A Musing Maralee

September 3, 2013
by Maralee
5 Comments

For My Kids- some thoughts about your dad

To My Kids,

There have been a lot of surprises in life for your dad and me. There was a lot I didn’t know about what life would require of us and who we would need to be to meet those challenges. I didn’t know about losing babies and losing a job. I didn’t know about in-law conversations, medical issues, and communication differences. I didn’t know about how your dad would handle home remodeling challenges, or how hard he’d have to work to provide for our family, or how much time he’d spend watching “Dr. Who”. But I didn’t really care about that stuff when I was trying to decide if he was the man I wanted to marry.

While other girls were looking for the bad boys or the jocks or the future Wall Street executives, I had my eyes on a different goal. I wanted to find a man who would be an awesome dad. I knew that while God gave me other talents and opportunities, I always felt my calling (at least for a season) was to put my energy into being a mother. I was excited about getting to see that dream fulfilled and I wanted to partner with the very best man for the job.

I was blessed with a wonderful dad. My dad showed his love for us by faithfully providing for our family and by loving my mom well. He was usually home for dinner and read the Bible to us over breakfast. My dad planned fun family trips so my childhood memories are punctuated by camping trips, and motorhome excursions, and family camp, and long car rides across the country. I can only imagine what my dad sacrificed to make those vacations happen (for a lot of years things were financially very tight and we were a single income family), but many of my favorite memories of my dad are of times we spent together on trips. . . and most of what I knew as a child about how married people talk to each other was learned while my parents thought I was asleep in the backseat.

I wanted a father for my children who had some of those important traits in common with my dad, but I always knew there were a couple priorities I wanted that were different. My dad struggled to give verbal affirmation although I never doubted his love. My dad didn’t read bedtime stories, or brush hair, or change diapers. He didn’t help with the cooking or laundry and if you saw him cleaning, you knew he had reached his breaking point with the state of the house. I had a great father, but I wanted my kids to have a dad that had a nurturing side, too.

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September 2, 2013
by Maralee
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Cartoon Recommendations for Moms (from Abigail AND Aubrey)

This summer we’re doing cartoon recommendations by moms for moms (or by aunts/dads/nannies. . . just basically a grown-up who knows this is a cartoon that won’t make other grown-ups run screaming from the room). So far we’ve heard about the wonders of Phineas and Ferb, the educational benefits of Martha Speaks, the sweetness of The Busy World of Richard Scary, the addictive songs of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, the adoption-friendly plot of Dinosaur Train, the British adorableness of Peppa Pig, the fun settings of The Backyardigans, the soothing pace of Oswald and the scientific adventures of The Wild Kratts and the wit of a silent Shaun the Sheep. On with the recommendations!

Recommendation from: Abigail and Aubrey

The show: Mighty Machines

Where to find it: Netflix, youtube, the library

Why kids love it:

Abigail- Ashton loves it because it involves BIG machines. The show goes into how the machine works, what it does on a regular basis, and so on. My son is really into trains, planes, big trucks, and construction equipment, so it’s a no-brainer 🙂

Aubrey- This might be more of a boy-centric show as my daughter is still too little to watch TV, but my son adores it. Each episode features video of actual mega machines working and describing what they do. There are episodes about trains, planes, recycling trucks, big boats, and construction equipment just to give a few examples.

Why moms love it:

Abigail- I love it because he’s learning without realizing he’s learning about big machines and what they do. It’s actually very interesting and I’ve watched it with him a couple of times and learned things about trains or planes I really didn’t know.

Aubrey- My husband actual enjoys watching this show with my son. I always learn something about how different machines work when I watch with him (even if usually I just turn it on so I can get something else done!) – the episode about printing newspapers was especially enjoyable. And it’s not a cartoon, which makes it feel more educational. And now I know the technical names of lots more machines.

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September 1, 2013
by Maralee
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A Life in Status- August #5, 2013

You can find our antics on Facebook or Twitter. Come along for the Ride.

Danny: Mom, I prayed to God in my heart.
Me: You did? What did you pray about?
Danny: I ask him to help me not eat any more food off the ground.
Well. . . it’s a start.

Sadie Hawkins dance
In your big boy pants
Nothing better
Oh! Oh! Oh!
– Potty Training Classics
(this one is courtesy of Reliant K with Maralee modifications)

Me: Did they feed you at preschool today?
Danny: They don’t feed me! They only feed my wheel friend.
Me: Your real friend?
Danny: My WHEEL friend! He in a chair. They only feed him.
Me: Oh. Right. . . I guess I meant, “Did they serve you lunch?”
Danny: I had chicken.
#preschoolercommunication

Bethany: Who gets to pick the movie?
Me: Danny doesn’t get to pick because he chose to get out of his bed last night.
Danny: I hate everything.
. . . Still working on keeping things in perspective.

