*Disclaimer:  I am not employed by a foster care agency. I do not work for the Department of Health and Human Services. I have not ever been a caseworker. Some of what I am going to explain may be limited in relevance to people providing foster parenting services in Nebraska or states with similar laws. Elements of how I’m explaining this may seem like a vast oversimplification for those with an in-depth knowledge of the system. I am sharing my observations as a foster parent because I wish somebody had been honest with me about this reality when we started the process.*

As domestic and international adoption become more complicated, pricey, and ethically questionable, more and more people are turning to adoption from foster care as a way to add to their family. We have adopted from foster care twice and continue to have an active foster parenting license in the hopes of caring for more kids (either short term or long term). I am very passionate about the need for quality foster parents, but also feel like there is a lot of misinformation out there. This is not intentional on the part of agencies, but exists because agencies don’t always anticipate the kinds of questions foster parents (especially those interested in adopting) need answers to. Foster parents themselves may not realize they are making incorrect assumptions because they haven’t had access to the right answers.

Adopting from foster care can happen in two ways. The first way happens when a child has already had their parental rights terminated and has no one stepping up to adopt them (biological family members or their current foster family). That child becomes a “waiting child” and a family who wants to adopt a child with no legal risk may step in to adopt them. There is often a reason these kids are not adopted by their foster family or by relatives. They may be part of a large siblings group, have special needs, or they are older. Once that child is placed in your home, they need to live with you for six months and then the adoption can be finalized. Many couples want the ease, swiftness, and legal certainty of adopting a child who is already legally free for adoption, but don’t realize that many of the younger, healthy, kids that haven’t suffered the trauma of multiple placements and will eventually be adoptable need a family who is willing to foster them first. In this case, foster parents need to prepare themselves for a lengthy process as the court system figures out if this child will be reunified with their parents or need an alternate permanency plan. It is risky, but for us the risks have been worth it in order to be with our children from the earliest moments they entered the system.

Heading into the courtroom on our daughter’s adoption day. (Photo by Renae Morehead)

So I wanted to tell you my biggest piece of advice for the family taking on a new placement with the thought of adoption: Prepare your hearts for a fifteen month wait before anyone will talk about adoption regardless of what progress the parents are making.

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