becomes so normal all at once.

Two of my favorite adoptee friends and me- we are all foster and/or adoptive moms

As we have settled into this adoption life, I have become incredibly thankful for a couple different groups of friends who have added to my understanding of adoption and have made me a better adoptive parent. I think to have a healthy adoption experience, it’s ideal to have friends from each of these groups:

-Fellow adoptive parents. This road can be lonely and isolating if you don’t have friends who are walking it with you. While people outside the circle of adoption can also be a great source of support, there is something unique about those who are experiencing the same things you’re experiencing. Adoptive parents need to seek out other adoptive parents online, face-to-face, through support groups, in their church community—however you can find them. They will offer you a grace that few other people can because they know how it feels. They know how it feels when your child is struggling and you can’t figure out how to help them. They know how it feels when the stress of parenting a child from trauma becomes marital stress. They can encourage you with tangible solutions, resources that have worked for them, and they can pray with an insight that is unique to having a shared experience. I do not recommend that you try to do this life alone. Finding a community of wise, knowledgeable, empathetic support is so important to being able to be the parent your child needs. Creating those connections so your kids can have relationships with other adoptees is hugely important too. It’s a great way to help our kids normalize their experiences. Continue Reading →