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August 31, 2013
by Maralee
2 Comments

Being Grumpy at the Happiest Place on Earth

I never thought we’d be “those people”, but there we were. Our Disney themed t-shirts were packed in our suitcases and safely stowed in our overhead compartments. We never really planned on taking our kids to Disneyland, but when my husband’s company decided to have their corporate event in Anaheim it seemed like the only sensible thing to do. “Sensible” is a very relative term when you’re imagining the joy on the faces of your boys when they head down Splash Mountain for the first time.

Micky ice cream? The Bradley Boys approve.

There were some major hurdles to overcome before boarding that plane: planning, financing, packing, etc. The biggest obstacle was deciding who exactly should go. We quickly realized that our ability to actually experience Disneyland would be pretty compromised by trying to take out two youngest kids (3 years-old and 18 months) with us. They were too small to ride much of anything and still needed naps and pretty predictable schedules in order to keep some semblance of toddler sanity. We felt a lot of guilt about leaving them behind, but when they knew they would be staying with their grandparents, they were convinced they were the ones who were going to be having all the fun.

So once our little ones were happily deposited at Grandma’s house, we were ready to find our Mickey bliss. I had packed the boys’ (ages 6 and 4) backpacks with enough toys and treats so that every two hours I could keep them motivated to behave well while traveling. We ate their favorite foods and they got juice (UNDILUTED JUICE!) on the plane. Four days into our trip I realized Danny had eaten chicken nuggets for every meal that wasn’t breakfast. Our room had a view of the fireworks each night. Mickey Mouse called to wake them up in the morning. For the love, our headboard lit up and played music! It was absolutely magical.

And yet, my kids were still my kids. Like Snow White’s lovable friend, they were still a little grumpy.

Nothing says “Disneyland” like everyone in matching outfits.

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August 30, 2013
by Maralee
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I say “no” because I love you. . . and I’m lazy

When you’re having to tell your child “no” to something they want, it can be a difficult moment to navigate. I find myself saying the same thing my parents said to me, “We aren’t letting you do this thing because we love you. If we didn’t love you, we wouldn’t care what you did.” And it’s true. We do love our kids and that makes us intentional about sometimes choosing the hard thing. We say “no” when everybody else says “yes” even if that makes us seem like the bad guys. This requires a pretty strong parenting backbone and when done for the right reasons, it is an important tool parents need to use.

It can also be lazy.

We’re right that bad parents may not exercise appropriate discernment for their kids. We are often saying “no” because it is the right thing to say when our kids ask us for privileges they are not yet ready to handle. I can feel a self-righteous pride in saying “no” to my kids and defending it with my “I do this because I love you” speech. But I have to be honest with myself—sometimes it is more because I am lazy than because I am being wise or discerning. Yes, bad parents let their kids run around unsupervised and never provide limits. In the extreme example, bad parents also lock their kids in the basement and never provide freedom.

It’s a temptation for lazy parents to say “yes” to everything. It’s a temptation for lazy parents (who also like to have the moral high ground) to say “no” to everything. It can be lazy because we don’t want to take the time to truly investigate what our kids are asking to do. It can be lazy because we don’t want to supervise them trying something new. It can be lazy because even when we do have good reasons for our “no”, we don’t help our kids understand them.

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August 29, 2013
by Maralee
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Your Kids Know You (good and bad)

Listen to “A Mother’s Heart for God” as featured on My Bridge Radio:

Few people know us as well as our children do. My oldest son Josh had some candy and told my husband, “ Daddy, tonight so you don’t have to steal my candy after I go to bed, I already put some under your pillow.” He told me, “ Mom, I have too many M&Ms. I’m going to go put some under your pillow for when you get hungry in the night.” He knows me too well.

I recently asked my daughter to pick up the toys she had dumped on the floor and when she said, “No!” my four year-old said, “Excuse me?” in a perfect imitation of my voice. Of course my daughter responded to him with a “yes ma’am”. I’m not sure if I should be proud or irritated.

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August 27, 2013
by Maralee
11 Comments

8 Thoughts for Fertility Doctors

After a decade of infertility, I have seen my share of motivated doctors. I have seen OB/GYNs who referred me to other OB/GYNs who referred me to reproductive endocrinologists and then we moved states and started the process all over again. I have had moments where a doctor has shown me great kindness. I have had moments of great frustration in trying to communicate with a doctor about our infertility issues. Meeting with an infertility specialist is an incredibly vulnerable position.

