Welcome to my circus.

November 30, 2014
by Maralee
1 Comment

A Life in Status- October #1, 2014

Come join the fun on Facebook and Twitter.

The highchair our baby daughter sits in has a a little snack tray and cup holder that folds under the big tray when you aren’t using it. I am now finding out that the two year-old thought that would be an awesome place to hide his green beans.
‪#‎genius‬

The best thing about 9 months pregnant is that your family and friends will answer when you call them right away, any time of the day or night. Although you kind of feel like a constant disappointment when they realize you were just calling about something dumb.

Joel (age 2): Mom, you done cooking my baby brother?
Me: Just about! He can come out whenever he’s ready.
Joel: Oh yay! Thanks, Mom!
Me: Ummm. . . you’re welcome?
‪#‎38weeks‬

I’m pretty sure if I didn’t have legs I would have about the same dimensions as your average Weeble.
‪#‎38weeks‬

Buying school pictures was totally worth it. . . for the humor in how terrible they turned out.

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November 28, 2014
by Maralee
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Onesie Slogans From Your Baby

I’m not a huge fan of onesies with sassy sayings on them. Especially ones that are kind of rude (I’m looking at you, “My mom is hotter than your mom”, Onesie). The mom is the one looking at those onesies most of the time, so why not use this great opportunity to send a message to her instead of to the other moms on the playground? Let’s be real— If I’m at the playground I’m trying to make friends, not insult them. I did buy a onesie with a sassy saying on it once. It literally said “Sassy” which was adorable on my sassy daughter until I realized in every picture I took when she had that onesie on she had an arm covering the first letter. Not cool.

I decided to create my own onesie slogans for moms. What would babies say if they could? What messages do moms need to see every time they look down at that precious baby? I also asked my Facebook friends to contribute their ideas (if you aren’t part of our Facebook community, you’re missing out), which you’ll find beneath mine. Feel free to contribute your own in the comments section!

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Onesie Slogans from your Baby

Sorry for spitting up in your hair.

I know I sound angry, but I’m just tired.

Are we going out today? Then why are you getting out of your pajamas?

I won’t tell anyone I saw you lick the ice-cream container.

Sing as loud as you want. I haven’t yet developed musical taste.

Breastmilk tastes better when it comes from a coffee drinker.

You should probably have me do some tummy time today so the pediatrician doesn’t give you that look again.

Don’t let my screaming deter you from getting the snot out of my nose.

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November 24, 2014
by Maralee
3 Comments

An Adoption in Pictures

The journey of adoption through foster care is bittersweet. There are moments of sorrow, grief, frustration, and even anger as you navigate the system. And then there’s the adoption day. It’s a day of beauty and redemption and celebration. While there may be more difficult moments down the road as you continue to deal with the realities of adoption, it is great to have that special adoption day where we let go of the sad and embrace the joy for our child, ourselves, and our family.

So come see for yourself the fun, the serious, and the beautiful of an adoption day from beginning to end— from waking up as a ward of the state to returning home as a beloved forever daughter. I’m resisting my writer impulses by not captioning these photos, but just letting them tell the story. A big thank you to Renee Welstead of Love Equals Photography for these sweet images.

 

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November 22, 2014
by Maralee
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The “Real” Mom

I’ll admit I was shocked when I heard my son use the word “real” to talk about a biological relative. MY son. My beautiful seven year-old boy who had only ever heard adoption sensitive language in our home since he arrived here at 10 months-old. I read him the right books, answered all his questions, taught him the appropriate words to use for all members of the adoption triad (adoptee, adoptive parents, biological parents), and I was a passionate educator on adoption issues for everyone in his life. Where did this “real” word come from?

More than shocked, I think I was embarrassed. Josh was being dropped off at our home after school. I was standing in the driveway talking to the other mom about life and random parenting things and Josh was pulling on my sleeve. It was the usual dance of, “Mom!” “Just a second, Honey.” “MOM!” “Hang on. I need to finish this conversation.” And then he said, “Mom, I made a Valentine for my brother. My REAL brother. Can we send it to him?” I’m sure my face turned eight shades of red. I’m the one correcting everybody else’s language choices and here is my child referring to his biological brother as “real”. I could feel my friend looking at me and I felt the pressure to say the exact right adoptive mom thing to affirm that my son’s biological family is important, reiterate that WE are his family, and impress my friend with my total preparedness for any adoption related situation that would arise. But in my mind I was just thinking, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? REAL?! And if you’re going to say the forbidden word, couldn’t you at least do it when we’re alone?” I know I fumbled through some sort of response about “Do you mean your BIOLOGICAL brother?” but it just didn’t feel right.

