Baby Sign is THE WORST

More than one frustrated mom has looked at her grumpy baby and thought, “If only I knew what you were thinking!”  This is the moment where Baby Sign seems like a good idea.  I’ve done it with all four of my kids in varying degrees.  With my first child we worked on about a 20 word signing vocabulary.  This seemed to help him bridge the gap during the time where he wanted to speak, but was dealing with a language change from Liberian English to American English (VERY different in spite of both being English) in his environment.  With each child after the first I have started Baby Sign with them at around 10 months and have boiled it down to the very essential words that help make life go more smoothly (eat, more, all done, please, thank you, potty).  The benefit seems to peak at around 18 months where spoken language takes its place.  Although, sometimes my four year-old will still sign “more” when his mouth is full of something delicious.

Yes, Baby Sign is adorable.  Yes, it will clearly turn all children into geniuses.  Yes, we should all do it.  But Moms, I would like to argue that while you think Baby Sign is going to make your life easier, it is actually THE WORST.  Here’s why:

You didn’t actually want to know.  Baby Sign gives your child the ability to ask with specificity for things you can’t give them.  Now instead of wondering why he’s crying, you know exactly why—he wants more banana.  You know for various reasons you can’t just keep feeding him banana all day, but now you’re trying to use logic with a baby who is only capable of understanding that they just signed “more” and you are not giving them “more”.  It’s irritating.

It’s super adorable.  Behavior you wouldn’t tolerate from your verbal child now seems like the cutest thing that’s ever happened.  You’re angry, throwing things AND furiously signing for more applesauce?  Awwwwwww.  So cute.  Get that baby some applesauce.  You’re ripping at my shirt in public while I’m trying to talk to a friend AND signing “milk”?  Adorbs.  Here you go, Baby.  Instead of responding to the tantrum that’s being thrown, we just want to either give them what they want  either so they’ll be quiet or because we find their attempt to communicate so charming.

Now you have to say “no”.  If you didn’t know what they wanted, you could just be comforting.  Now you’re having to tell your little angel, “no” about all sorts of requests.  No, you can’t have more cake.  No, you can’t have milk right now because you need to eat your dinner.  No, you can’t see Daddy because he’s at work.  They don’t understand the reasons so you’re just the no machine.

You deal with stubbornness WAY early.  Now you can say to your child, “Say please if you want a cookie” and if they don’t, you are already into stand-off territory.  Your expectations are raised because you know he has the ability so now you’re in the position of dealing with a sassy disobedience issue before the kid is even verbal.

Signs are messy.  If you teach your baby to say “please” you will find that involves rubbing their hand on their chest.  This means that when your child has just consumed a mouth full of spaghetti and wants more, he may bang his hands together to signal more (flinging spaghetti sauce everywhere) and then rub his shirt with his tomato sauce fingers to indicate “please”.  Great.

Your baby still isn’t understandable.  Now your child is sure you understand them when they’re signing for “more”, but you still have no idea.  More WHAT?!  More hugs?  More milk?  More bathtub toys?  WHAT?  Now they’re grumpy that you’re the dummy and you’re grumpy that you haven’t yet taught them the word for whatever the thing is that they want that you can’t figure out.

So teach your baby to sign.  But do it at your own peril.