So here are 8 thoughts I’d like to communicate to those doctors who are working with infertile couples.

Be honest- We need to hear the truth from somebody who can explain it in ways we understand. Don’t sugar coat it. Let us hear and see the real numbers and show us comparisons to “normal” numbers. Give us time for it all to sink in before moving to the next step. Before we can move forward, we really need to understand where we’re coming from. Realize that this is going to be emotionally difficult for us, but it doesn’t mean we need to be sheltered from it. Give us copies of our test results so we can continue to do research to help us understand our reality.

You are not God- We don’t expect you to work miracles. Unless you imply you can work miracles. It may not be helpful for us to hear about how many people in a similar situation get pregnant. The truth is that you can’t promise us that WE will get pregnant even if everybody else in our situation does. Help us have realistic expectations by not implying that this is a problem that’s easy to solve.

Be sensitive to our ethical considerations- Infertility treatments have become more and more ethically complex. Each couple needs the freedom to come to their own conclusions about what they’re comfortable with. They may not be okay with every kind of treatment option available and they need to know you won’t pressure them beyond what they feel is acceptable. And please don’t minimize the potential long-term complexities of options like using donor eggs or sperm. A child may some day want to know about their genetic heritage and couples need to be comfortable with that reality. While your job may just be the medical side of these procedures, someone in the process needs to help the couple think about this from a whole life perspective.

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August 26, 2013
by Maralee
2 Comments

Cartoon Recommendations from Moms (from Kristin)

Recommendation from: Kristin

The show: Shaun The Sheep

Where to find it: Amazon Prime (used to be on Netflix, too)

Why kids love it: This is a British stop-motion show centering around a sheep (named Shaun) who is always trying to sneak around behind the farmer’s back, sometimes with the help of the farmer’s dog and sometimes not, often in opposition to the mean pigs. There is no dialogue, just a lot of slapstick comedy, creative problem solving, silly gags. My boys crack up at the funny situations the sheep create, and how they get around the farmer!

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August 25, 2013
by Maralee
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A Life in Status- August #4, 2013

Watch it unfold on Facebook or Twitter.

Bethany: Mommy, this my new blanket I want for my bed.
Me: That’s a great one! Oh look! This one is kind of like it, but this one is on sale.
Bethany: IT. ON. SALE?! Oh, we get that one, Mommy.
I love her.

Me: Danny, what am I going to do with while you go to preschool? I’m going to miss you so much!
Danny: You gonna cry, Mom. Then you pick me up. You have chocolate.
Yep. Pretty much sums up my morning.

I’m choosing not to see the fruit flies as marks of shame on my poor housekeeping, but as proof that we’re making healthy eating choices. Yeah. . . that’s it. . .

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August 20, 2013
by Maralee
1 Comment

A realistic look at the “post baby body” illusion

I don’t like magic. It makes me mad. Seriously. I get irritated about somebody getting pleasure from intentionally deceiving me. This is probably also the reason I don’t like adults dressed up in costumes, but that’s a subject for a different post. Or no post. Let’s hope I never do a post about that. But I digress. I don’t like seeing the twisting of reality without explanation. I find no joy in it.

So it should be no surprise that I get irritated when I see pictures of celebrity “post baby bodies”. It feels like the same thing for me. I want to ask, “Okay, but seriously, HOW DID YOU DO THAT? Where did the flat stomach come from?!” It doesn’t make me feel like it’s something I should be trying to attain, just strikes me as some grand game of pretend. It is not reality that you should give birth and then two weeks later be parading around in a miniskirt, crop top, and high heels. At least not in the reality I live in.

In the same way you could invest time in figuring out how magic tricks are done, you can also figure out how these women are pulling it off. Good genes, sure. But also a personal trainer, chef-prepared meals, a whole host of undergarments I don’t understand, and a stylist to get rid of all traces of exhaustion. . . and spit-up. This is not the world I live in.

I have written about weight before. My pregnancy journey was one of tremendous weight gain and slow (but steady) weight loss. As my son nears his second birthday, my weight hovers right over my pre pregnancy numbers. And I think I’m kind of okay with that. What I am definitely okay with is how I lost all that weight- eating food that’s good for me, with my favorite treats in moderation, and being active (without going to a gym). I love my life and I want to be healthy enough to enjoy it.

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