My friend and I wrapped up our conversation and I took the kids into the house and asked Josh to sit with me. I pulled out the afternoon snack and he showed me the Valentine he made. I took a deep breath and asked Josh about his language choice from earlier. It was a good opportunity to talk about what it means to be “real”— that I don’t consider my biological child a real child and my adopted kids just pretend kids. Biology isn’t what makes our relationships real. By the end of the conversation I knew Josh understood and I haven’t heard him use the word since that day, but I’ve continued to think about that conversation.

There was a time when I believed your REAL mom was the woman who raised you. We’ve all heard, “Anyone can make a baby. It takes a real man to raise one.” Except that anyone can’t make a baby. For many years, we couldn’t. Our ability to become parents was dependent on someone else’s ability to make a baby and their choice to entrust us with that child’s care. So which one of us was the real parent?

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November 16, 2014
by Maralee
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A Life in Status- September #2, 2014

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My daughter insists they are learning “The Pledge of A Egypt” at preschool. Maybe it’s time for me to go volunteer in the classroom. . .

“I don’t always pack newborn outfits for the hospital, but when I do, I try to make sure they look as much like Dr. Who as possible.
#fourweekstogo”

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I was feeling really good about not getting emails from my troublemaker’s teacher for the last couple days. Then I found out he had a substitute who didn’t have my email address.
‪#‎thatexplainsit
Danny: Mom, you know why I cut my hair at school? I wanted to look handsome for AWANA.
He almost makes it make sense. . .
‪#‎unscheduledhaircutday‬
37 weeks pregnant and 10 days until the adoption of our foster daughter. I’m feeling “full term” in every way possible. And this is the second time I’ve had to buy a maternity dress to wear to the adoption of one of my children. I love my life and the surprises God planned for us.

November 13, 2014
by Maralee
0 comments

“Are you going to adopt him?”

November is National Adoption Month and as an adoptive parent, it’s a great time to acknowledge the beauty and sweetness of adoption. But as someone who is also a foster parent, I can’t help but think about all the kids who aren’t adoptable and never will be. They need love and stability too, even if their stories are more complicated. Happy endings sometimes don’t look like we imagine.

When you are caring for a foster child it is common to have people ask about your longterm plans. You will often have people ask, “Are you going to adopt this child?” The problem is that you can’t make longterm plans about this child’s permanency. Judges make plans, lawyers make plans, caseworkers make plans, biological parents make plans, but foster parents just follow the plan. When someone asks if you are going to adopt your foster child, it can be a tough question to answer. . . and some days it can even be a tough question to hear.

It may be tough to hear because you know this child’s parents are truly doing the hard work of trying to get custody back. To imagine adopting this child means imagining that these parents are going to fail, which would be desperately sad for everyone involved. As much as it hurts to think about having this child leave your home, you know that’s best for them and for their family.

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November 11, 2014
by Maralee
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Cultivating a thankful heart (audio)

Today is the first day it’s starting to feel cold, crisp and like fall is really here. That must mean Thanksgiving is right around the corner. It’s a time of year where we want to be intentionally thankful for the beauty that’s in our lives and the struggles that remind us how beautiful the beauty really is. So for this month’s radio interview, I wanted to talk about cultivating a spirit of thankfulness in our kids.

Below you’ll find a link to listen to the interview and some written thoughts of mine below to go along with it. Thanks for listening!

-We can’t really expect our kids to live lives of gratitude if we aren’t modeling it. If we are acting entitled and bitter about the circumstances of our lives, it’s hard to expect our kids will behave any differently when things aren’t going their way. Sometimes gratitude is spontaneous and overwhelming when we see how God is bringing beauty out of our pain, but sometimes we choose to be grateful even when life makes it hard.

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November 9, 2014
by Maralee
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A Life in Status- September #1, 2014

Come join the fun as it happens on Facebook and Twitter.

The two year-old is waddling around the house with both legs in one hole of his underwear saying, “I a penguin!” Future candidate for the gifted program right here, Folks.

I heard the lead singer from Fun on the radio and I thought for a minute it was Aaron Neville. So I think I’m officially old now.

In case anyone was wondering, it took approximately three weeks for Danny to figure out if he “forgot” his lunch at home, he could get hot lunch at school.
‪#‎smartkid‬

The little kids often come to me with a string of nonsense letters they wrote and ask, “What does this say?” I was caught off guard when my daughter’s actually spelled “HOT BILL”. Not sure if I should ask for clarification. . .

Me: Where are your pants?
Joel: They peed. Here you go. (throws them at me)
Me: Are they just a little wet?
Joel: No, not little. They. . . they STRONG wet.
‪#‎sadbuttrue‬

It’s always the mornings you are running late when the kids decide they only want a certain color of Fruit Loops and start an intense trading game with each other to get what they want.

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November 4, 2014
by Maralee
1 Comment

Lessons from a VBAC

It took me a year and a bit of a meltdown before I wrote about my c-section. For a year it felt too raw to really be able to address. When I finally was able to write about it, that post got passed around a bunch and I realized maybe I wasn’t alone in my feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Because that pregnancy was such a miraculous event, I never anticipated getting a do-over on the birth experience, but when we found out we were pregnant in January, my anxiety about having another c-section started right away. I wrote about dealing with those emotions and then a week later Teddy was born. I wasn’t necessarily planning on writing about his birth so soon, but because I had opened the door to our story, lots of people were curious about how this birth went.

I have mixed emotions about sharing birth stories. My birth story is kind of awesome— it took four hours, was unmedicated, and afterwards there was a rush of joy and adrenaline. That’s the story my mom tells about my birth and she adds the part where she was so wide awake afterwards that she was writing thank you notes, but I won’t tell you that part because it just makes the rest of us look bad in comparison. In the same way I feel a sense of protection about my children’s adoption stories (I share some things here, but there are many many details we keep private), I feel a desire to let the births of my sons be their stories to tell, too. So I’m happy to share some of the lessons I’ve learned from this most recent birth experiment, but if you’re the type who likes reading the descriptive detailed accounts, you won’t find that here.

The short version of the story is that Teddy was born. The end. He was born healthy and crying and I was healthy and crying (with joy and relief) and those are probably the most important details. Everything else is superfluous, but I’ll share some of it with you in the hopes that it will be a help to anyone else on this journey.

I did end up having a successful VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). In all the important ways, there isn’t much of a difference when it comes to becoming a mother via adoption or birth (vaginal or c-section). Motherhood is motherhood and when somebody places a child in your arms and says “Congratulations, Mommy” those overwhelming feelings are the same no matter where that child came from (don’t get me started about my feelings on using the word “natural” to describe one of these methods as though all other ways of becoming a mother are “unnatural” and somehow inferior). With that in mind, here is what I learned from my VBAC experience:

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November 2, 2014
by Maralee
0 comments

A Thanksgiving Ebenezer

I am not a Pinterest parent. I have never made my children’s snack food into the shape of a Disney princess, I have never taken a castoff sweater and repurposed it into a tote bag, and I’ve never made anything out of a mason jar or pallet. I’m just not the arts and crafty type. But for the last couple years at Thanksgiving I have gotten out the box of art supplies, pulled out some yarn, construction paper, and a sharpie and then sent my kids out to gather sticks from the yard. While this may seem like the makings of a craft project, in my mind it’s something different. It’s an Ebenezer.

1 Samuel 7:11-13
The men of Israel went out of Mizpah and pursued the Philistines, and struck them down as far as below Beth-car. Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying, “Thus far the LORD has helped us.” So the Philistines were subdued and they did not come anymore within the border of Israel. And the hand of the LORD was against the Philistines all the days of Samuel.

When we think of the word Ebenezer the picture it most likely brings to mind is of a grumpy, greedy old man who can’t grasp the true meaning of Christmas. You can thank Charles Dickens for that mental image, but before Ebenezer was associated with Scrooge, it had a different connotation. Samuel created a visual reminder of what God had done for his people. Whenever they saw that stone called “Ebenezer”, they would remember how God had helped them conquer their enemies.

The Israelites needed this reminder. The Bible shows us over and over that they were a people prone to forgetting. But I’m prone to forgetting, too. We don’t live in a culture that puts a high priority on setting stones in your yard to remember major life events, but sometimes I wish we did. I need a physical, tangible reminder of what God has done in my life so I continue to trust him with my future.

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